Chapter 13
IVY
“Chad?” I ask.
He’s still staring at me, surprise in his expression.
It’s no shock to me that everyone at that food table is listening in on the conversation.
How could they not? It’s only a few feet away from where Malcolm and I sit.
I didn’t think it was a big deal. I thought Malcolm and I would declare ourselves friends, promise not to let weirdness ruin our relationship with Law, all that.
I get the feeling Malcolm wants more than that from our conversation.
But something Chad heard had him spinning around to stare at me, wonder in his expression.
“Sorry,” he says quickly. “You, uh, didn’t tell me what to put in your coffee.”
He’s been standing over there for several minutes with Carlie, Ava, and Gabriella—none of them even pretending to talk to each other anymore. I don’t believe for a second he’s just now wondering what I want in my coffee.
“Lots of creamer and sugar. And do I see caramel syrup over there?” I stretch in my seat to eye the lineup of syrups for the hot chocolate bar.
“Sure is.” He spins around and busies himself.
I watch him. I want to discuss what he sees for us in the future, even if I’m afraid that he’s not ready for a relationship so soon after Shelby left.
Unlike Malcolm, I don’t want to do it with Carlie, Ava, and Gabriella looking on.
It will be torture to wait until after the game and the big dinner Law has planned for all of us.
“Ivy?” Malcolm pulls my attention away from where Chad’s pouring creamer quite generously into the large mug of coffee.
I turn back to Malcolm. “Yeah. Sorry.”
He scoots to the edge of his seat, getting closer. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the right relationships too,” he says. “About how I had the best one ever and I let it slip through my fingers.”
I blink in shock. What?
Okay, this is not about things not being awkward. Is Malcolm actually going here? Regret that we broke up? Second chances?
“I …” I don’t know what to say. “I know your mom put a lot of pressure on you when it came to who you eventually marry. I don’t blame you for that.”
He furrows his eyebrows. “My mom?” He sits up, understanding dawning. “You thought my mom disapproved?”
My turn to stare in confusion. “She … didn’t?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe?” He looks down at his feet. “Ivy, I couldn’t propose because I thought you dated Law in college, and I couldn’t get past it.”
My jaw drops. I hear at least one gasp from behind us. My gaze darts to Carlie. Law will not like Malcolm insinuating something like that to her. Our friendship almost ruined their relationship last spring.
But Carlie’s expression doesn’t hold surprise. Somehow she already knew this, and the way her lips are pressed together in disapproval as she glares at Malcolm says she knows it’s not true.
“Why would you ever believe that? Law and I—we were only ever friends. Never never more.” It’s possible I emphasize that more than I need to so Carlie knows for sure.
I mentally gag. I love Law—like a brother.
There’s a reason we never dated. The chemistry was never there.
Thinking about kissing him or something … again, mental gag.
And yet, it’s been something that many people couldn’t understand about our relationship. How we could be as close as we are but not have feelings for each other.
“If you had just asked …” I start.
Malcolm doesn’t look up from his feet. “I didn’t think I needed to. I thought I knew the truth. And then Law confronted me when I came to visit last summer and told me … I scoured both your socials for weeks, thinking he was protecting you or something …”
This doesn’t make it better. I narrow my eyes. “You couldn’t even believe Law?” He distrusted me that much—
I stop the thoughts.
His words are upending me, but I don’t need to go back there.
I’ve already grieved Malcolm’s loss and the loss of what I thought was the love of my life.
Grieved the love we shared that wasn’t enough.
I’ve spent pages and pages of journals exploring the feelings around Malcolm allowing his mom to dictate our happiness, on the red flags I’d finally seen in how despite how much we loved each other, he couldn’t commit because of her.
And all of it is still true in a way, but it’s Law that held him back? An assumption that wasn’t true.
Trust he could never give me.
Malcolm huffs. “I had to be right, Ivy. Don’t you see?
Because otherwise I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.
” He raises his gaze to spear me with an intense look that’s pained and regretful.
“I never stopped loving you, Ivy. I just thought I had to let you go. I’d give anything to fix that. ”
I can’t stop gaping at him. I spent three years of my life waiting for the moment that Malcolm would overcome his fears and see the amazing life we had in front of us. Waiting for him to come to this exact moment.
I blink and lift my eyes to meet Chad’s.
He’s staring openly too, but at me. His gaze is steady, sure, and grounding.
“Here’s your coffee,” he says, stepping away from the table, rounding the chairs and handing it to me, giving me the opportunity not to deal with the bomb that Malcolm dropped in my lap.
Then Chad stays by my chair. His attention goes to the field below, where the teams are lining up for the kickoff.
He doesn’t move.
Malcolm looks between us, eyes uncertain. He waits, maybe expecting Chad to walk away. He clears his throat.
I take a sip of the coffee and wait too.
The most telling thing to me right now is that my mind is calm with Chad standing near me. I don’t know what we are to each other right now. Whatever it is, it’s brand new.
But it’s already enough. I don’t need a romantic relationship with him to be happy. I am simply happy when I’m with him.
I can’t recall a single kiss with Malcolm right now that’s as memorable as the way Chad held me last night.
“Maybe we can talk later?” Malcolm finally says, when it’s clear Chad isn’t going anywhere—and that I’m not sending him away.
I tilt my head and trail my fingers softly through Zoey’s hair. “It’s okay, Malcolm. I think we’ve settled everything.”
He scoots forward again. I’m not sure how he’s still perched on the chair. “Ivy …” he pleads.
I offer him a gentle smile. “We’ve said what needs to be said. It’s time to let it rest.”
Malcolm stills and his expression falls. My heart breaks. I loved him. I don’t want to hurt him.
“Ivy?” Carlie asks, coming near, holding a drowsy Scarlett. She’s resting her chin on Carlie’s shoulder, her eyes looking heavy. “Do you think you can fit Scar in your lap too?”
I could kiss her for drawing attention away from the situation and giving Malcolm a way to retreat in peace. I’ll have to have a conversation with her later. She’ll want to know exactly why Chad is standing guard over me when last night I insisted he and I weren’t a possibility.
“Absolutely.” I gently shift Zoey a little more to my side and hold out my other arm. It will be a cozy fit, but I won’t complain.
Carlie leans over to put Scarlett on my other side.
She rests her head on my shoulder and gives a sigh.
Carlie strokes her hair gently and then moves to one of the stools at the front of the suite, leaning forward to watch as the Pumas’ offense takes the field for their first drive of the game.
When I turn my gaze to where Malcolm was sitting, he’s moved away, sitting in another stool at the front to watch the game.
Chad steps around my chair, pulling a small coffee table close.
He takes my coat from where it’s draped across the back of my chair and arranges it on the coffee table.
“Put your foot up,” he instructs, crouching to help me maneuver my wrapped ankle on top of my coat.
He slides his hand under my calf, and it sends a shiver through me.
We share a look as he moves to stand back up. Every time he looks at me with that steady gaze, eyes searching my face for assurances I’m ready to give him, it’s easy to lose track of time. We could be staring at each other for seconds or days, and I wouldn’t know the difference.
“Let me know if you need me to take one of the girls,” he says. His tone is easy, like we’ve discussed what to do with the girls a hundred times, like we already have a shorthand for how to care for them together.
He brushes a curl that’s escaped my messy bun away from my cheek.
His touch is light, but electric all the same.
If moving around on my dumb broken ankle wasn’t such a pain, and if there weren’t two sweet little girls asleep in my lap, I’d ask Chad to go for a walk and figure out exactly what’s going on.
The way he looks at me before he moves to the front of the box and takes a seat between Carlie and Ava says we both already know all the answers.
I smile to myself and fix my gaze on the big-screen TV in the room. I whisper a cheer when Law catches a pass and busts through two linebackers to get a first down.
Pretty sure this is my best Christmas ever.