CHAPTER FOUR #3
The last couple of hours have not cleared things up whatsoever, except that Christy’s called me “friend” at least five more times.
Add to that, fucking Zane sat next to her on one side and Madison on the other.
She swept in all quick and took the seat I was going to sit in, forcing me to sit across from them.
Jeremiah and Mayson sat next to me. After we all finished eating, Zane went inside to help Ma.
Christy was busy helping put the food away with Madison when Mayson leaned in and spoke just loud enough for me and Jeremiah to hear.
“Is there something goin’ on between you and Christy?
‘Cause you’ve been watching her like a hawk and staring daggers at the new prospect since we sat down to eat.
” Jeremiah nods in agreement. I look at both of them, two of the closest friends I’ve got.
I rub my face in frustration before I answer them.
“We’ve been kinda seeing each other for a few months now.
” Jeremiah bumps my shoulder. “What the fuck, dude?” Mayson shakes his head.
“Why the fuck didn’t we know about this? ”
I can't help but lean back in my chair and sigh. “‘Cause nobody knows about it. It started out that way because I wanted time for us to see if we had something real without every fucking person in this family sticking their nose in our business. Now… fuck, now I don’t know why I haven’t said anything to anyone yet.”
Mayson looks at me with a serious expression. “Are you serious about her? ‘Cause if you aren’t, it’s not right to let her think you are. She’s had enough—” I stop him because I want both him and Jeremiah to understand just how strongly I feel about Christy.
“I’m real fucking serious about her. Serious enough that I want to go take down that giant of a prospect.
” Jeremiah looks at me like I’m nuts. “I think you might need a psych eval. Not for what you’re feeling toward Christy, but having even a second's thought that you could take Zane on. That dude is a fucking massive giant. I gotta ask, does she feel the same or know how you feel at all?” I start to say something, but Mayson chimes in first. “Bullfrog makes a couple of good points. For sure about Zane, but, brother, the way Christy’s acting today, I don’t think she knows how you’re feeling.
Have you told her, you know, with words?
Maybe she doesn’t believe you since till about five minutes ago, no one had a fucking clue that you were seeing each other.
” Fuck. He’s right. “I haven’t said it in so many words, but she’s gotta know how much she means to me. ”
The voice behind me surprises me and has me jumping in my seat.
“I thought you, littlest brother, was the smartest of us all, but you’re proving that you’re just as fucking dumb as all of us.
” Jon sits down in the seat across from us, the one Christy had been sitting in.
He shakes his head as he looks at me. “I really thought you were a genius, but it would appear that when it comes to women and relationships, you're as dumb as we were. Hell, maybe even more.” I go to say something, but Jon holds up his hand, pissing me off even more. “I don’t know the details, and I’m not asking.
I just know that when we were trying to get things going with Jane, Pa said something that applies here.
I’m pretty sure he wanted to smack us upside our heads, but he reminded us that our women aren’t mind readers and they don’t necessarily know what we’re thinking.
He told us women have a million and one things going through their minds at any given moment, and thinking that some man wants them, like wants something serious with them, isn’t even close to being in the first million.
” I roll my eyes and admit something to the three of them.
“I know she knows I wanted to see if we have something serious between us because I brought it up the first time we kissed. Wouldn’t she—” Jon shakes his head.
“Nope. I don’t even know the rest of that sentence, but I can still confidently say no.
” Jon leans forward and looks serious when he continues speaking.
“Like I said, I ain’t Juan and am not asking for details, but I can’t imagine that if you were really serious about someone, you’d keep that a secret for a long time.
A good woman deserves to be loved, so all the world knows.
If you’re not gonna do that, you’ve got to be prepared for another man to be willing to.
Christy’s a good person and deserves someone who knows that. ”
Fuck that. I stand up and look at Jon. “She’s mine and no man, no matter who he is, is going to get in the middle of that.
” Enough is enough. I take off toward the clubhouse with one thing on my mind, and that’s finding my woman.
I pass Ma and the prospects, all coming out with trays of dessert, but I don’t stop, not even for Ma.
I walk inside and find Christy alone in the main room, putting up the leftovers.
I’m not sure how to start this, but Christy speaks up.
“What is it, Max? I promised Ma I would put up the leftovers and bring out the second pot of coffee as soon as it’s ready.
You know, just helping my friends.” I point at her.
“That. Why do you keep calling me your fucking friend?” She turns and looks at me.
“Because that’s what you are, right? I mean, in public, where everyone can see.
Heaven help us after more than four months, anyone suspect that we could be more.
” She sighs and sets down the spoon she has, and puts both hands on her hips before she continues.
“I mean, one could argue that we aren’t really more than friends because every time I think we’re possibly going to get to that next step, you get a call or a text of somebody needing you for something. ”
I swear my mouth moves before my brain can tell it to shut up.
“It’s called being part of a family, a part of this club!
” I think if I looked hard enough, I could see flames in Christy’s eyes.
“I know what Juan needed you for last night. And you can’t tell me that if we weren’t hiding whatever it is between us, you could’ve told him not right then, but that you could in the morning, and Juan would’ve been fine with it.
I think the problem is you! I don’t think you know what you want.
Or maybe you do, and I’m just not it. I—” I stop her rant because she needs to know how I feel.
“You are most definitely who I want. I want everything with you. I want a future.” Christy shakes her head, and her eyes get glassy, making me want to kick my own ass.
She looks at me, letting a tear fall. “You say the words I want to hear, but how the hell can we have a future if you’re not willing to be open about our relationship?
” I start to speak, but she holds up her hand and continues.
“I know I’m not the smartest or the most worldly person.
I’m also not the most experienced when it comes to almost anything in life, but I do know a few things.
I want to be loved loudly. I don’t want to be a secret.
I want someone who’s proud to be with me and wants the world to know they’re in love with me.
I know I’m not the world’s best catch, but I know I deserve that much. ”
I move closer to her, wanting to hold her, but she holds up her hand again and shakes her head.
“I want you. I want to be with you. I’m not ashamed to be with you.
I wanted us to have time to just be us without everyone butting into our business.
I can see I let it go on too long and—” Christy makes a face that I’m pretty sure she learned from Kiertsie.
“You think? Four months. Four months of hiding. Four months of you running off to help your family, leaving me alone to wonder if I’ll ever come first.”
Now, I’ve seen my brothers and my brother-in-laws all have moments when their intelligence leaves them.
I’m not sure why I thought I would be immune from that, but by what comes out of my mouth next, I know I definitely have lost all intelligence, along with any self-preservation that was inside of me.
“Now, why don’t you just calm down, and we can talk about this, and how much you mean to me. ”
“Calm down? Calm down? You want me to calm down? I haven’t raised my voice once during this conversation.
Emotional? Sure, I’ll admit that. Sorry, my emotions come into play when the guy I’m in love with can’t even admit that I’m his girlfriend.
” She walks up to me and pokes me in the chest with her finger.
“I’m gonna head home so I can calm down like you said.
I’ll tell Ma you volunteered to pack this stuff up.
I’m gonna go home, take a bath, and read a book.
Don’t call or text me tonight. You need to figure out what you want, and if it is, in fact, us together, you need to figure out how to tell people and how you’re going to explain that you were the one who wanted to keep things a secret for so long.
If you decide this isn’t what you want, send me a text tomorrow.
I’m standing up for what I deserve for once in my life. ”
I don’t say anything as she walks out of the room and slams the door behind her.
I slink down in a chair and put my head in my hands.
How the hell did I let things go so far?
How did I not see how much it was hurting Christy?
I’m vaguely aware of the door to outside opening up, but I’m too in my head to realize someone walked inside until the chair next to me squeaks as someone pulls it back and sits down.