Chapter 24
Marco
Four years later
I refused every single one of their visitations. Every single one. And there have been many. Between Luna and Damion, they were non-stop, but no. I didn’t want them to see me like this. See what this place has done to me in the years that I’ve been here.
It was an open and shut case. I made Damion promise not to tell her when court was, so I didn’t have to see the hurt in her eyes. I couldn’t handle it. I knew I couldn’t handle it, and that’s why I did what I did.
This place hasn’t been easy, and maybe seeing her would help, but that isn’t an option right now. I can’t even look at myself most days after what’s happened to me here. I can’t imagine what she would see.
She’s written me letters that go unanswered.
I wrote her one. Telling her how much I loved her and how much I needed her.
Telling her that one day I’ll find her, but now she has to go on.
She has to move on with her life because waiting around for me isn’t an option.
Do you know how much that fucking broke me to say?
Fuck. I didn’t even have to look her in the fucking eye and say it, and it still killed a piece of me.
I broke down after that, and that’s when shit got bad for me.
Don’t let these motherfuckers see you at your weakest because they’ll take advantage of that shit, and they did.
In the four years, I’ve been beaten, robbed, and raped.
All the things you’d expect in prison, but that’s before I found my people.
I’m safe now, or as safe as I could be. If you don’t pick a side, you’ll be left to fend for yourself, and that’s not a place to be in here. You’ll lose. You’ll always lose.
“You still thinking about her?” Pedro asks me as I look at the only picture I have of her. I had Damion sneak me one and send it, and she had no idea. That’s why it’ll always be my favorite.
“Look at her, man. How could I not?” I laugh as I flash him the photo of my Chula.
“She’s good-looking. Very beautiful.” I slide the picture back into my pocket and pick my cards back up.
“She’s a good girl. Just got herself a fucked up mother.”
“She’s dead, though, right?”
“Yeah. Her old crew leader killed her.”
“The one you killed?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“Fuck, Marco. That’s some big ass mess, right?” he laughs.
“Yeah, it was. It’s over, though, right?”
“Yeah. You’re stuck here now. Doing five years.”
“Five fucking years for saving her ass. Makes sense, doesn’t it?” I joke.
“Nothing makes sense anymore. You know Jamie down the line? From what I hear, he didn’t even do shit, and they got his ass on a murder charge for life.”
“Are you shitting me?” He shakes his head.
“Nope. He isn’t going anywhere. Be happy they gave you what they did, Marco.”
“I am. But I also know I’m not the same person I was when I came in here. I don’t know how she’s going to take it when I get out or if she’ll even be around.”
“You think she’s going to wait for you?” he laughs now.
“They all say that, man. They never wait. They find a new life, a new man. That’s how it works.
You might as well start thinking about yourself and not her,” he tells me.
He’s right. I’ve heard the stories. As long as I’ve been here, I’ve heard it all.
Very few women stick around for their men.
And I don’t doubt that Luna found someone else in the time that I’ve been here.
If she did, it would hurt, but I’d be happy for her.
“You know I’m getting out early, right?” I tell him. His smile grows larger as he shakes his head.
“No. I didn’t hear shit.”
“Good behavior. This is my last month,” I tell him.
I was shocked when they told me. I was shocked that it was even a thing.
I wasn’t sure I could make it five years in here, but I’ve made it four.
I just want to get the fuck out of here and see her.
Doesn’t matter if she isn’t mine anymore.
It doesn’t matter if she’s found the love of her life; I just need to see her.
She doesn’t need to see me, though. That’s why I asked Damion not to say anything to her about my release.
“Fuck, Marco. That’s damn good news, man. Not many get out for that. Just make sure your ass doesn’t end up back in here,” he tells me, pointing his finger at me as if to scold me.
“Fuck that. There’s no way I’m coming back here.”
“I sure as hell hope not. What are you going to do once you get out?”
“You know I’ve been taking classes in here for art. I plan on pursuing that a little more. It’s something I’ve always been passionate about but never sat down and did it, you know? My brother helped me a lot before I was locked up,” I tell him.
“No shit. I’ve seen all the tats you’ve been running lately. You’re damn good at that, too.”
“It felt so easy to learn how to do. I was impressed with myself,” I admit to him.
“Well, it looks good. Jaime’s was badass. It’ll be awesome if you get to work some color too,” he says. I nod my head and take a drink of my water before setting it back in front of me.
“When you getting out, Pedro?”
“I don’t know, Marco. Maybe never. They added those new charges on me when I beat that guy’s ass. Just adds to the time.”
“You need to stay out of trouble and get the fuck out of here.”
“Shit, this is my fourth time in. This is just about all I know, Marco. I’m not good outside these walls. This is where I’ll call home the rest of my life or the majority of it.”
I shake my head. I know it’s true, but I also know it’s sad. I hate that for him, but he’s right. He’s told me the stories, and he can’t stay out of prison for nothing. He’s been in and out since he was eighteen.
“I hope you find your way, Pedro.”
“Maybe one day, kid. I’m just glad you’re leaving this hell behind, even though I’ve grown fond of you,” he tells me as I laugh.
“Don’t fucking get soft on me, Pedro.”
“Fuck that. There isn’t anything soft about me.” He shoves out of his chair and walks off while I remain contemplating shit. Mainly, what my life is going to look like once I get out. What will it be like? Will I be able to just slip back into the life Damion was setting up for me?
I won’t lie and say that the crew life hasn’t been calling to me. I’m basically in a crew in here, but that’s mainly for protection reasons. That’s not to say that I haven’t done things while I was in here, I have, I just wasn’t caught.
I lean back in my chair and glance around.
There are men from all walks of life in here.
All different cultures and ethnicities. Every single one of them has done something they aren’t proud of, or maybe they are.
I’m not going to lie here and say that I’m not happy with what I did.
I’m pissed I got caught, is all. I think about that night a lot.
When I told her to run and she didn’t. She was in shock.
I know she was, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have run.
I don’t know what was going through her head, and maybe I should have left her there, but that didn’t seem like the right thing to do to her.
She was my Chula. My everything. I couldn’t just walk away from her, and as I sit here thinking about her, I don’t know that I can do it now.
Maybe she has a new man. Maybe she has a new life, but does that mean that she forgot me?
It’s possible. Anything is.