Chapter 30
Ellyn
“We should wait until Aunt Meghan arrives tomorrow to do the tree,” I say while staring at the bare Christmas tree that now stands in the corner of my living room.
“Aww,” Randy whines, giving me that cutest, poutiest face.
Shanice, the kids, and I spent the morning going from store to store picking up Christmas decorations, stockings, and even secret gifts for one another.
After lunch, we did some of the decorating on my porch, but much of the lawn decorations that we purchased have yet to be put up.
Next, we proceeded inside and decorated the living and dining areas with some garland hanging from each of the entrances, replaced my coasters with Christmas candles and other decor for the holiday.
I even purchased a four and a half-foot artificial tree, which Shanice helped me assemble and spread the branches.
Shanice stoops to get eye level with Randy.
“I bet Auntie Meghan would be so happy and proud of you for being a patient little boy and waiting for her to come all of the way from New York that she’ll give you the biggest hug and kiss.”
“And presents?” Randy’s eyes light up.
I have to stifle a laugh.
“The love from your favorite aunt should be present enough,” Shanice says, sounding eerily familiar.
“But Grandma already has enough presents to fill a room for you and Charlotte,” I add.
“Really?”
“Mom,” Shanice scolds.
“I’m his grandma,” I defend. “It’s my job to spoil him rotten. But he only gets them if he’s patient and waits for Aunt Meghan to arrive.”
“Okay,” he agrees, sounding slightly less cheerful.
“How about some hot chocolate?” While Randy cheers, I look over at Shanice. “I should’ve asked if that was okay before dinner.”
“It’s fine. I’ll make it.”
I go to tell her that I can do it but am interrupted by her phone ringing. She looks at it and frowns before hitting ‘ignore’ and placing it face down on the coffee table. I don’t need to ask who it is from her reaction.
That’s been happening off and on all day.
“I’m not ready to talk to him yet,” she told me earlier after mentioning that she’d already sent Jake a text just to let him know that she and the kids were safe.
“I’ll make the hot chocolate,” she tells me. “You’ve done so much for us already.”
I watch her head to the kitchen before turning on Randy’s favorite educational YouTube channel. He instantly starts clapping and singing along with Ms. Rachel and her friends.
Even Charlotte begins to stir from her late afternoon nap in her playpen.
I start to go over to take her out but my phone rings. My stomach drops, thinking it might be my son-in-law trying to get in contact with me since Shanice won’t answer his calls.
It’s not.
“Rick?”
“What did you do?” he demands, making me jerk my head back.
It doesn’t take me long to recognize that this is not a conversation I want to have with my ex-husband in front of Shanice or my grandkids.
I look over my shoulder to assure myself that no one is paying me any attention, before I ease out of the doorway onto the porch.
“I beg your pardon?” I counter just as tersely.
“Beg all you’d like but that won’t change the fact that this is your fault,” he insists.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
There’s a beat of silence.
And I know for sure he’s been taken aback not only by my tone but from the four-letter word I’ve just thrown at him. I glance over to the neighboring house to my left, knowing where I got such language from.
“What’s gotten into you?” Rick asks as if speaking to a complete stranger.
Truth is, I might as well be. This is the first time I’ve spoken to my ex in almost two years.
“What is it that you’re calling me about?”
He grumbles something before replying, “This is about Shanice of course.” As if I should know.
“What about my daughter?”
“Why did you encourage Shanice to abandon her husband?”
My jaw almost hits the floor, and my eyes pop out of my head. “Excuse me?”
“I said—”
“No, I heard exactly what you said. Do you know what that man did to her? How he treated her? Now, you’re here blaming me for her saving herself by leaving?”
His reaction is preposterous.
“If it wasn’t for you putting notions of abandoning her family in her head, she wouldn’t have walked away and our son-in-law wouldn’t be calling me in tears days before Christmas begging for his family back!”
“Do you even hear yourself? You sound ridiculous.”
“I’m the only sane one in this conversation.
First you fly off the handle for God only knows what and divorce me.
Even after I was willing to take you back after your initial mental lapse of judgement.
But no, you decided to keep up the charade and follow through with it, and now look where it’s gotten us.
“Divorced and our oldest daughter—the most responsible one of the two of them—up and leaving her husband without a word.”
“Rick …” I trail off, refraining from telling him to go straight to hell.
“Did you ever stop to think and ask yourself why our oldest daughter, the one who is always the calmest, most accepting and agreeable, would upend her life and the lives of her children just days before Christmas?
“Did it ever occur to you, for once, to consider that the sweet, beautiful girl that we raised is actually a rational, loving wife and mother who would never carelessly rip her children from their father without a good reason?
“Did you?” I shout, without meaning to.
“Well, I-I—”
“Or have you once called her and told her how much you love her and care for her and that whatever it is she’s going through, you’ll be there for her because you’re her father and her safety and well-being always come first?
“Did you do that, you pompous son of a bitch?
“Or did you just call me to try to bully me into telling her to go home to a man who would put bruises on her wrist and endanger her physical health by sleeping with God knows who?
“And that’s not even to mention endangering her mental health and well-being!”
There’s a pause on the other end of the phone.
The only sound that can be heard is my heavy breathing. Anger pulses through me at his audacity.
“Do not ever, and I mean ever call my damn phone again with this bullshit or so help me, I will fly to Atlanta and put my fist through your face!”
With that I hang up the phone on my ex.
In a fit of anger, I shove my door open, not expecting Shanice to be standing right there.
She stands there with moisture in her eyes a second before she bursts into tears as she throws her arms around my neck, sobbing into my shoulder.
“It’s okay, baby,” I console, rubbing her back as her body trembles.
“It’s not okay,” she blubbers. “I’m s-s-so s-sorry.” Her breathing intensifies as she continually apologizes over and over.
Luckily, Randy and Charlotte remain too occupied by Ms. Rachel on the television to pay attention to Shanice and me.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I tell her.
She pulls back to look me in the face. “But I do. I blamed you for divorcing Daddy,” she cries. “I told you it was your fault and that you didn’t try hard enough. And-and-and …”
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” I say just above a whisper. “You don’t have to—”
“N-n-no, I need to tell you th-th-this.” She takes a beat to compose herself, wiping her red nose and drying her eyes with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
After a couple of minutes to gather herself, she starts talking.
“I thought I was mad at you for leaving Daddy. He told me you were the one pushing for it and that he loved you so much and never wanted a divorce.”
She sniffles.
“But th-th-then just days after telling me all of that, he was out with that woman.”
I suppose she’s referring to Rick’s former colleague, the one he dated not long after we separated.
“It wasn’t until after you moved to Texas that I realized I wasn’t angry. I was jealous.”
My eyebrows lift.
“I envied the fact that you no longer had to put up with a man who showed little regard for you. But I couldn’t say that out loud.
“What type of mother would that make me? What type of wife?”
I cup her face. “You would still be the sweet, caring woman you’ve always been.”
She nods while wiping away a tear.
I pull her into another hug.
“You don’t have to figure everything out right now, baby,” I promise her. “Let’s just enjoy Christmas together, okay?” I ask, using the words Joel told me that very morning.
Shanice nods into my shoulder. I release her from my embrace and wipe her tears away, noticing the tiredness in her eyes.
“Why don’t you go wash your face and lay down for a little while? Let Grandma handle the grandbabies.”
She gives me a small smile before leaning in to kiss my cheek.
“I love you, Mom. Thank you.”
My heart fills with happiness. It’s been a while since I’ve heard those three words from her. I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed them.
“I love you, too. Go.”
I give her a gentle push in the direction of the hallway toward the bathroom.