10. Day ten
Day ten
I f I bet the envelope with the lemur gift would be the smallest of the gifts, I would lose that bet. Because what I presented to Leo on Sunday was a box so tiny it fit on the pad of my finger.
“I’m kinda afraid to touch it,” Leo admitted.
“Dear god, please take it from me. I had a heart attack every time the motorcycle went over a bump, thinking I surely squished it. Take it and take responsibility,” I said adamantly. Caring for such a little thing was stressful, alright?
The blond man reached for the box gingerly and carried it ceremoniously to the kitchen table where he tried to undo the extremely tiny ribbon. He failed spectacularly.
Under the onslaught of Leo’s puppy eyes I sighed and tried my hand at the task.
I failed as well.
“What even is this?” Leo groaned. “What did he send me, a Fort Knox in the form of a cute box?”
“You know, we could just cut the ribbon…”
“No! I will not fail this challenge.”
It took us five minutes, but with the help of special artist clips, Leo managed to take hold and undo the bow. Thankfully, the box was the kind with a lid so it opened without much problem.
“Jewelry?” Leo asked, his excited expression falling. “All this trouble for a necklace?”
“Well, it looks like spun silver. Incredibly delicate to fit in this tiny box. Look how it shines.” I admired the gift. “And… huh, I think there’s a tiny glass panel at the side of the box? Yes, there!”
Leo pried the see-through square out. We realized it wasn’t mere glass at the same time.
“It’s a magnifying glass!” Leo exclaimed, his interest returning. “There must be something hidden in there!”
“Look at the teardrop!” I pointed at the tiny dangling ornament on the silver chain. “There’s something inside!”
With my own non-enchanted eyesight, it looked just like a speck of dust, but the expression on Leo’s face as he looked through the magnifying glass told me there was more to it.
“The world’s tiniest violin. He sent me the world’s t-tiniest fucking violin!” Leo gasped out through the peals of laughter so strong there were tears in the corners of his eyes.
“Like… in the song? In the memes? Isn’t it a diss?”
“Normally, it would be, but with Peter it’s a special case. Alright, so Imagine this scene:
Peter: It’s a shame I won’t be able to attend the next gala to see you.
Me: Oh no, let me play the world’s tiniest violin for you.
Peter: I would love that.”
Leo did the voices and everything. It was incredibly hard to keep a straight face and not follow him into laughter.
“So, the reference flew over his head?”
“Like a plane! And he was so disgustingly earnest about me somehow playing the world’s tiniest violin as if that’s something that happens? Totally normal? And now he gave me the world’s tiniest violin to carry around!”
I whistled as I took a look through the magnifying glass myself.
“This is top-notch craftsmanship. I bet he had it made as a special order. If you post a pic of this on the internet, people will go crazy.”
“No! No way, it’s mine! I’m not sharing!”
“Alright, Gollum,” I raised my hands up to placate Leo, who was all but hissing at me and clutching his tiny gift to his chest.
I felt a pang of sadness at the realization none of my previous partners ever made such an effort for me. I wanted something I could covet like that as well, a physical proof of a blooming connection.
But I was just a conduit for the happiness of others.
Seeing Leo’s smile and thinking about Peter’s eyes filled with yearning and hope I couldn’t begrudge them their happiness.
As always, I stopped by Peter’s penthouse to deliver the haiku:
“A small violin
Is not something I can play
But I cherish it.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Peter’s mouth.
“I had an idea for this gift since the beginning… but I had a feeling that, if I sent it earlier, Leo would take it as a mockery and not as a playful jest.”
“Huh, so you do know what the world’s smallest violin means, after all?”
“I… have been informed of the meaning of the saying,” Peter used his resting bitch face to hide his embarrassment. “The song by that one band is… quite peculiar, but joyful.”
“Yeah, it rocks,” I grinned.
“Though I have learned the expression had featured in the TV show M*A*S*H as far as 1978 and may be a reference to the even earlier context of dramatic violin music used in the silent film era,” Peter told me with the fervor of someone who started on Wikipedia but ended on more obscure forums.
“Wow, you did your research, man,” I whistled in appreciation. “And that likely means you have a collection of memes on the topic as well. Show them to me!”
With only the merest hesitation Peter pulled out his phone and showed me all the variations of the world’s smallest violin memes, which inevitably led to me explaining some of the crossovers and other pop culture intricacies. The true fun began when it was my turn to pull out my phone and show a man who wore a suit even in his own home my collection of memes.
I had a goal: make Peter’s face go through all the possible expressions. Some, like bafflement or disgust, were easy to achieve, but I worked hard to see intrigue, pity, satisfaction, and excitement. I felt like a tourist guide in the world of memes.
“On the left, we see Brazilian Miku, on the right the Unknown from Willy Wonka’s experience, and over there two people who match each other’s freak,” I said as Peter’s eyes flickered across the screen, taking everything in as if there was going to be a test tomorrow. He was so serious, so intent! I told myself not to get too excited as he was likely doing it to better connect with the younger man he was enamored with and not with me.
Never with me.