Chapter 25
Ellyn
“The water’s perfect, Ellyn. Are you coming out?” Joel yells through the closed bedroom door.
It’s been about forty-five minutes since we arrived back at the house after our snowmobile ride. Neither one of us was hungry for food since we’d practically had dinner out in the woods, so we sat around the glass, wood-burning fireplace in the master bedroom, talking.
Somehow, I allowed that man to convince me to get changed into my bathing suit and climb into the hot tub that sits out on the house’s terrace.
Now, I stand in front of the full-length mirror in my black and white striped bikini, examining myself. I’ve brought two other bathing suits, both of them one piece. But I was feeling a little daring when I chose to put this one on.
Now, I can’t help but to stare at the evident stretch marks that line the sides of my breasts, just above the cup of my bikini’s top.
Then there’s the wrinkled skin and pudge of my lower abdomen, which will never go away no matter how many planks I do because that’s the area of my body that stretched to capacity to accommodate both of the babies I carried.
That reminder causes a proud grin to spread across my lips.
Just that quick, I snap out of the subtle body-shaming and remember my body for the miracle it is.
I turn and reach for my black cover up before sliding it over my shoulders and then slipping my feet into the slides I often wear when going to the pool or beach.
“Oh,” Joel says, startled when I pull our bedroom door open. He stands there wide eyed for a beat before he allows his gaze to sweep over the length of my body.
Though the cover up is slightly see through, I doubt he can see much given the twilight hour and the dim lighting in our room.
“The water’s warm enough,” he says, his voice taking on a gravelly tone. He reaches for my hand before bringing it to his lips.
“I can’t believe I allowed you to talk me into getting into this thing right now,” I gripe while still following him toward the back of the house where the terrace sits.
“It can’t be more than thirty degrees outside,” I continue. “Not to mention we’re surrounded by snow. We could catch hypothermia out here. Or worse, pneumonia.”
I know my words come across a bit much, but my nervousness probes me to continue nagging about something. Either that, or I’ll have to admit how completely out of place I feel.
Not out of place, but exactly in the right place. Which is what makes me feel so off-kilter.
“I’ll get in first,” is all he says as we reach the hot tub.
For the first time since he took my hand, I take my eyes off of his back and gaze at the scene around us. It’s absolutely spectacular.
Pink and orange hues decorate the sky as the sun sinks behind the snowcapped mountains in the distance.
But the show that steals my breath is when I break my gaze away from nature and look over at Joel, who’s just removed the V-neck he had on. The only thing he wears now is a pair of light blue swim trunks. They stop just above his knees.
I allow my eyes to trace the light hairs of his chest down to his abdomen in which muscles form the line of a six pack. My eyes travel farther south, and it’s hard not to acknowledge the obvious bulge in his swim trunks. My teeth sink into the skin of my bottom lip as I bite back a groan.
Slowly, I lift the coverall over my head, removing it and placing it on the bench by where we’ve left our slip-ons.
When I turn back to face Joel, his heavy-lidded gaze rests on me. Neither one of us says anything for almost a full minute.
Instead, Joel moves to the hot tub, stepping down into the water. Steam rises above the hot tub, creating a warm bubble around us, shielding our bodies from the cold Montana air.
“Ellyn?”
I blink and glance down at Joel’s outstretched hand. That must not have been the first time he called my name, I realize. I move closer, placing my hand into his, and allow him to guide me into the hot tub, one step at a time.
A laugh escapes me when he pulls my back flat against his chest. He brackets his strong arms around me, securing my body to his, and I sigh as I lay my head against his chest.
“This is amazing,” I say. “I never would’ve thought to put a hot tub here.” I peer up at his handsome face. “But this is perfect.”
He drops a kiss to my lips, leaving me slightly breathless.
“I thought Kenny was a fool when he suggested it when we were drawing up plans for this place. I told him he was batshit if he ever thought I would put money into a place with brutal winters and a hot tub.”
“How long before you ate those words?”
“About two days.” He chuckles. “‘Lonzo, Jodie and Micah’s oldest son, saw the plans and the hot tub and he got so excited.” Joel shakes his head, grinning at the memory. “He begged me to include it.”
“And by ‘beg’ you mean he didn’t even have to ask. You just relented,” I guess.
He looks down at me with narrowed eyes. “Were you there? I folded like the legs on a ten-minute old foal.”
I burst out laughing while Joel shakes his head in shame.
“Damn grandkids. Makes you say yes before they even ask.”
“So true,” I agree, shaking my own head. I turn to Joel, so that our bodies are front to front. “My oldest grandbaby is almost five, and all he has to do is say ‘grandma’ in that little voice and bat those long lashes and he can have anything he wants.”
“Damn bullies are what they are,” Joel gripes.
I grin, noting the love shining in his eyes.
After a few more minutes of Joel explaining how this place came to be, I lay my head against his shoulder.
“I was nervous to wear my bikini,” I confess before I think better of it.
Before he speaks, Joel slides a hand along the side of my body until he reaches beneath the water, extending his hand down to my thigh. The feel of his hand on my skin sends a chill coursing through me.
“Nervous that I’d rip it off of you the moment I saw it, right?” There doesn’t seem to be an ounce of laughter or joking in his tone.
I pull back and look up at him, my arms intertwined around his neck. “It took me a long time to reclaim myself after my divorce. I never hated my body, but the changes that come with having kids, forgetting to take care of myself, and regular aging does a number on even the most confident woman.”
Joel runs a hand over my cheek and pushes a stray hair behind my ear. “You didn’t forget,” he says above a whisper.
“Huh?”
“To care for yourself. You didn’t forget. You were never given the chance,” he tells me before kissing my forehead. “It wasn’t until you left that bum that you had room to focus on yourself.”
He pauses, his eyes meeting mine. There’s a blazing fire, hotter than the steam from the water we’re soaking in, there.
“I’m glad you finally left him,” he says. “Because if you were still married to that loser, I wouldn’t have been able to fall in love with you.”
“Love?” I ask, surprise evident in my tone.
“Yes, Ellyn. I’ve fallen in love with you,” he tells me. “For years, I believed I would never love again. Truthfully, I never believed I was worth it. I had my one great love, and I was lucky to even get that,” he continues.
“And then, somehow, after years of giving in to that belief, you moved in right next door.”
Smirking, he shakes his head.
“Then you went and argued with me over putting up Christmas ornaments.” He chuckles.
“Why was that funny?” I ask, laughing too.
“Because I swore I would never speak to you after that. Like, you were some evil grinch sent to ruin my neighborhood’s perfect streak of having every home decorated. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you from that moment on,” he confesses.
“Why did you believe you didn’t deserve love?” I need to know.
He hadn’t said it like he would never find love, but more so that he wasn’t worthy of even bothering to try. As if he wasn’t good enough.
Joel moves his gaze to stare off into the distance. A kaleidoscope of emotions flash through his hazel eyes. Not all of them can I interpret but within them are shame, fear, nostalgia and at last resignation.
“I told you a little about my parents.”
I nod.
“My father wasn’t just some asshole. He was a very rich asshole. I was the bastard son he kept hidden. My half-brothers were the golden boys of Williamsport growing up. I’m about a decade younger than Robert.”
I squint. “Robert Townsend?” I ask, putting the first name and Joel’s last name together.
He nods.
The name is familiar. He’s some business tycoon. I think my ex mentioned the company Townsend Industries at some point, or I possibly heard it while he tuned into one of the business channels he often watched.
“You’re connected to those Townsends?”
He tips his head in the affirmative as if he were wearing one of his cowboy hats.
“My brother didn’t find out about me until we were adults.
But my father kept me his secret, and when I was a teen I came to him, wanting validation.
He never owned up to me in public, but I worked for the darker side of his business. ”
I frown, not quite following.
Joel pushes out a breath, obviously having difficulty getting this out.
“I’m not proud of what I did for my father back then, but let’s just say that if any muscle was needed, he called on me. I used it as a means to take out my anger on the world, and what I thought was proving to my father that I was worthy of him claiming me publicly.”
At this point, Joel doesn’t have to spell it out. He aided his father’s illegal side of the business. One much bloodier and possibly deadlier than the legitimate corporation the family’s known for today.
“I was young when I met my wife, but had been bathed in blood for years by that point.”
“That’s why you pushed her away,” I interject.
“I didn’t want to taint her or my son with the blood on my hands,” he explains. “But when she left and cut off all contact with me, a piece of me died. Which was strange since I believed I was already dead inside.”
“You weren’t,” I say, stroking the side of his face.
“She was the one who brought me back from the dead. About a year after I married Gina, my father called on me again. She overheard and stopped me. Made me choose between her and Micah or my father.”
Joel’s eyes meet mine.
“I chose my family over the bastard that abandoned me.”
He turns his head and kisses the inside of my palm.
“Don’t get me wrong … while I cut ties with my father for years, I did what I had to do for my family. So, yeah, a little blackmail here and there to get the money to buy my father-in-law’s ranch when he got too sick to care for it himself, and to buy the ranch next door to expand my business.
“I’m not a saint, Ellyn, but every decision I’ve made since Gina gave me that ultimatum has been to protect my family.”
He pulls me tighter against his body with both arms.
“Which now includes you because I’m in love with you, Ellyn Chamberland.”
My heartbeat pounds in my ears as the words I love you whirl around in my mind. His confession has twisted up everything inside of me. I don’t even know if he’s aware how much of a hold he has over me.
“I love you, too.” I press a kiss to his lips before pulling back. “I’m not just saying it because you said it first,” I explain. “I-I’ve known it for weeks.”
He grins knowingly before kissing me into silence.
A contented sigh parts my lips, allowing entry for his tongue to taste me. This is the moment I realize why I held back. The reason that I hadn’t said the words.
I wanted to hear him say it first.
Not in a desire for a power imbalance in our relationship or anything of the sort.
But to be sure.
I needed Joel to be sure he wants me the way I want him.
“Now that we’ve established that,” Joel says after pulling back just enough that his lips graze mine as he speaks, “let me show you something in the bedroom.”
With that, he lifts me out of the hot tub, the same way he lifted me off of my bathroom floor.