Chapter 4 Joel
Joel
Icarry Nina upstairs to my bedroom, and the significance of it hits me somewhere around the landing.
I haven't brought anyone to this room in years. This space has been mine alone—my sanctuary, my refuge. But having Nina here feels right in a way nothing else has.
I lay her on my bed, she looks fucking perfect against my dark gray sheets, and just take a moment to look at her. Naked, flushed, her hair spread out like a dark halo, still catching her breath from what we just did downstairs.
"You're staring," she says, but she's smiling.
"Can't help it. I've imagined you in my bed so many times. The reality is better."
"Show me." She props herself up on her elbows. "Show me what you imagined."
Christ. The way she looks at me, all confident and challenging and still a little breathless, makes me hard all over again.
I crawl over her, caging her in with my arms. "I imagined tasting every inch of you." I kiss her throat. Kiss her collarbone.
She arches into me. "Joel."
I settle between her thighs and she's still wet—from me, from her own arousal, from the mess we made downstairs. I lap at her slowly, thoroughly, and she tastes like sex and salt and musk.
"Still sensitive?" I murmur against her.
"Yes," she whimpers.
I work her with my tongue and fingers, taking my time, learning exactly what she needs. When she comes, she's beautiful—back arched, my name on her lips, her whole body trembling.
I kiss my way back up her body, settling between her legs. She reaches between us, wraps her hand around my cock, and guides me to her entrance.
"Inside me," she demands. "Now, Daddy."
Fuck. Hearing her call me Daddy does something crazy to me. Makes me feel possessive and protective and absolutely feral.
I thrust into her in one smooth stroke. She's so wet, so tight, still fluttering from her last orgasm.
"That's my girl," I breathe, starting to move. "Taking me so well."
"Harder." Her nails dig into my back.
I hook her leg over my shoulder, changing the angle, and drive into her harder. The sounds she makes—those desperate, needy little whimpers—are driving me insane.
"You like that?" I'm already close but I'm trying to hold off. "Like when I fuck you hard?"
"Yes! Don't stop!"
My hand slides between us, finding her clit, and she shatters. I can't hold back anymore. I bury myself deep and come hard, groaning her name.
We collapse together, sweaty and spent, and I roll to my side, pulling her with me. She fits perfectly against my chest, her head tucked under my chin, and I feel something in my chest crack wide open.
This. This is what I want. Not just the incredible sex but this. Her in my arms. Her in my bed. Her in my life.
"Joel?" Her voice is soft, sleepy.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
She said she was in love with me earlier, but this simple statement, said so easily is what undoes me.
"I love you too," I say against her hair. "So fucking much."
We shower together, and it's intimate in a different way—washing each other's hair, gentle touches, quiet laughter. By the time we make it back to the bedroom, it's mid-afternoon and we're both starving.
"We should probably eat something," I say, pulling on clean boxers and jeans.
"The cinnamon rolls are definitely inedible by now," Nina says, looking adorably rumpled in my t-shirt again.
"I'll make us something. What do you want?"
"You." She grins. "But also food. Actual food."
We head downstairs and I make us grilled cheese sandwiches, simple but satisfying. We eat at the island where this all started, and I can't stop touching her. My hand on her thigh, fingers playing with her hair, stealing kisses between bites.
"We should talk about this," I finally say, though part of me just wants to keep touching her and not think about the complications.
"Or we could not talk," Nina suggests, leaning in to kiss me.
But I catch her face in my hands, holding her back. "Nina. We need to figure this out. Alexis comes home day after tomorrow."
Her expression sobers. "I know."
"She's going to freak out."
"Probably." Nina takes my hands in hers. "But Joel, she's going to freak out whether we tell her now or six months from now. At least if we tell her together, as a united front, she'll see this is real."
"What if she asks us to end it?" The question terrifies me. "What if she says she can't handle this?"
"Then we give her time." Nina's voice is steady, certain. "We give her space to process. But Joel… I'm not giving you up. Not after finally having you. Not after wanting you for so long."
"Even if it costs you your best friend?"
"It won't come to that." She sounds more confident than I feel. "Yes, she'll be weird about it at first. She might be angry, might need time. But Alexis loves us both. She wants us to be happy. Once she gets past the initial shock, she'll come around."
"You sound sure."
"I am sure." She squeezes my hands. "Because I know my best friend. She's the most open-minded, loving person I know. She'll be okay with this."
I want to believe her.
"What about work?" I ask. "Your ex is there. Are you going to be okay?"
"I've been updating my resume," she admits. "I think... I think I need a fresh start. New company, new opportunities."
"I could help you financially if you need time between jobs."
"Joel." She cuts me off gently. "I appreciate that. But I need to do this on my own, okay? I need to know I can stand on my own two feet."
Pride. I understand that. "Okay. But if you need anything…"
"I'll ask." She leans in to kiss me. "I promise."
Her phone buzzes on the counter, and she glances at the screen. Her expression shifts. "It's my mom. FaceTiming from the cruise."
My stomach tightens. "You should answer."
"Joel."
"Answer it."
She takes a breath and answers, angling the phone so I'm not in frame. "Hey, Mom! How's the cruise?"
I can hear her mother's excited voice, something about the Bahamas and the buffet. Nina smiles and nods, but I can see the tension in her shoulders.
"How are you spending Christmas, honey?" her mom asks. "With that nice boyfriend of yours?"
Nina's eyes flick to me. "Actually, we broke up."
"Oh no! Honey, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Where are you?"
"I'm fine, Mom. I'm at Alexis's dad's place in Connecticut. We got snowed in, but it's been... really nice actually."
There's a pause. "Joel? Alexis's father? That's sweet of him to take you in. He's always been such a gentleman. Give him our thanks, won't you?"
"I will," Nina says quietly.
After she hangs up, she sets the phone down and just stares at it for a long moment.
"You okay?" I ask.
"That was harder than I thought." She looks at me. Not telling her about us."
"We will tell them. After Alexis. One thing at a time."
"I know. It's just—" She takes a shaky breath. "This is real now, isn't it? Not just us in a bubble. Real life is going to intrude. People are going to have opinions. My parents, your colleagues, everyone."
I pull her into my arms. "Let them have opinions. I don't care what anyone thinks."
"You say that now."
"I mean it." I tilt her face up to mine. "Nina, I've spent too many years caring what other people think, living my life according to everyone else's expectations. I'm done with that. I want you. And I don't care who has a problem with it."
We finish eating and migrate back to the couch, and Nina insists we watch Christmas movies.
We end up watching The Holiday and I spend more time watching her than the screen.
The way she laughs at certain parts, the way she tears up at the emotional bits, the way she curls into my side like she belongs there.
Because she does belong there.
"Joel?" she says during a quiet moment in the film.
"Hmm?"
"What happens after we tell Alexis? I mean... what is this? What are we?"
I tilt her face up to mine. "What do you want us to be?"
"I want..." She takes a breath. "I want this to be real. Not just a Christmas fling because we were snowed in. I want to date you. Properly. I want—"
"Everything," I finish. "You want everything."
"Yes." Her eyes search mine. "Is that crazy?"
"No." I kiss her softly. "Because I want that too.
I want to take you to dinner. Want you to stay over on weekends.
Want to wake up with you every morning." I pause.
"I know the age gap is going to make some people uncomfortable.
And the fact that you're Alexis's friend.
But Nina—I don't care what anyone else thinks. I want you in my life."
"I want that too," she whispers. "All of it."
"Good." I pull her into my lap, and she straddles me, her hands framing my face. "Because I'm not letting you go."
She kisses me, and it's different from the desperate, hungry kisses earlier. This is slow and deep and full of promise. This is a kiss that says forever.
Later, Nina falls asleep in my arms, and I lie there in the dark, listening to her breathe, feeling her warmth against me.
I'm forty-eight years old. I thought I'd missed my chance at this—at real love, at partnership, at waking up happy every morning. My divorce made me think I was the problem. Too boring. Too old. Not enough.
But Nina looks at me like I hung the moon. She laughs at my jokes and listens to my stories and makes me feel like the most interesting man alive. She challenges me and comforts me and drives me absolutely wild.
And tomorrow I have to tell my daughter that I'm in love with her best friend.
The thought terrifies me. But as I hold Nina close, feeling her heart beat against my chest, I know it's worth the risk.
Because this woman in my arms? She's worth everything.
I fall asleep thinking about our future: about waking up like this every morning, about bringing her coffee in bed, about building a life together. About making this permanent.
About making her mine forever.