Chapter 22 #2
“This really is one of the coolest small towns I’ve ever seen,” he said. “I didn’t pay much attention last year when I posted your sister’s video, but this place is a total vibe.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet. Can you stay a few more days? We have the Hoopla on Saturday. That’s peak holiday around here.”
He grunted and shook his head. “I have to get back tomorrow. But I’m glad I came…even if it was to get my heart stomped on.” His tone teased, but he couldn’t totally disguise the regretful undercurrent. “Miranda?”
“Hmm?”
“I appreciate you waiting to break up in person. I think we deserved that. But now that it’s official, can I tell you something…as your friend?”
“Of course.”
“If I call you up to hang out in LA in, say, three months, and you tell me you’re still dating Leo, I want you to know that I’m not gonna be mad about it.”
I squirmed, feeling my cheeks heat. “What?”
“Ten minutes ago, you said I’d see that we fooled ourselves into believing we could be long-term.
And I do see. Now. I see clearly for the first time since we met.
And I think you do too.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.
“You said you wanted more… Darlin’, I sincerely hope you get it. ”
6 WEEKS AGO - HALLOWEEN
It wasn’t working.
I’d given it over two months, pushed myself to look past the distance and focus on the times Stone and I were together. Forced myself to enjoy his company, to appreciate his beauty and his snarky sense of humor.
But it wasn’t enough.
I did not love Stone, and every time we talked, I fell increasingly out of like with him.
Plus, I’d stopped sharing his bed.
He’d flown into town twice more since August, and I’d begged off both times. Thank goodness he was thick enough not to question that I’d been on my period more than once in a four-week span.
In my heart, I knew it was memories of Leo that had me balking at intimacy with Stone. I was more excited by the recollection of Leo’s unintended hard-on than by the prospect of actual sex with Stone. And that wasn’t fair to either of us.
I needed to call it, but I also had to work up to that. Because I was great at keeping things static.
Change required a plan of attack.
Once I broke up with Stone, I’d be left with a job that still felt like being posted on an alien planet, an Instagram brand I was uninvested in, a group of friends who were now closer to casual acquaintances, sisters who lived twelve hundred miles away, and a relationship with my best friend that was a little choppy since I couldn’t figure out if I should bring up the time (two times!) he’d jabbed me with his dick.
But first things first, I needed to come to a new understanding with Stone. An understanding of the we should just be friends variety.
I sank back on my couch and picked up the candy bowl from the coffee table.
Considering I was in an apartment on the second floor, the concept of trick-or-treaters was aspirational at best, so I had to assume I’d subconsciously purchased the Costco-sized bag of Snickers, Three Musketeers, M&M’s, and Milky Ways as my personal consolation prize for not being able to go out.
I wasn’t a huge Halloween person, but my coworkers had invited me to a party in Pasadena that many of them were attending. I’d been down to go initially, even assembling a passable Edward Scissorhands costume for myself. But then Stone told me he’d be flying into town for the night.
Since his Vancouver shoot was scheduled to last months and I didn’t know when we’d see each other again, I figured I should take the opportunity to end things with him before the holidays.
It was a bummer because it was the first time I’d been invited to something social with my coworkers that wasn’t an official office function, and I worried they’d think I was blowing them off.
I knew the “Sorry. Not feeling well. Can’t make it” text I’d sent sounded flimsy.
They didn’t know me well enough to realize I’d never cancel plans without a good reason, and they also had no idea most people considered me fun to be around.
So far, they’d only seen me nervous, triaging my way through assignments and navigating the new job learning curve.
I’d thought about finding a way to casually divulge my Instagram profile, but I really didn’t want to be that girl anymore, even if having tens of thousands of followers might increase my credibility with fellow marketing professionals.
Although I’d spent seven years building my online persona as a brand, and had mentioned it during the hiring process, I didn’t want to make it a focal point. Or be tied to it.
I wanted them to like me, but I also appreciated that they thought I was boring.
I popped the last bite of a Snickers into my mouth and sighed. Stone should have arrived twenty minutes ago. Pretty sure that was candy number four.
Okay, fine, it was number seven.
STONE: Sorry, babes. Shoshanna found out Naomi is also in town. She wants us to be seen together at some party. Don’t worry. I’ll just show my face for a bit and then I’ll be right over.
I hmphed. Darn it. I could have gone to the other party. For a bit.
Two hours later, I sat alone on the couch, two beers and a dozen more candies in, alternating between self-recrimination and anger at Stone.
He wasn’t behaving in any way I hadn’t condoned over the past year. It just hadn’t bothered me before. And maybe that should have been my first clue. For months, I’d misinterpreted not being bothered as not needing to change it.
Rather than let my anger boil, I did the thing I knew would keep me sane and firm up my resolve. The thing that reminded me more than anything else of how shallow my connection to Stone truly was.
I called Leo.
Holding my breath, wondering if he’d pick up or if he had his own Halloween plans, I exhaled when the connection went through. His face filled my tablet, and I clocked the warmth of his expression. Only Leo ever looked at me like that.
“Panda!” he exclaimed. “Hey! … Happy Halloween! Are you back from the party already?” He scratched his temple. “Or do I need to fly down and take care of some mean girl cubicle dweller for you?”
Right. The last time we spoke, I’d mentioned how nervous I was to finally be invited to a social thing with my coworkers. He knew I’d been walking on eggshells trying to make inroads with them.
Stone didn’t know about my plans tonight, but Leo did.
“Actually. I, uh, had to cancel.”
His eyebrows rose. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah. I mean, no. I’m fine. It’s just that… Stone came into town.”
“Oh.” The light behind his eyes dimmed. “He’s there now?”
I bit my lip and tried to keep my irritation with Stone from my tone as I responded, “No. He’s gotta make an appearance with Naomi. Then he’ll be here.”
Leo clearly had to choke down other words before muttering, “I see.”
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked, switching topics. “I don’t think you ever mentioned. No big spooky shindig?”
He held up a bag of the same candy mix I’d purchased and grinned. “Nope. My epic plan is to pick out and eat all the Three Musketeers from this bag. Also, I’m watching the original Nightmare on Elm Street. Did you know Johnny Depp is in it?”
I rolled my eyes, grateful to be back on even footing. “Yes, you philistine. Everyone knows that.”
We were chatting about our favorite horror movies when I heard an alert on his laptop through my speakers. He clicked into something and frowned.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s nothing.” Maneuvering his laptop away from his face, he gave me a view of his profile.
“You sure?”
He ran a hand through his hair, the blond strands longer than usual.
Finally, he said, “I have my computer set up to alert me when Stone gets mentioned online.” I startled, and he defended himself.
“Don’t give me that look, Miranda. My best friend is in a secret relationship with a guy who is in a public relationship with someone else.
And I’m the only one who knows. I just wanted to keep up in case you…
needed me. Since I don’t really do socials or anything. ”
The thing was, I believed him. I knew he was just looking out for me. Still, I recognized a knot of shame in my belly, thinking about how Leo had seen all the pictures of my boyfriend laughing, kissing, and going out with another woman.
It might have been irrational—probably the result of beer and candy on an empty stomach—but I resented the fact that Leo had seen those photos.
Despite already deciding to end things with Stone, I felt the need to justify myself.
“You know all that with Naomi is fake, right? It’s just PR.”
“I know.” He gave me a soft look through the camera, facing it directly again. “I only want you to be okay.”
Was that pity in his voice?
I pursed my lips before whooshing out a breath. “So what did your computer alert you to?”
His eyes darted to the right, like he was looking at something else on his screen. “A pic of Stone and Naomi at a Halloween party tonight. No big deal.”
I opened my phone, and it popped up right away on my feed. Stone and Naomi at some producer’s home in the Hollywood Hills. Dressed in a couple’s costume as ketchup and mustard bottles.
I blinked hard when I saw it.
Forgetting that Leo could see me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing really,” I hushed out, narrowing my gaze at the image. “It’s just weird, you know. Ketchup and mustard. I could almost see it if he was dressed up as, like, a shirtless barbarian and Naomi was a sexy kitten or something.” I released a humorless laugh. “This just seems so wholesome.”
It wasn’t real. The strain in Stone’s eyes and the tightness of his jaw didn’t escape me. I knew what it looked like when he didn’t want to be somewhere. But it would look very real to anyone else.
“You’re upset,” Leo stated flatly.
I nodded. “I’ll be okay. It just wears on me sometimes.”