Chapter 17 Miranda
Chapter seventeen
Miranda
NOW
On Wednesday, two minutes after closing out of my work portal, I received an unwelcome message on my phone.
SHOSHANNA (STONE’S PA): Stone asked me to check in with you. He said you’re not picking up your calls or answering texts.
Ugh. I liked Shoshanna, and I knew she was just doing her job, but dammit, this was weird.
And invasive. I didn’t owe her any more than what I was already doing.
I’d gotten into a groove in Coleman Creek and was enjoying the breather.
There were large chunks of time when I forgot the circumstances that brought me back to town.
Because I could just exist here. And be happy.
With Leo.
I knew I should pick up Stone’s calls, or at least reply to his texts, but a larger part of me wanted to…not do that. To allow myself to behave as if we were truly apart, to try that feeling on for size.
I couldn’t get away from the situation entirely.
Even though I wasn’t providing more statements about Stone on @theadventurousmiranda, I did post pictures of me and Leo.
In front of the Christmas tree. Outside playing with Bambi and Oscar.
At the bowling alley. It was so much easier to process and commit to the playacting in Coleman Creek.
There was nowhere I was more comfortable.
And Stone needed to let me handle it my way. He could try using Shoshanna as his errand person, but I didn’t need to go along with it.
I closed the text app and shoved my phone in my pocket.
A moment later, Leo walked into the room.
“How’d it go?” I asked. He’d spent the day working with Kasen, setting up for the Holiday Hoopla.
“Good, I think. We’re ahead of schedule because Will swung by for a few hours. And he may not be a professional, but Kasen is a huge help.”
“I’m not surprised. He’s always been a hard worker.” I rubbed my temples.
“You alright?”
“Tired. I hate being on Zoom while the rest of the team is in the office. They don’t seem pissed or anything, but it’s hard.”
“Still no work besties?”
I shook my head. “Hasn’t been enough time, plus, you know—”
He didn’t need me to say Stone’s name. We both knew.
When I’d made the comment at the bowling alley about starting my real life, it struck me how much my relationship with Stone had kept me treading water for the past year.
Not just in the romantic sense, but in all aspects of my existence.
Turning down Stone’s FaceTime requests and not replying to his texts was petty, sure, but it was also liberating.
Now that I’d separated myself from Los Angeles, I recognized how much of a hole I’d been in.
To be fair, I already knew. I’d already decided what I needed to say to him. But the past few days in Coleman Creek had strengthened my resolve.
I’d tried to start my real life once, the first time I’d planned to move on from my friends.
Then my mom got sick, and I stayed in place rather than risk disappointing her.
After she died, my grief paralyzed me again.
Meeting Leo, being with him, I’d begun to heal.
But then came the letdown of not being able to be with him the way I wished I could be.
That chance meeting with Stone on the beach, so innocuous at the time, created another excuse for my inertia.
Leo was my safe place to be myself, to live as authentically as possible. That was why I’d lost my shit with him on Halloween. Because I knew nothing I could say or do would make him walk away from me for good.
That was also why I knew he’d understand once I told him I needed some distance.
At least for a little while. I’d tell him how much I loved him, but that our love wasn’t serving me at the moment.
I had to resolve things with Stone and decide what came next.
And I knew Leo would support me. It wouldn’t break us.
“You look like your brain is melting, Panda.”
I brushed away my thoughts. If this holiday season was the last chunk of time I got with Leo before putting space between us, I was making the most of it.
“I really am tired. The past few weeks of being on edge are catching up with me.”
He stepped behind where I sat at the dining table and began massaging my shoulders. “Are Marley and James home?”
“They have a PTA meeting at the school, and then they’re doing date night at The Landslide.” As his fingers worked the tension from my sore muscles, I barely suppressed a moan. “I was going to make spaghetti for us, if that’s okay?”
He pressed his thumb into my deltoids. “Spaghetti works. But you're clearly beat, so I’ll be doing the cooking.”
“Thanks. I’ll make the salad, though.”
I breathed deeply as he continued the massage, thinking about my day.
Prior to all this, I hadn’t been in tune with my coworkers—still exuding new-kid stink around the office.
Based on the reception I’d received in our online meetings over the past few days, working remotely hadn’t helped matters, except for the few folks who hinted they’d love it if I brought Stone around.
Leo’s magic hands helped ease some of the stress. My muscles turned to jelly as he worked his fingers down the center of my spine between my shoulder blades, the heat of his palms penetrating the thin material of my T-shirt.
His touch soothed my nerves. I’d missed him while he’d been out working with Kasen. I was used to Leo always having my metaphorical back. It was even better being in the same room with his hands on my literal back.
“I can’t believe how tight you are,” he murmured, close enough that the hairs on my neck stood at attention.
His index finger found a knot, and I couldn’t stop my soft groan of satisfaction as he worked it out.
“Good?” he asked with a smile in his voice.
“Mm-hmm,” I drawled. “The only way it could feel better is if you were doing my whole body.”
His hands stilled for a moment before moving lower. I tilted forward in the chair to give him better access to the middle of my back.
“Is that something you want? … Or need?” he asked. “Would it help you if I did this…everywhere?”
He sounded so unsure, and I had no idea how to read it.
Why would he be hesitant when physical touch didn’t affect him? He was acting as if I’d suggested something untoward.
I pushed back my chair, and he stumbled. “Leo, it just slipped out.” I forced a small laugh. “Because you totally turned my stiff shoulders into a puddle of goo. There’s no day spa in Coleman Creek, so it’s not like I’m used to getting massages here. Don’t worry about it.”
He grabbed my shoulders. “You don’t need to take it back. It just surprised me, is all. But I’m happy to give you a…more comprehensive massage if you think it will help. I played football in high school. I lived for the trainer rubdowns after tough games.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes, Panda. I’ve never given anyone a full massage before, but I’m sure I can do it. And if it makes you feel better, I’m happy to.”
His words were soft, but his gaze was sharp. With any other man, I’d call the glint in his eyes heat, but with him—
Leo didn’t desire me.
And yet—
He was also the same man I’d shared a bed with after Marley and James’s wedding. The night I’d been trying to forget for five months.
A shiver rolled down my spine.
I wasn’t going to overthink it. I wanted his hands on me. That was all I needed to know.
“I’d love a massage.”
5 MONTHS AGO - JULY
“Explain it to me again.” Sitting on Marley's couch, my voice was calm, but underneath I seethed. If Stone looked carefully enough at the tablet screen, I was certain he’d see smoke coming out of my ears.
“Wow, you’re like, really mad.” He sounded genuinely baffled. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you this pissed.”
“Can you blame me?”
He scratched his temple like a gorilla. “I dunno, babes. I honestly thought you’d be cool with it. Like you’ve been cool with everything so far.”
Sometimes I thought Stone didn’t understand me at all. Other times—like now—I knew he didn’t.
“Just because I haven’t been constantly getting upset with you or re-litigating this decision doesn’t mean I’m just meh or whatever about the whole thing.
Constantly raking you over the coals seemed counterproductive, especially since I agreed to this.
But I also believe I was clear with you that my patience has a ticking clock.
You know full well I’ve been waiting for you and Naomi to break up. ”
Maybe I should have expected this, since Stone was correct that I hadn’t pushed back on anything so far. But I meant what I’d just said. Being sulky would have been hypocritical. But now he was breaking our agreement. And he was finding out that I had a lot more bite than he'd realized.
“Stone, I’m not just going to accept this like some docile little animatron.
Naomi’s the one who’s your fake girlfriend, remember?
I’m your actual girlfriend—supposedly—and I’m the one who should have a say in our relationship.
I can’t believe you talked to Shoshanna about this and agreed without even discussing it with me! ”
“Babes, I’m sorry.” He bit his lip, and I knew his regret was genuine.
“I feel like a total ass now because it honestly didn’t occur to me that you wouldn’t be fine with it.
I know you said so on the beach, but I guess…
I guess you’ve just been so chill with everything so far, I didn’t…
think.” He leaned closer to his camera, so his face took up almost my entire screen.
“I’m just really stuck here. The public loves Naomi and me together, even more than Shoshanna thought they would.
The movie is getting good buzz. If we break up right after it releases, it’ll kill the vibe. ”
Panic in First Class hadn’t even come out yet, and I was already over it. It was getting great reviews and even some awards chatter, so interest in Stone and Naomi had magnified.