Chapter 15 Miranda #2
I knew he’d sensed my reservations about his public relationship with Naomi even though I hadn’t brought them up. He’d convinced me to spend my spring break in Maui with him—his way of atoning—promising a romantic getaway.
Shoshanna had made the arrangements, choosing someplace far enough off the beaten path that we could be together, free from scrutinizing eyes or paparazzi lenses.
Still, there was a fair amount of subterfuge involved in getting there.
We took different flights and cars. I posted on Instagram about taking a solo trip to Hawaii.
Shoshanna staged a photograph of Naomi hugging Stone goodbye at the airport.
Finally, we both made our way to the little bungalow on the sand, blissfully alone together in paradise. But Stone didn’t try to romance me.
Nope. He immediately opened his laptop.
I’d spent most of the past week by myself, taking short hikes through the nearby nature preserve and even shorter runs on the beach. I’d body surfed and napped in the sun. @theadventurousmiranda would certainly have some great new content once I had the chance to edit the photos.
Stone came out to join me intermittently, full of promises that he had just “one more phone call” to make, or “one last time-sensitive email” to respond to.
We managed a few quick dinners together, some ocean swims in the morning, and one longer stroll along the shore, but mostly, he’d dipped in and out of our vacation like a boat dropping anchor for brief land excursions.
Gazing out at the orangey-red horizon, I thought back to my conversation with Leo three months ago. His disappointment. Why hadn’t I gotten out of this when Stone first proposed his plan for fake dating Naomi? Why had I agreed?
A big part of the reason was that I liked Stone. He was attractive and funny, and once I dug past the shallow online persona he’d cultivated, I enjoyed spending time with him. And while I didn’t think I was a person who needed a ton of sex, it was nice to be with someone in the bedroom again.
It also might have been simpler to walk away from Stone if I were someone who fell into relationships easily. But I wasn’t. I hadn’t been drawn to anyone other than Stone in years.
Other than Leo.
I shook my head. Nope. I needed to train my brain to stop going there. He was my best friend and soulmate. My Bear. But he would never be my lover.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew my attachment to Leo was a big part of why I wasn’t as invested in my relationship with Stone as I might have been and why I gave him so much grace with this Naomi nonsense.
But I still didn’t see enough of a potential future with Stone to risk diminishing my connection to Leo.
When we’d had that stalemate before Christmas over his objections to Stone and Naomi, I got a taste of what it felt like not having him in my life.
It was unbearable.
Even though I could see the argument that my bond with Leo might prevent me from forming a stronger attachment to Stone, I certainly wasn’t going to pull back from my best friend while my boyfriend pretended to date another woman.
Leo and I had settled into a comfortable new normal where we didn’t discuss Stone. I could live with that. What I couldn’t live with was the silence that had stretched between us for those days after I’d foolishly hung up on him.
I leaned back on my elbows, feeling the sun on my neck.
This beach was supposedly private, but in the distance, I saw folks running away from the evening tide.
I’d also noticed a few other couples during our stay, but so far, no one had ventured close enough to chat.
I chuckled. Hope they don’t have a long-range camera lens and are big Stone and Naomi fans.
Peering at our cabin, I watched Stone pace back and forth in the front room window, phone glued to his ear.
I pushed down my annoyance and attempted to give him the benefit of the doubt. At least he tried. He was here, with me, and he’d turned Shoshanna down when she’d suggested flying Naomi out for a few hours to get a shot with Stone on the beach.
Within the confines of our behind-the-curtain relationship, Stone usually treated me well.
By necessity, we spent most of our limited time together at my apartment.
He listened when I talked about my classes, asking specifics about tests and online lectures.
We cooked together and took long drives, finding lonely stopovers where we could get out and gaze at the stars.
I told him stories about growing up in Coleman Creek, about Marley’s students and Maureen’s online styling clients.
He rubbed my shoulders when I looked stressed, and he never failed to tell me how beautiful and amazing I was.
For sure, knowing there was an end date to his charade with Naomi helped me manage the secrecy.
I just needed to hang on until the movie came out in July.
But there was another issue in our relationship that wouldn’t be as easily solved.
Watching Stone on his laptop and phone this week, spending every hour of the day near him, it really sank in how busy he was chasing his dreams.
If I were to eventually become Stone’s real, public-facing girlfriend, I would also need to accept that he would be gone a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Unlike the situation with Naomi, his travel schedule wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.
Stone had been away from Los Angeles for at least half the time we’d known each other.
Besides his movie shoot, he traveled constantly to film clips for his channel, flying regularly to other states to appear on podcasts or the occasional local morning show.
He felt like he needed to say yes to every opportunity since, as he liked to remind me, his star could grow cold as quickly as it had grown hot.
He rarely let his I don’t care facade slip, but underneath, I saw how nervous he was about not being able to make his fame stick.
Mostly, the distance worked for me. Stone didn’t make demands. He wasn’t around much, but when he was, it was like getting a recharge on feeling attractive and desired.
It had taken me a while to decode what it was about Stone’s fakery with Naomi that still nagged at me—the unease I’d admitted to Leo during our tense video call. At first, I assumed it was as Leo suspected, that I didn’t like this plan because Stone was treating me more cavalierly than he should.
But that wasn’t the truth.
What I truly disliked about Stone’s arrangement with Naomi was that it forced me to put more thought and energy into our relationship than I wanted to. There was a reason I hadn’t gone public with Stone. I’d liked having an excuse to put in so little effort.
Wandering around one of Maui’s most beautiful beaches solo had driven home the point of just how little investment I’d made.
Those first few months, I’d enjoyed spending time with Stone, the man, but what I’d really fallen for was the convenience of Stone, the boyfriend I didn’t have to think too hard about.
Now I had to coordinate our schedules to avoid being seen together. I had Shoshanna hassling me to sign an NDA. The tactical maneuvering involved in making this vacation happen was worthy of a spy novel.
I recalled Leo’s crinkled-up face and broken voice when he worried I wasn’t getting what I deserved.
But it was more like I was getting much more than I’d bargained for.
I heard the snapping sound of someone walking in flip-flops. Stone came up behind me as the sun set. He rolled out a towel on the sand and pulled me into his arms.
“You look stunning out here in the evening light,” he said, kissing my freckled shoulder. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick. Being on the phone and stuff.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s given me a chance to think.” I snuggled against his chest.
“Oh yeah? Watchya thinking about?”
“I was thinking that I can’t wait until your movie comes out this summer. So you can end the thing with Naomi.”
He pulled me away from him, fixing his eyes on mine. “I thought you were cool with it?”
“I am,” I responded slowly. “But I don’t love it. It’s been…harder than I thought it would be.” There you go, Leo. This is me laying it on the line with Stone, just like you wanted me to. “I don’t like that it’s put us in a stasis. I want to try being an actual couple, seeing what that feels like.”
He sighed. “I want that too.”
Nodding, I leaned back into him. “I graduate in June, so lots of things will change. When we first met, I know it was my choice to keep things casual and under wraps. It made sense to be on the down-low until we could be sure we were going somewhere. But what I realized is, we can’t figure that out if we’re hiding all the time.
When we’re together but also not. Like I said, stasis.
I need a reason to put more energy into our relationship, not our deception. ”
He wrapped his arms around me. “That makes sense.”
That settled it in my mind. Once Stone and I made our relationship official, I could decide if I wanted to invest more into it. We’d already put in six months. Maybe with more time, and hopefully a little less distance, I could form the sort of connection with Stone that I’d forged with Leo.