Chapter 26 #2
‘It’s quite all right. This is what I do.
’ Elizabeth gave Heather a surprisingly maternal smile, and then turned to the six beefy, black-suited security guards that were now standing by the door.
‘Hey! I don’t pay you to stand there looking useless.
You four – get out there and clear the driveway.
The laird can tell you where to get equipment,’ she ordered.
‘Then I want all the cars absolutely spotless and free of snow. Ben, Christopher, you’re with me.
’ She swept off towards the study, with two of the burly men following her.
‘We find it best to do as she says.’ Estella, still dressed in her pyjamas, slippers and a fluffy jumper over the top, appeared from the nearby dining room.
‘When she’s in El Generalissimo mode, that is.
Come and have something to eat.’ She ushered them into the dining room, where there was a fire burning in the large stone fireplace, and Claire the housekeeper had laid out a feast of a breakfast: kippers, fried potatoes, kedgeree, crusty bread, fried eggs and a vat of creamy porridge.
Gold and red garlands hung from the ceiling, and a woman with a sultry voice sang Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree for me on the castle’s sound system.
‘I am actually quite hungry,’ Heather admitted, as she sat down at the dining table.
‘Happy wedding day, Heather.’ Estella poured some hot coffee into a mug for her and placed it in front of her. Heather stirred in two sugars, distractedly. ‘And, Happy Christmas! I’m sure it’s going to be a lovely day.’
Is it? Or is it going to be an absolute disaster? Heather worried, as she sipped her coffee, watching the snow outside, which continued to fall.
‘Hold still, Heather. You’re wriggling,’ Violet muttered as she pinned a long hank of Heather’s thick blonde hair around a large curler. ‘If we don’t get all of these done quickly, they won’t have time to dry.’
‘I thought you were going to use that special setting spray?’ Heather looked in the mirror at her twin, who had her tongue between her teeth and held a hairbrush and a comb between the fingers of one hand.
‘I am! Don’t stress. It’s supposed to be amazing.’ Violet held up a spray bottle. ‘Natural curls, all day hold,’ she read aloud. ‘Strength and softness where you need it most. Sounds like the ideal man, eh.’
‘I wouldn’t know.’ Primrose made a face. ‘Never saw the appeal. No offence, Heather.’
‘None taken. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian,’ Heather chuckled.
‘Statistically, we are having the most orgasms.’ Primrose was eating a mince pie and had her feet up on the vintage pink hamper at the end of Heather’s bed. ‘However, women are still humans. There can still be bullshit.’
‘How disappointing. I thought we were the good ones.’ Violet sighed.
‘Oh, don’t get me wrong. Women’s bullshit is still very low on the overall bullshit-o-meter.’ Primrose laughed. ‘The emotional maturity is, in general, at a much higher level. Still, I’ve been ghosted recently. That wasn’t an optimal experience.’
‘Sorry, Primmy.’ Bluebell had been taking pictures of the sisters getting ready, but she stopped and hugged her sister. ‘Who wouldn’t want you? You’re the coolest.’
‘Aww. Thanks, Blue.’ Primrose hugged her sister back.
‘My god. I can’t imagine what it must be like to ask someone to do something and have them… actually do it.’ Blossom sat at the dressing table next to Heather, doing her own make-up. ‘What bliss that must be. Maybe I’ll get on one of those apps for women.’
‘You know that you do actually have to do the sexy stuff with a girl, though, right?’ Primrose raised an eyebrow. ‘You can’t just be in it for the shared housework.’
‘Pah. I guess.’ Blossom sighed. ‘I’d be willing to try, though.’
‘How are things with Tom?’ Catriona asked, opening a bottle of champagne. ‘Is he behaving himself?’
The cork popped, and Catriona poured seven small glasses, handing them to her daughters.
On a table in the middle of the room there was a whole feast of snacks: as well as the champagne and mince pies – handmade by Claire – there were cheese straws, a large stack of toasted sandwiches cut into star shapes, a stack of thick slices of fruit cake, and a large plate of cinnamon cookies.
‘I don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay.’ Blossom shook her head. ‘This is Heather’s day.’
‘Right… well, you know I’m always here to listen.’ Catriona frowned.
‘I know, Mum.’ Blossom was sticking on some fake eyelashes. ‘For today, I just want to have a lovely time.’
‘Well, you look gorgeous,’ Violet said. ‘He’s a bloody idiot.’
‘Okay. Let’s have a toast, then.’ Catriona raised her glass. ‘To Heather Balhennie: the most beautiful bride. Here’s to a lovely wedding day, and a wonderful life ahead.’
‘Cheers! Slainte Mhath!’ The sisters clinked their glasses.
‘Has Tom got the children now?’ Primrose asked, sipping her champagne.
‘No, Tam’s keeping them busy with Dad,’ Sorrel said. ‘He said he’d take them out in the snow to build snowmen.’
‘Aww. That’s lovely. Thanks, Sorrel.’ Blossom looked sad. ‘You’d think it would occur to Tom to do that, though. As their actual father.’
‘Well, Tam doesn’t mind.’ Sorrel looked slightly awkward. ‘He’s good with little ones.’
‘Do you think you’ll have any babies, Sorrel?’ Bluebell asked.
‘Oh, I don’t know. It’s very early days.’ Sorrel blushed a little, but she looked happy at the thought. ‘It would be nice, but we haven’t planned to. We’re just enjoying things as they are, for now.’
‘You’d make such a good mum.’ Catriona beamed.
‘As would you, Heather. And all of you, if that was what you chose to do. Of course, having a family isn’t the only option open to women any more.
’ She held up a finger. ‘I want you all to know that it isn’t an expectation.
All your father and I want is for you to be happy.
’ Tears welled in Catriona’s eyes. ‘Sorry, girls. I just get so emotional these days. It’s not a bad thing, but…
’ She shrugged. ‘I’m still getting used to letting my emotions out rather than pretending they don’t exist. And today is a very emotional day. ’
‘Someone give her a hug,’ Violet chuckled. ‘I’ve got these curlers to set, and then I’ve got to do Heather’s make-up.’
Bluebell hugged her mother.
‘Come on, Mum. Have a bit of champagne,’ she suggested. ‘You’re going to be fine. It’s going to be such a lovely day.’
‘I don’t think we should go too mad on the champagne before the ceremony.’ Heather took her glass and sipped a little. ‘We don’t want to turn up tipsy.’
‘Heather, please chill. One bottle only makes a small glass each for seven people.’ Violet rolled her eyes. ‘We can open another one and it’s still one glass each. Here. Have some snacks. You get grumpy when you’re hungry.’ Violet handed her the bowl of cheese straws.
‘Okay. I mean, you can go crazy after the ceremony if you want.’ Heather bit into a deliciously buttery, cheesy pastry straw. ‘Well. After we’ve done the photos.’
‘Question: are we doing the photos in the snow?’ Primrose asked.
‘And follow-up question: if we are doing photos in the snow, can I wear my coat and some appropriate footwear? In fact, can I just wear trainers under this dress anyway? I hate these kitten heels.’ She picked them up and dangled them with a suspicious look on her face.
‘No, you cannot wear trainers!’ Heather glared at her sister.
‘Nobody’s going to look at my feet, for god’s sake,’ Primrose grumbled.
‘Well, they will, if you’re wearing an elegant bridesmaid’s dress and Nike Air Maxes. So, no,’ Heather retorted.
‘They’re Under Armour, actually. But sure. It’s your day.’ Primrose sighed. ‘I’ll just suffer in silence.’
‘I feel like I can still hear you.’ Violet shot Primrose a stern look.
‘Jeez. Okay, zipped.’ Primrose mimed zipping her lips. ‘But I reserve the right to put trainers on for the ceilidh. Which I would advise all of you to do, actually. A ceilidh in kitten heels is a sure-fire way to find yourself in A&E.’
‘I will take that risk,’ Heather laughed. ‘But I permit trainers for the ceilidh.’
‘Ah, you girls,’ Catriona said mistily. ‘I do love you all so much.’
‘We love you too, Mum.’ Sorrel popped open the second bottle of champagne and topped up everyone’s glasses. ‘This time, I think we should toast you. To Catriona Balhennie: Queen and Mother of the Bride!’ she exclaimed. ‘Come on, everyone. Let’s do this properly.’
The sisters gathered in a circle around Catriona and raised their glasses.
‘Catriona Balhennie, Queen!’