Chapter Sixteen
Caity
Cian took off down the hall and returned a moment later with my purse. Instead of handing it to me, he dumped the contents out onto the kitchen table.
I crossed my arms over my chest and waited. Watching as he dug through my belongings that now littered the table.
“Where are they?” he asked, finally turning to me.
I held out my hand. He stared at it before looking back at me. “What?”
“Can I have my purse?”
He looked back at the table and then at me. I rolled my eyes and stepped past him to grab my purse. I pulled the liner to the side and grabbed the envelope.
Cian snatched it from my hand and opened it, pulling the photos from inside. He quickly looked through them, and then I watched as his shoulders slumped.
“Thank fuck.”
“That’s an odd response,” Freyja giggled.
Cian tossed the pictures onto the table, and Sal covered his eyes. “They’re pictures of us leaving the bar and entering the hotel. Then Caity leaving the hotel in the morning.”
Sal separated his fingers over his eyes and peered forward before finally putting his hand down and picking up one of the images.
“What were you doing there?” he asked.
“Who?” I asked. “Me or him?”
“Both of you,” he growled.
“I think it’s obvious why I was there.”
Freyja giggled at my remark, and I smiled in her direction.
“You went there specifically to cheat on your husband?” my brother asked.
“Yes.”
“Why the fuck did you get married?”
I stared at my brother. He didn’t just ask me that question.
“Caity,” Cian whispered.
“No,” I said, holding up my hand and cutting him off.
I glared at my brother. “You want to know why I got married, Sal? Because I didn’t have a fuckin’ choice.
I wasn’t asked whether I wanted to get married.
I didn’t get to pick my dress or where the ceremony was.
I had no input on the flowers, the cake, the fuckin’ guest list!
” I shouted. “No one ever asked me what I wanted until that night,” I said, tapping the picture of me and Cian at the bar.
“Ci asked me what I wanted, and you know what I told him?”
“Caity, don’t,” Sal warned, his hands fisted at his sides.
“I told him I wanted him. I wanted him to fuck me, Sal. I wanted to feel him inside me. I wanted to feel loved and cherished for once in my goddamn life. It was the only choice I ever made in my whole fuckin’ life that was for me.”
I turned around and found Cian watching me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.”
I walked to the kitchen and pulled the bottle of vodka from the freezer. I poured some into a glass and stood in front of the counter and drank it, ignoring everyone else.
“Everyone, get the fuck out,” Cian said behind me. I didn’t turn around to see if they listened. I heard movement, and I knew Freyja was shoving Duncan out the door. Mac would follow. Sal was anyone’s guess. He hated being dismissed. He hated being talked down to.
My father had done it for years, so Sal did his best not to be our father.
Maybe that was why we were in this mess now.
Maybe if Sal really had been as ruthless as Eamon, we wouldn’t be dealing with this shit.
But Sal never would have worked with the Society.
He didn’t have it in him to be that evil.
Arms wrapped around me from behind, and I felt Cian’s breath on my neck. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry you had to go through all that shit for so long.”
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have killed him.”
“My father would have killed you.”
“Your father has been dead for over twenty years, Caity.” His chin rested on my shoulder, and he sighed. “I thought you were happy. At least content. If I’d known I would have gotten rid of him years ago.”
It was nice to think about, but even if Cian had killed Nolan, we still wouldn’t be together. We could never be together.
He kissed the side of my neck, and I closed my eyes.
“What do you want, Caity?” he asked between kisses. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. I’ll give you the world if you let me.”
“You can’t give me what I want, Ci.”
He spun me around and looked into my eyes. “Tell me what you want. Tell me and it’s yours.”
“I want the life we were supposed to live. I want Maddie to grow up with you as her father. I want the other children we were supposed to have. I want to watch our daughter walk down the aisle. I want to know our son-in-law. I want to know our grandson.”
Cian lifted his hand to wipe away my tears. Then he leaned in and kissed me.
“Maddie had me, Caity. She might not have known I was her father, but she always had me. And we can know our son-in-law through her. She can tell us about him. And we will get Henry back. If it’s the last fuckin’ thing I do, Maddie will have her son.”
He wrapped his arms around me, and I clung to him as I sobbed against his chest.
“I can’t do anything about the babies we never got to have, but if you want more babies, Caity. We can adopt some babies. There are thousands of children out there who don’t have families. We can still be a family, Caity. You, me, Maddie, and Henry.”
Cian leaned forward and hesitantly pressed his lips to mine. My heart was at war with itself. The mother in me said to push him away, that if my daughter wasn’t happy because of the choices I made, then I shouldn’t be either.
But the other side of me, the selfish side, wanted him to kiss me. Wanted him to hold me and never let me go. My hands fisted his shirt, still unsure of what the right decision was.
Then Cian made it for me.
His hands slid over my hips to my ass, and he grabbed me, lifting me off the floor onto the counter. My legs spread on their own, making room for him to move closer.
I could feel him pressed against my core. He was hard, and the memories of our night together overruled my mother’s heart. His lips pressed more firmly, seeking permission.
Without thinking, I opened for him. My legs, letting him press harder against me. My mouth, allowing his tongue to swipe inside, tasting me.
And my heart?
For the second time in my life, I was selfish. I made a choice for me, and the rest of the world be damned. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His groan, as he moved his lips down my neck, caused me to shiver.
He was hungry for me. For years I’d denied us both the one thing we wanted. Each other. Well, I was done denying myself. Done denying him.
“Take me to bed, Ci.”
“Fuck yes.”
He lifted me off the counter, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me down the hall into his bedroom and laid me gently on the bed.
“Get naked,” he said as he stepped back and unbuttoned his shirt. I quickly pulled my shirt over my head as I watched him undress. He kicked off his shoes and dropped his pants, taking his hard length in hand, stroking himself as he watched me.
I shimmied out of my jeans until I was left in my bra and panties. Then, I sat up and reached behind me.
“Wait,” he said. He took a step toward me, and my eyes were on his dick. His finger under my chin lifted until I was looking in his eyes. The arrogant smile told me he knew what I was thinking, but he shook his head. Taking my hand, he helped me to my feet.
“We have all the time in the world, Caity.”
Then, his lips were on mine again, while his hands roamed over my body. A gentle, barely-there presence made my body shiver. One finger traced the edge of my bra over my breast. Dipping under the lace to flick my nipple.
Cian pulled back and smiled before pulling the cup down and taking my nipple into his mouth.
“Ci, please. Just take it off.”
His only response was a hum against my skin. We weren’t kids anymore; I didn’t need foreplay. I needed him inside me. I needed him to make me feel the way I felt that night.
“Patience, banphrionsa, patience.”
I had no patience. I didn’t want to be played with; I wanted to be fucked. Hard. By him. I’d waited a lifetime to be with him again, never believing it would happen.
I growled at him, and he laughed. He knew what he was doing to me. He reached behind me and removed my bra, then kneeled in front of me and, achingly slowly, pulled my panties down my legs.
“Sit,” he commanded.
I dropped to the bed and his hands were at my knees pushing them apart, moving closer. My breath hitched when his palm pressed into my skin between my breasts and he pushed me until I lay on my back. He lifted my legs and hooked them over his shoulder as he hummed his pleasure.
“So fuckin’ perfect,” he whispered and then leaned forward and licked me. My breath sped up. I hadn’t been touched in years, believing I would never have this again.
My hands went to his hair and pulled him closer. He chuckled against me, but I ignored his arrogance. I was being selfish right now. I didn’t care what he wanted, only what he could give me.
Nolan had never done this for me. Sex with him was clinical. He’d tried to get me pregnant again, but I made sure I never had his child. Something inside me always knew Maddie belonged to Cian. Even if she’d had Nolan’s blood running through her veins, she was always Cian’s child.
Conceived in the love we shared but never said out loud.
“I love you, Ci.”
He paused and looked up at me, a smile spreading across his face.
“I’ve always loved you,” I admitted. “Since we were kids. It was always you I wanted.”
“I love you, banphrionsa.”
His hands went to my hips as he pulled me closer to the edge of the bed. He dipped back down to flick my clit with his tongue before circling it, then sucking it into his mouth. My hips launched off the bed at the feeling of his mouth on me.
My hands pulled at the sheets; I was so close. My breathing sped up to match my heart rate, and I begged, “Please, Ci. Please make me come.”
He doubled his efforts, sliding a finger inside me. Pumping it a few times before adding a second and then twisting to rub that spot that only he knew. I cried out his name as I came. He continued his ministrations with his tongue as waves of ecstasy crashed over me.
I lay spent as he continued to indulge in my release, until I pushed him away.
“It’s too much.”
“It’s never enough,” he countered as he climbed over me on the bed. He made a show of licking his fingers, and I laughed. I felt like I was flying. Never had I felt so free to just be me. To enjoy being with this man, who was always so close but never close enough.
He looked into my eyes and asked, “Did you mean it? Or were you caught up in the moment?” I opened my mouth to answer, but he placed a finger over my lips.
“Because if you tell me you meant it, Caity, I’m never letting you fuckin’ leave.
If you tell me you meant it, it means you’re mine. For the rest of our lives, Caity.”
I looked at the man I’d loved my whole life and said, “I meant it, Ci. I love you.”