CHAPTER TWO #3
Jackson looks over at me. “I was gonna go over to Linnea and Jonah’s.
Thought you might like to go so you can pick Linnea’s brain about your parents’ legal names.
You don’t have to—” I interrupt Jackson.
“I would like that, thank you.” He gives me a smile.
“Let me grab my keys and tell my Anna we’re going.
I’ll meet you outside.” I go grab a sweater that Hanna gave me and hurry outside to wait by his truck.
A couple of minutes later, he comes out with a plastic bag in his hand.
“Anna’s got some dishes to return to Linnea.
I swear I can never leave the house without something.
” He shakes his head but has a smile on his face, telling me he really doesn’t mind.
We get into his truck, he starts it, and pulls out of the driveway. I don’t know the way, but I know they live about ten minutes apart.
We’re a couple of minutes into the drive when Jackson speaks up.
“You know I’m the last in my family. I have my cousin, Wyatt, and of course, Anna, our kids, and Daisy, but I don’t have my parents or my brother.
It’s something that I think hits differently if you’ve never experienced it.
Anna has, in a way. Not because her family is no longer living, but because the day she agreed to marry us, her parents disowned her.
Mary’s father was in college the last time Anna knew of his whereabouts.
I’m sure her parents are long gone, but she has no confirmation.
It’s like there’s no one else on the planet who knows all your history, everything that’s made you, well, you.
Am I right?” I nod and try to find the words.
“I mean, my mama’s been gone a long time, and my father was never a dad like you are.
I wish he were dead like Mary’s. He’s not a good man at all, and to me, he’s dead.
I had hoped that I could still be in contact with my siblings, but my sister escaped so many years ago.
I can’t even begin to guess where she is, and my brothers…
well, one passed a few years ago, and the other believes the lies Joseph told.
He’s still up there following Father’s lead.
You’re right. I mean, Mary knows a lot, but still not everything I experienced growing up in that house.
No one else will ever really know or understand.
Even if I ever found my sister, she’s been gone so long and didn’t have to live with Father for very long without Mama.
It’s like there are moments…” I don’t know the words I’m looking for, but Jackson speaks up.
“It’s like you’re in a room full of people, great people, hell, people you know care about you…
and yet… you feel like no one sees you because no one knows everything about you. ”
“That’s exactly it! Does it ever go away?
” He moves his hand back and forth. “It doesn’t ever completely go away, but it diminishes a shit ton.
I mean, it’s been decades for me, and I can go weeks, hell, months, without feeling it, but every once in a while it sneaks up on me.
When it does, I remind myself that I’ve got a family and life that’s so much better than I would’ve had if I were still surrounded by them.
Yes, my mom was good, but she had faults, like staying with my drunk father when she could’ve gotten us away from him.
” He glances over at me briefly before continuing.
“I know I don’t know everything, but I’m thinking that is probably similar to your situation.
But like me, you’re not alone now. If you couldn’t tell, my Anna has adopted you and Mary, which means you’re officially part of our family.
If that’s not enough, I know both Linnea and Erik will have a special spot in their hearts for you, having been up that mountain themselves.
Especially Linnea. She’s got a heart of gold that one.
” He turns and pulls onto the street that I recognize as where Ma and Pa live.
Jackson sighs. “I guess what I’m saying is I get that you might feel alone, especially because Mary is related by blood to Anna, but blood doesn’t make family, at least not in ours.
” I nod at Jackson because I don’t know what to say, and also because I see Pa sitting on the porch watching us.
“Well, howdy you two. To what do we owe this visit?”
Jackson answers him. “I wanted to talk to you about somethin’, and Christy here wanted to pick Linnea’s brain about maybe figuring out her actual last name.
” Pa nods and looks at me. “Go on inside, sweetheart. She’s right inside.
” I move to go into the house, and the last thing I hear outside is Pa.
“Jackson, sit your ass down and start talkin’. ”
Ma looks up as I close the door. “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise?
To what do I owe this visit?” I feel totally awkward, but I know I just need to get it out.
“Um…Jackson thought we could talk, and you might remember my parents and maybe their last name? Mama passed away so long ago I don’t remember, and Father is dead to me, so I’m never going to go see him to ask him. ”
Ma’s face becomes angry. “Hell no, you’re not going up there again.
Knowing the men up there, he wouldn’t give you the information you need, and he for sure as hell does not deserve to be in your company a minute longer.
Come, child. Come have a seat, I’ll get us some tea, and we can talk.
I’m not sure how much help I can be, but I’m more than happy to try and see what I can remember.
” Ma puts the kettle on and gets our tea ready.
I walk over to the table, tripping over my feet but catching myself before I crash into the table.
I wait for Ma to comment on my klutziness.
Yes, that’s the best word for it, but she doesn’t say anything.
A few minutes later, she sets a plate of cookies on the table and pours some hot water into each mug with a tea bag. She sits down and looks at me with warm eyes. “Okay, so tell me about your parents. I tried not to get close to anyone up there, but maybe something will click in my memory.”
We talk about my mama for a while, but nothing clicks for Ma.
It’s not surprising because my mama was a few years younger and only arrived up the mountain a couple of months before everything happened with Ma.
She looks at me and sighs. “Well, tell me about the fucking asshole that’s your father.
” Tea shoots out of my nose at the same time a laugh comes out of my mouth.
Ma pats my back, looking concerned, but I shake my head at her.
Once I wipe my nose and get myself together, I smile at her.
“I’ve never heard an adult call my father that.
You’re totally right. It just surprised me.
” Ma scoffs. “I’ve never met a man who followed Joseph to be anything other than a fucking bastard of an asshole who deserves nothing less than an eternity with Hel. ” She’s not wrong at all.
“My father…he is an asshole. I was a disappointment to him from the moment I learned to walk and started tripping over my own two feet. Add in that I could never hold my tongue, and to him, I became a waste because Joseph didn’t like me.
My father…he’s evil, but he didn’t do to me what Mary’s father—.
” Ma stops me by putting her hand over me.
“There are all kinds of abuse, just like there are all kinds of assholes. They’re all wrong.
” I only nod because tears threaten to fall.
Ma leans back in her chair. “Pa and I were foster parents for dozens of kids over the years. Some for just a few nights, some for weeks or months, some for years, and some we were lucky enough to adopt. Every single child that came through our door had been exposed to some level of abuse. The loud ones are physical and sexual. The ones that are hardest to prove but do their own kind of damage are emotional abuse and neglect. I remember having a little girl come one night. She stayed for a few weeks before she was sent to a distant relative. I remember she was about six or seven. She told me, a few days into her stay, that she’d watched me with the other kids in the house, giving them hugs all the time.
She told me she didn’t remember ever getting a hug from anyone at home.
” Ma is studying my face as she continues.
“I may be off base, but I’m guessing you haven’t been hugged in a really long time.
Maybe even well before your mama passed.
Am I right?” The tears fall, and I don’t stop them.
I can’t answer her with words, but I nod.
She gives me a small smile and stands up.
“Come here, child.” She opens her arms, and my feet move without thinking.
In the next second, I’m in her arms, and she’s rubbing my back.
I realize the last time I’ve had a hug was from Mama, and I was six.
Father walked in and said she was coddling me and forbade Mama from hugging me again.
I stand in her arms for a while till my tears finally slow.
I stand back and look up to her since she’s a good couple of inches, if not more, taller than me.
She wipes my tears away with her thumbs.
“I know I’m not your mama, but, child, you ever need a hug?
You can come see me anytime. Fuck those assholes up there.
They don’t know shit about anything, especially not raisin’ kids.
” I just nod because what is there to say to that?
She, Anna, Wyatt, Jackson, and Pa have shown me more kindness and love in a few days than I had my entire life up the mountain.