CHAPTER THREE
JAMES
I wake to weak sunlight streaming through the hotel curtains and the warm weight of a woman in my arms. For a moment, I just lie here, comfortable and content in a way I haven't been in years.
The sheets are soft, the room quiet except for the gentle sound of breathing, and there's a peace I'd forgotten existed.
Holly.
I look down at the woman curled against my side.
Her hand rests on my chest, and her riot of blonde curls spreads out like golden treasure on the pillow.
In sleep, she looks peaceful, her face relaxed and soft.
Her pink lips are slightly parted, and I can feel her breath warm against my skin.
Something in my chest tightens at the sight, an unfamiliar ache that's part tenderness, part terror.
Last night was incredible. Unexpected, impulsive, and completely unlike me. Despite the condom in my luggage, I don't do one-night stands, and I sure as hell don’t pick up random women in hotel bars. I’m lucky the darn thing was even still in date. Not that I checked it, but I’m sure it was.
Either way, last night was completely out of character for me.
I'm forty-five and a cardiologist with a carefully structured life. A life I’m happy with.
But something about Holly bypassed every rational thought in my head and left me acting on pure instinct.
It was her red blazer that first drew my eye and had me taking the stool one away from her.
It was bright and cheerful and so unexpectedly festive that I couldn’t help wanting a closer look.
Then she turned and looked at me, and I was a goner.
Large green eyes that held such warmth that I could have stared into them for hours.
Her curly blonde hair fit her perfectly, as did the dimples in her cheeks when she smiled. And she did a lot of smiling.
Come to think of it, so did I.
Before I knew it, we were chatting and then in my room.
The sex was amazing. Her long legs wrapped around me, the throaty little whimpers and noises she made, and how her wet pussy wrapped around my cock like it was made for me.
It’s amazing my head didn’t explode after that intense orgasm. But it's more than that.
So much more. There was a clear connection between us, something I had never felt before. Even with my ex-wife.
And now, in the cold light of morning, I have to face reality.
I've been married, been divorced, and I've made peace with the fact that I'm better off alone.
I have my career, my routine, and my life carefully constructed to avoid the kind of emotional chaos that marked the end of my marriage.
I've dated occasionally over the past five years, extremely brief relationships that never went anywhere because I made it clear from the start I wasn't interested in serious commitment.
Despite last night, Holly is a commitment type of woman. She deserves a man who will cherish her for the bright light she is. Someone who can give her commitment, a future, and promises that I’ve learned not to make because I can’t fulfill them.
She stirs against me, making a soft sound, and reflexively my arm tightens around her.
My chest expands and I fight back emotions I don’t want to put a name to.
I like holding her and the way she fits against me. Even more, I like how I feel holding her.
But that doesn't change the facts.
I can’t give her what she deserves. I’ll let her down gently, making it clear that while incredible, this was just a great onetime thing. It’s better to be honest now than let her think there might be a future for us.
Maybe I’m completely blowing this out of proportion.
Perhaps I’m projecting things onto her that I subconsciously want.
Before I can delve more deeply into that, Holly's eyes flutter open, green and warm with sleepy contentment, and she smiles up at me. The smile lights her up from within, and once more I’m struck by just how bright she is.
“Morning,” she says in a soft voice that makes my chest tighten up.
“Good morning.” I brush a few curls away from her face, telling myself that the tremor in my fingers means nothing. Her hair is incredibly soft, slipping through my fingers like satin.
She stretches, her entire body arching and making her breasts bounce in a way that makes me want to pull her under me again and drive my cock so damn deep inside I can’t tell where I end and she begins.
The sheet slips down, revealing a bit of pink nipples, and I force myself to look away.
“That was quite a night,” she says with a grin.
“It was.” I sit up, regretfully put some distance between us, and reach for my phone on the nightstand.
Seven twenty-eight. I’m shocked to see that I actually slept in a little this morning and even more I completely forgot about setting an alarm last night.
I have rounds at the hospital at nine, plenty of time to send Holly off, get a shower, and grab breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. “Holly, we should talk.”
Understanding dawns on her face, and for a brief moment, I want to take it back. I feel like I just told a kid there is no Santa Claus. Her beautiful smile falters, and in a blink, something guarded slides into her eyes, the brightness dimming like a lamp turned down. “Oh. Okay.”
The coolness in her tone is like a punch to the gut, but I push forward because this needs to be done.
“Last night was amazing,” I say carefully, choosing my words with the same precision I use when delivering difficult news to patients.
“You're incredible. But I think we should be honest about what this was.”
“Just a one-night stand.” Her voice is steady but lacks the warmth from last night. I can hear the disappointment underneath that she's trying to hide.
“Yes.” I hate the way that word tastes, bitter like medicine and just as hard to swallow. “I'm not looking for a relationship, and I don't want to mislead you.”
Holly sits up, pulling the sheet around herself and hiding her gorgeous body from my view.
Her shoulders are tense now, and her jaw tight.
I catch a glimpse of hurt in her green eyes before she masks it with a bright smile.
The same smile she gave me last night, but this one doesn't reach her eyes and I can not only see the difference but feel it.
Suddenly, despite being right next to each other, it feels like there is a distance the span of the Grand Canyon between us.
And it hits me that I’d give anything to be on the other side of the gap, right there with her, instead of where I am now.
But before I can say anything, she slips out of bed. “Of course. I understand.” She begins gathering her scattered clothes, holding them up against her nude body like a shield. “We’re both adults. No promises made, right?”
It’s a rhetorical question, but I answer anyway.
“Right.” But watching her get dressed, it feels wrong.
And I think again that I’m making a huge mistake.
Somewhere inside me, a voice is screaming at me to get up and do something.
Yet the fear of that something keeps me right where I am, sitting in a bed that smells of sex and us.
Holly pulls on her skirt and black sleeveless shirt, not looking at me.
She stands up straighter, to her full amazing height that left me speechless and a tad giddy last night, as she dons her blazer and shoves her panties and bra into the pocket.
“Well, it was fun. Thanks for the drink and...” She gestures vaguely at the bed, her smile bright and obviously fake.
Something inside me cracks open, a pain piercing my chest that feels oddly physical. “Holly...”
“It's fine, really.” She grabs her shoes and balances on first one long, shapely leg, then the other as she slips them on. “I should get going, anyway. Saturday is a big day at the shop. Christmas rush and all.”
She's lying. Somehow I know she is. But I don't call her on it.
“Take care, James.”
And then she's gone, the door clicking shut behind her with finality. The sound echoes in the suddenly empty room.