Chapter 12
Twelve
Chris was in a state of…something. He couldn’t think of any words to describe how he felt.
Panic, maybe? Anxiety? A major freak-out of epic proportions?
Yeah, that just about summed it up.
Five days ago, he’d slept with Jane. Well, little sleep had actually been involved. No, five days ago, he’d had sex with Jane.
Sweet, beautiful, giving Jane.
Impulse had led him to do it. That and good old-fashioned lust. And want. And need. Once he’d touched her, he needed her as if he needed his very last breath. The intensity behind their every mutual shift and movement, every kiss, every caress had been unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.
Caught up in the moment, that’s what he’d chalked it up to.
Caught up in her and her delicious scent, her touch, her mouth.
Damn that lush, seductive mouth. Those little hands had fluttered over him as if too cautious to touch, but once she’d gotten into it, oh, how she’d touched him. Touched his heart.
It had been all-consuming.
But when he’d come down from his Jane high, reality had crashed around him.
They’d dozed in each other’s arms until one of the kids had cried out for her. Jane had withdrawn from him, sadness and a hint of hesitation clouding her soulful green eyes. Dawn had started to break, dim gray light slowly filling the guest room, and he’d watched as she hurriedly dressed.
The scars, the raised, disfigured skin he’d touched, was laid bare in the thin light of the morning.
He caught sight of them and she knew it.
For once, she hadn’t shied away or tried to hide.
He touched her there, lightly tracing her scars, his gaze locked with hers.
And she stood before him, unflinching, so brave. The sight of her shattered him.
He told himself they didn’t bother him, the scars.
But they did affect him. Not because they made Jane unappealing or ugly or whatever her fears were.
They affected him because they showed the extensive damage this woman had gone through.
Everything she’d suffered in the past was on display, and from what he could tell, she’d suffered a lot.
Seeing them, seeing Jane, making love to her, had been almost too much.
After she left the room, he’d quietly lost it.
The urge to leave, to flee like some sort of trapped animal, had pushed him to hurriedly get dressed.
Rush out of her house as if the devil nipped at his heels, her children sitting around the kitchen table staring at him like he’d grown horns and carried a pitchfork.
The disappointment on Jane’s face had been undeniable.
He’d let her down, and he didn’t quite know how to rectify it.
It didn’t help that he’d gone home and crashed for over twenty-four hours—the lingering effects of his utter emotional and physical exhaustion.
He’d recovered just in time to go back on shift for the next four days.
Considering it was the slowest time of year, it had been a busy four days as well.
And so now, he was off for the next three days.
The perfect opportunity for him to swing by Jane’s house and talk to her.
Beg her forgiveness for being such an ass.
He’d bolted from fear of his taking it too seriously.
Then he’d stayed away after he started hearing rumors about his truck being seen in Jane’s driveway.
And when Dolores, the checker who’d probably worked at Hillside Market for as long as he’d been alive asked when he and Jane were going to get married, he knew he was in big trouble.
God. He hadn’t even called her. He wouldn’t blame Jane if she told him to get lost. Staying away from her had made him realize, though—he missed her. He’d made a mistake, bailing out and then not calling. He could only imagine how much of an asshole she thought he was.
Chris went straight home, not ready to face her yet.
He needed to gather some courage first. He changed out of his uniform and took a quick shower.
Shaved carefully, and actually put styling product in his hair.
He’d dressed even more carefully, digging his newest jeans out of the dresser, and slipping them on. Dressing to impress was the plan.
Would it work?
Okay yeah, he was acting ridiculous. He needed to get the hell out of his house and over to Jane’s. Now.
Gathering his wallet and keys, he went to the front door and opened it to find Mac standing on his doorstep, his hand poised as if ready to knock.
“Going somewhere?” Mac’s brows lifted.
“As a matter of fact, I am.” Chris didn’t quite know how to admit he was going to Mac’s sister’s house. He wasn’t sure if Jane even wanted anyone to know they were actually seeing each other.
And could he even call it that? Seeing each other?
Dating?
“So you don’t have time to talk.” Mac moved past him and strode into the living room. “I was headed home and saw your truck in the driveway. Planned on calling you, but thought now is as good a time as ever.”
Chris slowly shut the door and turned to face his friend. “I’m thinking I don’t have a choice. What’s up?”
Mac at least had the dignity to look sheepish. “Sorry to keep you. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions.”
“About what?” Chris tensed.
“Well, Mindy and I got to talking, and she mentioned Jane hasn’t been acting right lately. She thinks something’s bothering her, but she doesn’t know what, and Mindy’s worried. Do you know? What’s wrong with Jane?”
How could Chris word this delicately without getting his face bashed in by a protective brother? He needed to be somewhat honest. “I was headed over there right now, actually.”
Mac scowled. “So is it true? Are you dating my sister?”
“Kind of.” Chris shrugged, saw the suspicious gleam in his friend’s eye, and hurried to explain. “We haven’t officially defined it yet.”
Mac sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Bro, don’t screw this up.”
“There’s really nothing to screw up.” Liar. You left her alone and might’ve screwed this up big-time already.
And this was why he was running to her. Before it was too late—or was it too late already?
He was such an idiot.
“Mindy said she’s been withdrawn, emotional, and short with the kids. Hell, I don’t know, I haven’t seen her lately and if anyone’s all of those things, it’s Mindy.” Mac’s expression went grim. “Marty left her. They’re going to file for divorce.”
“Ah man, that sucks.” Chris liked Mindy, though he didn’t know Marty very well.
“Yeah, I guess it’s better than staying in a miserable marriage. My mom’s freaking out. She’s so upset it’s going to ruin Christmas.” Mac rolled his eyes. “Family drama. Gotta love it.”
Chris had no idea what it was like, to deal with family drama. Not really. His parents had fought like crazy, but they didn’t involve him. And once he’d figured out how bad their marriage really was, how much they hated each other, his mother had dragged him away from his dad.
That was a whole different kind of drama, though. The drama Mac referred to involved a family that loved each other. Picked on each other, yes, but loved each other just the same.
“Yeah, drama,” Chris echoed, only because he thought he should.
“Well, you’ll find yourself right smack-dab in the middle of it if you and Jane start dating.” Mac shook his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You sure you’re up to this? Especially since she’s so moody lately?”
No. He wasn’t sure at all. But he knew he was willing to give it a try. And besides, he was sure she was moody because of him. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Mac watched him, quiet until he gave a short nod. “I’ll let you go. Sorry to bother you.”
“Hey, no problem. You’re never a bother. Want to get together and go quad riding next week?” Both Chris and Mac owned all-terrain vehicles and liked to go riding the many trails just above town.
“Sounds good. I’ll call you.”
They walked together out into the cold darkness, Mac giving Chris a friendly wave as he climbed into his car.
Chris got in his truck and started it, his thoughts slowing him down.
What if this thing didn’t work between him and Jane?
Would it wreck his friendship with Mac? He’d met Mac the first week he’d moved to Lone Pine Lake and they’d become fast friends.
He hated the thought of losing him because he broke up with his sister.
A sobering thought. Something he hadn’t considered. There were many things he hadn’t considered, he realized, even though he had always been a think-ahead sort of guy. He liked to plot things through. He didn’t normally make rash, spontaneous decisions.
Like buying Jane a Christmas gift, maybe. Something special, something…momentous. He didn’t usually buy anyone presents. He’d been called a Grinch more than once.
But from the moment he met Jane, he’d gone against the grain and behaved like a completely different man.
And he realized it felt pretty good.
“Mommy, how much more popcorn are you gonna make us string?”
Jane sighed and shot a stern glance toward her oldest child. “Aren’t you the one who wanted to put a popcorn garland on the tree?”
Lexi nodded, her lips pursed. She clutched a half-filled string, a bowl of popcorn sitting at her feet. She looked bored.
“If you’d rather do something else, go ahead.” Jane didn’t want to make Lexi suffer. Sophia wasn’t even around the tree, having long ago abandoned them in favor of playing with her dolls. Logan was hanging and re-hanging and re-hanging various ornaments so the tree looked completely bottom-heavy.