Chapter 4 Lisa #3
David, though? He was her golden boy. A rising star at his architecture firm back in Iowa.
He’d married what their mother had thought was the perfect woman.
They’d had two beautiful children. Whereas Lisa had gone to New York and then LA.
She’d gone after her dreams, and they’d come true.
Then, like the topping on a fancy New York cupcake, she’d found Rafael.
Rafael. Her mother didn’t think he was the perfect man for her.
But Lisa couldn’t care less about her opinion.
She knew Rafael was the love of her life, her soul mate.
He’d pieced her back together after tragedy.
He was the one who had shown her how Mom wanted to keep her small because she didn’t want Lisa to leave her.
But maybe it was that she was jealous. Lisa had a life so different from her mother’s. Maybe that was the problem.
“You’ve gotten it all,” Mom said. “You have everything I wanted. Money. Travel. Beauty. Even David. And now your dad. They’ve chosen you and your fancy life.”
“Their choices have nothing to do with me. They’re trying to find what they need and want.”
“And it’s clearly not me. Did you know Laine didn’t even know me? Those kids are going to grow up without even knowing what I did for all of you. How I’ve sacrificed.”
“What do you want, Mom? Without delving into everything you didn’t get, what do you want now?”
“What do I want?” Her needles slowed and then stopped. “I want a do-over.”
“What does that mean exactly? A trip to Paris?”
For the first time, her mother looked up at her. “What would I do in Paris?”
“You said you wanted to travel.”
“I didn’t say that,” Mom said.
“You did. Just now.”
“We never had the money or the time. It was always about you kids.”
“I have money now,” Lisa said. “I could rent an apartment in Paris for you. You could stay for a year and travel all over Europe. See all the art you wanted to see before you had us.”
Mom simply stared at her as if she had grown two heads.
“You’re free now,” Lisa said.
“You’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything to make you happy. I’ve just never been able to figure out how.”
“You’ve always been an overachiever. You got that from me. Making me happy has never been your job. That’s the part you never understood.”
“But you’ve always been so critical of me. I never do anything right in your eyes.”
“I’m not critical of you. I’ve dedicated my life to making you the best version of yourself that you can be.”
“It’s felt like criticism.”
Mom’s face crumpled as she reeled forward over her lap. She brought the knitted piece to her eyes, as if it were a handkerchief. Her shoulders shook. For a moment, Lisa thought she was crying, but soon discovered it was laughter.
What was so funny? Lisa stared at her in horror as the shaking turned to howling laughter.
Finally, her mother sobered. “I’m sorry.
It’s just that everything is so absurd. Why do you care what I think?
Half the world’s in love with you. Pepper and Maggie and David all adore you.
Rafael obviously worships you. Do you know your father brags about you and David to everyone?
It’s embarrassing, frankly. Everyone loves you and always has. Why on earth would my opinion matter?”
She didn’t answer for a moment, stunned. “I care because you’re my mother. I want your approval.”
“Well, you shouldn’t.”
They sat in silence. Lisa gazed into the flames of the gas fireplace. Mom resumed her knitting, but with a softer touch than before.
After a few minutes, Lisa looked over at her. “I can’t get married without you here. It’s wrong. I want you to see me in my dress.”
“I don’t have to see it to know how beautiful you’ll look. You were the most beautiful little girl and a stunning young woman. If you wore a gunnysack down the aisle, you’d still be the most gorgeous bride there ever was.”
“Mom.” Lisa wiped tears from her eyes. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve been…the way I am. I did my best.”
“David and I know how much you did for us. We truly do. You never gave up on me, even when I’d given up on myself.
You got me the medical help I needed.” Lisa pursed her lips, trying not to cry.
Even after fifteen years, her chest ached at the memory of her attempted suicide and subsequent treatment.
“My poor girl.” Mom’s eyes filled as she looked away.
“I’ve never felt so helpless.” Her voice caught, and she swallowed.
“When we almost lost you was the most terrifying moment of my life. I think that’s when I started to hang on too tightly.
I’ve always been like that. If something scares me, I hunker down.
My overprotectiveness came off as criticism.
I couldn’t bear to see you hurt. I’m still that way. Even if you don’t see it.”
She didn’t see it. Maybe she would, someday. Right now, she was still too raw. Too hurt. Still, this was her mother. She had to dig deep into her well of kindness and compassion. Her mother had done the best she could. She’d been there for them, cared for them, loved them.
“Mom, it’s time for you to do something for yourself. A third act. You can have the life you dreamed of. Study art in Paris if you want. Whatever it is, I’ll get it for you.”
Mom looked at the knitting in her lap and spoke softly. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Everything. I’ve blamed your father for the life I ended up with. Now that none of you need or want me, I’ll have only myself to blame if I’m unhappy.”
“Maybe it’s not happiness we’re supposed to seek, but joy.
” Lisa rubbed the diamond in her engagement ring and remembered Rafael’s face when he’d asked her to marry him.
She’d been so joyous in that moment. “Become a joy seeker. Do what you want, when you want. Let me do this for you. When you got me the help and medication I needed, you saved my life. You also helped me find acting, which has made my life. I want to repay you, and I’m lucky enough to be able to do so. ”
Her mother’s eyes shone as she stared into the fire. “Paris. A whole year in Paris.”
“Or longer. Maybe you’ll find a French boyfriend.”
“Lisa. For heaven’s sake, I’m way too old for a boyfriend. Plus, who would put up with me?”
Lisa couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Mom, just because you and Dad weren’t suited doesn’t mean you’re not suitable for someone else.
When I met Rafael and everything clicked, I realized that all the other relationships I had were so hard because they weren’t the right men.
Or man, I should say. With Rafael, it’s not hard.
Yes, we still have to work to communicate and learn what the other needs, but we want to put in the effort.
You and Dad tried. For our sakes, obviously.
It’s time for you to have a second chance. ”
“A second chance. A joy seeker. It has a nice ring to it.”
Lisa stood and held out her hand. “Come into the bedroom. I want you to look at my dress for tonight’s rehearsal dinner and help me decide how to do my hair.”
As her mother rose to her feet, a tentative but hopeful look crossed her face.
“Oh, and I almost forgot. I was able to get another person to do your hair and makeup.”
“Well, I should look my best. I’m the mother of the bride, after all.”
She tucked her arm through Mom’s. “A beautiful one, too.”
“Do you know how long it’s been since I felt anything close to pretty?”
“That’s a shame, Mom. I think we can do something about that. There’s a whole team of professionals at our disposal.”