Chapter 17
D elilah got a call from Quinn the afternoon following the unintended sex. And that was how she thought of it: the unintended sex. That way, it seemed more like an accident—as though she’d tripped, maybe, and fell on him—instead of a calculated thing she’d done to screw up her life.
She hadn’t expected him to call, and she certainly hadn’t intended to call him. After all, they’d made it clear that it was just physical release, nothing more. You didn’t expect follow-up calls for something like that.
That was why she was surprised when her cell phone rang and the readout on the screen said his name.
She was in Jesse’s room picking up dirty clothes from the floor and piling them into a laundry hamper when it happened.
She clicked on the button to accept the call, took a moment to collect herself, and answered.
“Hi, Quinn.”
“Hi? That’s all you have to say to me? Just, hi ?”
She blinked once in surprise. “Was there something else I should have said?”
“No. Of course not. You shouldn’t have said anything, because we shouldn’t even be talking, because you were never going to call me, were you?” He sounded angry. Behind him, she heard voices and the clatter of plates.
“Where are you?”
“Does that matter?”
“I guess not.”
“I’m at a Denny’s in Visalia. Not that you care.”
She shifted the laundry hamper onto her hip. “Why are you at a Denny’s in Visalia?”
“Because I was camping, and there’s no cell service at the park, so I came here to check my phone. Because I thought, foolishly, that maybe you’d called me. But you didn’t, so.”
Confused, Delilah put down the hamper, rubbed her eyes with her free hand, then waved at the air as though her confusion were a cloud of smoke in front of her.
“Back up, Quinn. Walk me through what’s happening, because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She heard him take a deep breath and let it out. “Ah, shit. I’m losing my mind, that’s what’s happening. I’m acting like a girl.”
“You’re acting like something.”
In the background, she heard a waitress offer him coffee, and Quinn declined. Then he turned his attention back to her.
“We had a … a moment,” he said. “A very good moment. And after two people have that kind of moment, it’s customary for them to talk to each other. Often, on the phone. But I didn’t want to be the one to call, because you told me you were using me for my body, and I told you I was okay with that, and then I didn’t want to suddenly not be okay with that.”
Delilah sat down on the edge of Jesse’s bed. “All right …”
“But it turns out, I’m not okay with it. The sex part, yes. But the part where that’s all you want from me? Not so much.”
Delilah’s heart began to hammer in her chest. “Quinn, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want us to be more than that. More than somebody using somebody. More than sex. I want us to give this thing a chance and see where it goes.”
“Oh.” Something fluttered inside her belly—something that threatened her security, her sense of safety, her very way of life. Something that might be irresistible. “But, tell me again why you’re in a Denny’s in Visalia?”
He sighed. “I wanted to call you, but I then I didn’t want to because of what you’d said about using me. But I also didn’t want to be some needy asshole waiting around for a woman to pay attention to him. So I went camping to get my mind off the whole thing. But it didn’t work, so here I am at a Denny’s in Visalia. I’m here because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Quinn held his breath, waiting for Delilah’s response. Then he realized he was holding his breath and forced himself to let it out.
He hadn’t meant to tell her all of that, but then again, he hadn’t meant to do any of this—he hadn’t meant to call her, and he hadn’t meant to want her like this in the first place.
He hadn’t meant to need her.
None of this was going the way he’d planned.
But now that he’d said what he’d said, he found himself hanging on her answer.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, either,” she said. “But …”
Ah, God. Of course there was a but .
“But what?”
“But it’s complicated.” Her voice was small, as though if she couldn’t hear herself saying these things, then maybe none of it was really happening.
“Of course it’s complicated. Relationships are always complicated. At least, the best ones are.”
Hadn’t he, just days before, promised himself that he would not get involved with a single mother? Hadn’t he assured himself that it was far too much baggage for him to carry? And now here he was, arguing in favor of complications. Funny how much things could change in a day.
“The boys need stability,” she said. “They’ve been through too much for me to bring another man into their lives, just for it to—”
“To what?”
“Just for it to end, Quinn! Because it’s going to end! I have a life in Connecticut, and you have a life here, and even if that weren’t the case, even if I weren’t going to leave in a month, things end! And when they do, it hurts like hell, and I can’t do that again—not to myself, and not to the boys.”
“Who says it’s going to end? Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it just keeps going.”
He hadn’t planned to say that, and now that it was out of his mouth, he was a little bit appalled. He’d gone from wanting to sleep with her to wanting to date her to suggesting that this might, in fact, be permanent.
All in a span of twenty-four hours.
He was right when he’d told her he was losing his mind.
“Look, why not give it a chance?” he said, summing up his argument. “If it doesn’t work for you, you’ve got an out already built in. You’re going home in a month. If we give it a try and you decide I’m not for you, then you just stick with the plan and flee as soon as your rental period at Otter Bluff is up. But if it does work, if you decide it’s worth more time …” He left it hanging, just left it out there for her to mentally fill in the blanks.
“Quinn …”
“I’m just asking you to leave your options open. That’s all.”
With his free hand, he repeatedly crumpled a paper napkin and then smoothed it atop the booth’s table. Crumple, smooth, crumple, smooth.
Kind of the way his heart felt these days.
“I’ll think about it,” she said finally.
He sat up straighter in his seat. “You will?”
“Yes.”
“Does that mean you’ll see me again?”
“That’s what I’ll be thinking about.”
He grinned. “Well, think fast, because I already miss you.”
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Delilah thought as she sat on Jesse’s bed, holding her cell phone in her lap and thinking about Quinn’s call. She wasn’t supposed to jump into another relationship. She was supposed to take time to get herself together and decide what she wanted in the wake of her divorce.
Was that too much to ask?
She wasn’t the kind of woman things like this happened to. She’d never been someone who had handsome men falling all over her. She’d barely dated before she’d met Mitch, and then, once she was married, she must have given off housewife vibes, because men had barely looked at her after that.
Until Quinn.
So, what was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to just put herself out there—put her kids out there—and pray that they didn’t get hurt?
That’s how it works, idiot. You put yourself out there and pray you don’t get hurt. That’s how relationships have always worked since the beginning of time. There’s no other way.
The fact was, he made her feel good. Scared, but good. She hadn’t felt good in so long that she’d forgotten what it was like. She’d given up on the idea of feeling good—at least when it came to men.
If it doesn’t work, I’ve got an out.
That’s what he’d said, and he was right. She could walk away in a month if she had to. Or even if she just wanted to.
God, she was so tired of being alone. Of being lonely. She’d been alone and lonely since long before Mitch left—she just hadn’t realized it.
She wanted to let herself be happy, but the risks were substantial.
Delilah pulled up her text message app and typed in a message: The boys can’t know we’re dating. Not until we know how it’s going to go. They have to think we’re just friends.
She sent the message, cursing herself for being weak and stupid enough to put herself at risk again.
In a moment, his response came.
Are we dating, then?
She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and let it out. Then she answered him.
God help me, yes. I think we are.
Life was nothing without risk.