Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
The next few days passed painfully, awkwardly, politely. Alexander carried on being incredibly nice and courteous, but distant, and Theo veered between affection and avoidance. Each time I noticed him deliberately pulling away from me, my heart cracked a little more; maybe at some point it would be shattered. The headache had taken twenty-four hours to pass, making me feel drained and dizzy and giving me the perfect excuse not to stay up late. I was deeply relieved to have Sam there, who was such a familiar and comforting face and who was taking on the brunt of organising the party and, more importantly, liaising with Mum over it. Her sudden fancies and exacting requirements didn’t faze him in the least, and he simply reported back to me every day with what had finally been decided, and how many people had accepted the invitation that day. Alexander had been fairly quiet on the subject of sourcing the wine, so I assumed that was going well. I had managed to scare up a band that I was deeply unsure of, but that Meg at the café in the village promised me would be a hit.
By the morning of the party, I was feeling better, although the nagging feelings of missing Alexander and doubting my decision refused to go away. But I needed to push them down and get on with things, even if this would be the last time I would see Alexander before our parents’ wedding. I was still planning to go back to London the next day. Today was a day for focus, for leaning into the work that had been both my saviour and my destroyer over the years. Everyone was at breakfast, and there was a fizz of festivity in the air.
‘Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do?’ asked Constance. ‘I’ve finally tamed the hydra that is my book, so I’d be glad to help.’
‘Have you cut off all nine heads?’ asked Theo, who had recently developed an enthusiastic interest in Greek mythology, even though his fascination with birds of prey showed no signs of wavering.
‘Eight, I reckon,’ said Constance. ‘But the ninth can wait.’
‘In that case,’ said Alexander, ‘could you take Theo up to the sanctuary today? I think we’ll all be needed here for the final preparations, is that right, Fallon?’
I jumped slightly and blushed when he said my name, but managed to stammer out:
‘Yes, yes, please. And Theo, I have a job for you too. Would you mind taking full charge of Runcible today? I know she’ll be safe with you, and far better off than being here with strangers coming in and out all day.’
He beamed with pride.
‘I’d love to, thank you. I promise I’ll look after her.’
‘What are you two doing?’ asked Constance, addressing Mum and Douglas. ‘I assume you won’t be heaving chairs around here?’
Mum smiled graciously.
‘No. Fallon has kindly suggested that we take a relaxing day off so that we can enjoy the evening.’ I grinned surreptitiously at Sam, whose idea this had been. None of us needed Mum there as we prepared the party. ‘We’ll be back in time to get ready. In fact, darling, I was hoping we could do that together, in your room?’
I didn’t look up as she said this, assuming she was talking to someone else, but Constance gave me a dig in the ribs and nodded across the table at Mum.
‘Oh, me? You want to get ready with me? Er, yes, all right, that would be, er…nice.’
She raised one eyebrow a fraction, then smiled.
‘Good.’
Was that it? No dig, no insult, no suggestion that she wanted to get ready with me only to make sure I didn’t let the side down? Maybe she was a changed character.
‘The party will go beautifully,’ said Estelle, ‘but I think that Coco and I had better clear breakfast, if you’ve all finished, as we need to get started. Our first delivery has already arrived.’
We all jumped up to help – well, most of us jumped up to help – and the bustle of the day started.
By half past five, with the guests due to start arriving at seven, Alexander, Sam and I stood back and looked at the Great Hall.
‘It looks stunning,’ I said, with satisfaction. ‘I have to admit that when this whole idea was mooted, I thought we’d be lucky to manage a few packets of peanuts, some tinsel and a Christmas CD.’
Alexander laughed.
‘Well, that’s all I would ever have come up with. You two are a complete powerhouse – I can see why you’re so successful.’
He smiled warmly at me, and I smiled back. Much of the awkwardness of the past few days had fallen away that day as we worked, and I could feel my resolve crumbling, only for that insistent inner voice to pipe up that it was work that had cheered me up, and nothing had changed.
‘They’ll love it,’ said Sam, putting his arm around my shoulder and giving me a squeeze.
I believed that they would. We had decided to feature the Christmas tree, and have a golden theme, giving a nod to Douglas’s precious Bond movies, with heart decorations liberally sprinkled throughout to emphasise that it was an engagement party. Huge swags of fir, cypress, holly and ivy hung from the walls and above the fireplace, and we had placed a mixture of around two hundred real and battery-operated candles around the room. A specialist company had come and strung up thousands of soft gold fairy lights, the staff clambering nimbly up huge ladders to attach them to the ancient walls. The fire had been lit and blazed away merrily. Massive bunches of mistletoe were suspended from every doorway, as well as at various points around the room, waiting to catch unsuspecting couples, or maybe couples-to-be. The family’s furniture had been heaved away to the sides of the room and small, high tables stood everywhere, draped in subtly sparkly gold fabric. Each table also bore candles and small vases of evergreen sprays hung with tiny gilded wooden hearts. A large table covered in a crisp white cloth stood to one side half full of sparkling glassware, with the other half soon to be laden with bottles of chilled champagne and other drinks. Up in the minstrels’ gallery, the band I had hired had set up their things and were due back half an hour before the party started.
‘They look awfully young,’ I had whispered to Sam, when we had greeted them and were watching them lug their speakers and instruments up the small wooden staircase.
‘They’re practically toddlers,’ he had replied, stifling a giggle, ‘but their videos online were great, and all the reviews were so glowing. It’ll be fine.’
Delicious smells had been wafting out of the kitchen all day, but Estelle and Coco had fiercely guarded their domain, only emerging to furnish us with overflowing doorstep sandwiches and warm Fat Rascals to fuel us for more work.
‘Right,’ I said, pulling my eyes away from the twinkling, inviting room. ‘Mum and Douglas will be back soon, and we don’t want them to see any of this. I’ll go and wait for them.’
I had only just put my head around the big front door to check when their car came crunching up the drive. I ushered them indoors and straight up the stairs, leaving Sam and Alexander to rush around with some more decorations for the entrance hall and the front of the house.
‘It looked a bit plain downstairs, darling,’ said Mum, shrugging off the coat I hadn’t given her time to remove downstairs. ‘Are you sure everything will be ready?’
‘It will be perfect,’ said Douglas, taking the coat. ‘I have every faith in these two. Now, you two go and get ready and I will see you, my beloved, later.’
I averted my eyes while they kissed passionately goodbye for the hour or so they would be apart, then led Mum to my room where she had earlier left everything that she would need.
‘Would you like to use the bathroom first?’ I asked, perching on the side of the bed.
‘Thank you, darling, I will have a shower,’ she said, collecting up some bottles and a sponge bag. ‘I won’t be long.’
With a sigh of relief, and suspecting that ‘not long’ could be up to half an hour, I lay back on my bed and grabbed my phone to watch some mindless TV while I waited. But it hadn’t been five minutes before there was a little knock on the door, and I raised my unwilling eyes from the screen. Hopefully, this wasn’t going to be problems with the party.
‘Come in.’
The door opened a tiny bit and in trotted Runcible. I jumped off the bed and scooped her up for a cuddle, pulling the door wider at the same time.
‘Theo! Thank you so much for looking after her. Have you had a good day?’
‘Really good!’ he said, his eyes shining. ‘We’re planning our own Christmas party at the sanctuary with edible stockings for all the birds and animals, and then Constance took me to Bettys tea rooms to celebrate nearly finishing her book and I had three cakes.’
‘Sounds amazing! What did you do with Runcible when you were there? I didn’t think they allowed dogs in.’
‘They don’t, unless they’re assistance dogs, but Constance put Runcible in her bag and told them she was her therapy dog. She looked so sweet with her nose poking out that nobody minded. She had a lovely time.’
‘I bet she did. I’m so grateful to you for being such a good doggy-sitter.’
Theo flung his arms tightly around my waist in the sudden way that he had, and mumbled, ‘I’m going to miss her when you’re gone.’
A lump formed in my throat, and I hugged him back, whispering, ‘She’s going to miss you, too, Theo. Very much.’
‘Does she have to go?’
‘I – I don’t know.’
He pulled away slightly and looked up at me with a tearstained face.
‘Really? Might you really not go, Fallon? I know Daddy doesn’t want you to, and neither do I.’
I have never been so glad in my life to hear my mother’s acid tones breaking in.
‘Darling, have you made no attempt to get ready while I’ve been in the shower?’
We both turned to her, then glanced at each other with suppressed grins. She looked magnificent but ridiculous in a cream silk robe, her hair swathed in some sort of plastic cap to protect her blow dry, and her face smeared generously with purple cream.
‘Sorry, Mum,’ I managed to get out. ‘I’ll hop in the shower now. Thanks again for looking after Runcible,’ I added to Theo. ‘I’ll see you at the party later.’
He nodded and left, and I scuttled down to the bathroom before Mum could offer me any of her beautifying concoctions to try.
When I emerged, she was looking much better with the goop and the plastic cap gone, sitting in front of the mirror applying foundation with an expert hand.
‘What are you wearing tonight?’ she asked. ‘I know it wasn’t much notice and I wasn’t sure you’d brought anything suitable. Maybe the dress you had for the Bond party?’
‘Actually, I picked something up when I was in London,’ I said, taking the long bag out of the wardrobe and unzipping it. ‘The amazing woman who we rent dresses from sorted it out for me with about ten minutes’ notice. I had to carry it all round the Nativity, but I think it was worth it.’ A little flutter of excitement rippled through me as I pulled the dress out of the bag: Marcella had outdone herself, and surely even Mum couldn’t find fault with this. It was a floor-length dress with a fishtail hem that pooled around my feet and a deep V-neck, and it was covered with gold sequins. It wasn’t very ‘me’ and it wasn’t remotely subtle, but it was showstopping, and I hoped Mum would be pleased, hoped that I had finally got it right. I wasn’t disappointed.
‘ Darling ,’ she breathed, standing up and coming over to feel the fabric and the weight of the dress. ‘It’s stunning and you will look wonderful in it. Oh, thank you, thank you for making such an effort for my party. You are happy for me, aren’t you?’
An unprecedented look of vulnerability crossed her face, and I gave her a hug as sudden as one of Theo’s.
‘Very,’ I said. ‘Douglas is perfect for you and you’re so happy. I’m thrilled for you both.’
She hugged me back, before returning to business.
‘Now, what shoes are you going to wear with it, show me. And I have the most marvellous eyeshadow you must use. Oh, come here, let me do it for you, it’ll be quicker.’
All Mum’s years in the entertainment industry had taught her a thing or two about make-up, and as she stroked the products skilfully onto my face, I couldn’t understand why she didn’t do this on social media, instead of all the ‘wellness’ that she favoured. I was sure people would welcome her expert tips, but maybe she didn’t want to reveal the secrets behind the magic? I began to relax as she worked – maybe it was time to try and build our relationship up a little? I was finally beginning to feel that I could leave the past in the past. Something similar was clearly on her mind too.
‘Fallon, being with Douglas, and having you here has given me cause for some reflection. I do know that I wasn’t always the best mother when you were young, and I regret that. But you do understand, don’t you, that I cannot regret the pursuit of my career?’
I nodded, feeling an odd surge of adrenaline at this unexpected turn of events.
‘But what I do realise is that I failed to find a balance, when I could have done, I think. And, well, the thing is…’
My eyes met hers in the mirror and didn’t break away. We were drinking each other in as if meeting for the first time.
‘The thing is that I was hoping it wasn’t too late to regain it, maybe, with you? A balance. Of some sort. I’d like that.’
I turned around and met her eyes with no mirror in between.
‘I’d like that too,’ I said quietly. ‘Very much.’
‘Not too much water under the bridge?’
‘No. And if you can make mince pies, then we can do a little thing like this, right?’
She smiled a smile of pure relief and how could I do anything but smile back?
‘I’m so glad, Fallon. Thank you. And won’t you think about staying for Christmas? I’d like to spend it with you.’
I turned back to the mirror and this time gazed into my own troubled eyes.
‘I don’t know, Mum. I want to, but…I just don’t know. Do you mind if we don’t talk about it tonight?’
It must have taken her a superhuman effort, but she didn’t argue.
‘I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. Now, what about lipstick? Or maybe a gloss?’
I submitted once again to her attentions and tried hard not to think about what the right thing might be. I had no idea.