Chapter Twenty
Caity
Weeks had passed since Cian fucked me on my father’s desk. After helping me clean up the office, he took me home, promising to send some of his men over to clean the rest of the house.
I’d wanted to do it myself. I’d wanted to return my home to what it was before. But it didn’t matter what I wanted. I’d been living with Cian ever since.
Maddie came over a few times a week to have dinner with us. She and I talked about Henry and Salvatore. We talked about what she wanted to do with her life. But something felt off.
Maddie had always been quiet. I knew that was my fault. Nolan was never a father to her. I guess now I knew why. Though I still didn’t know when he’d found out or how long he’d known.
Did he know from the beginning? Or did he find out when he learned about Henry?
I guess we’d never know because my brother shot him in the head. Then, if I had to guess, Ronan fed him to the gators.
But Maddie’s quiet was different now. Like she struggled with something she didn’t want to talk to me about. I always thought I had a great relationship with my daughter. But now I knew that wasn’t true. If I did, she would have told me about her husband.
About her child.
To be honest, I shouldn’t be surprised. There was a lot I never told my mother. Now she was gone and all I wanted was to have a cup of coffee with her at the kitchen table and tell her everything.
I wanted her advice. I wanted her to tell me it was okay to love Cian. That even though no one knew my husband was dead, I was a widow.
I didn’t miss the snide looks from the other wives. It shouldn’t bother me, but I’d always been held to a higher standard. The boss’ daughter and now the boss’ sister.
I’d never had anyone I could confide in. The few times I’d tried, it came back to bite me in the ass.
Ten years ago...
“Hi, Caity,” Delia said as she set her purse on the chair next to her. “I’m so excited for the gala. Do you have your dress?”
“I do,” I answered as I took a sip from my glass.
Delia Rafferty was married to Shane Rafferty. One of Nolan’s captains. We met a few times a month for dinner with a few other wives. I hadn’t wanted to go, but Nolan insisted. He didn’t understand the dynamics of women.
It didn’t matter how much he wanted me to be friends with these women; I never could be. I was the boss’ wife. Anything they said to me could get back to the boss. So everything we discussed was superficial.
Not that I would ever betray their confidence, but I think sometimes they told me things because they hoped I would.
I was their confidante. The one they bragged to about their husband’s accomplishments, hoping I would be in my husband’s ear to garner them a promotion.
I could have told them that would never happen. My husband didn’t care about my opinion. He didn’t love me the way they all assumed he did. He was good at playing his part. Especially at the galas he dragged me to.
I loved charity work; I did. But I was more the get your hands dirty kind of volunteer. Not the kiss the rich donor’s ass kind of volunteer. That was what Nolan was good at. Kissing people’s ass.
Why my father thought he could run the city was beyond me. But even after his death, my brother didn’t make a change. I thought for sure he would look into Nolan, but no, Sal basically ignored New York, letting Nolan do what he wanted.
It wasn’t that I felt abandoned by my brother. He was a constant presence in my life and my daughter’s life. All of them were. But, like I said, Nolan was good at playing his part. And I guess I was too, because no one ever questioned if I was happy.
Delia prattled on about the upcoming gala; it was one that was dear to my heart. Dr. Gideon Scott threw his Foundation Ball every year to raise money for abused and traumatized children. It was the one event I looked forward to and supported financially with pride.
“What color are you wearing?”
“What?” I asked, her question pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m wearing pink. Felicia, I heard, is wearing gray. Can you imagine?”
“Gray? Do you mean silver?”
“Gray, silver, it’s the same thing.” She waved her hand, dismissing my opinion. It wasn’t the same at all. “What color is your dress?”
“Black.”
“Black?” Delia scrunched up her nose. “How in the world will you stand out in black?”
“I don’t want to stand out. The charity isn’t about me; I’m there to support what Dr. Scott is doing.”
Delia just blinked at me like I’d spoken in another language. I hated this city. Everyone in New York was selfish and self-centered. They didn’t go to these fundraisers to help the charity. I would bet my inheritance that Delia didn’t even know what Dr. Scott did, or who he helped.
I should have paid better attention to what I was saying. Because when it got back to my husband, my simple statement about not wanting to stand out had been blown out of proportion, and Nolan believed I was ashamed of being seen with him.
Which I was, but that wasn’t what I meant.
I didn’t end up attending that year. My face was bruised, and no amount of makeup would have covered the split lip. But Nolan went without me and hadn’t come home for two days.
I’d avoided seeing my brother for weeks so he wouldn’t know. He still didn’t know. Neither did Cian. It was a secret I would take to the grave. It didn’t matter now, anyway. Nolan was dead, and I was... I wanted to say free, but I’d never be free.
I looked around Cian’s apartment. It was beautiful and modern, open but cozy. It felt lived in. It felt like home. But the truth was, I’d gone from one gilded cage to another.
Maybe Maddie was right.
Maybe I, too, needed a purpose.
I noticed the files on the island in the kitchen.
Cian had been through them. He’d underlined the names we needed to focus on.
But his focus was split. Between trying to find out who had bugged the warehouse and sent the voice recording, while still trying to locate the men who had broken into my home, he hadn’t had much time to dig into the names in the files.
But I could.
I spread the files out on the kitchen table. There were five names listed. One of them stood out to me. Maddie’s father-in-law, Valentino Valentinetti.
Maddie had never met him, so I couldn’t ask her. He died years before she’d met Salvatore. I went to Cian’s office and sat behind his desk. I typed the name into the search bar and read everything I could find about Valentino Valentinetti.
I wasn’t a technology person like Cian. Sure, I knew how to use a computer, and I knew how to look things up. But everything I’d found about Valentinetti was business related.
Except for how he died.
I read article after article about the car bomb that killed Valentino and his brother Eduardo. But nothing about who had set the bomb. The case was still unsolved.
Which meant it was Mafia related.
The authorities would never know who killed the two men. But someone did. I sat there staring at the screen, wondering who I could ask.
“Mom? Are you here?”
“Back here, Maddie,” I called out.
She smiled when she saw me sitting at her father’s desk. I knew she was happy to see us together. And I was happy too; I just... I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I was feeling. There was an empty space inside me that still wasn’t filled.
“What are you doing?”
I looked up at my daughter’s question and paused. This was a moment that, depending on my answer to her question, could change everything. Did I keep her in the dark, further wedging the space between us? Or did I tell her the truth, even if it hurt?
“I’m looking up information about Valentino Valentinetti.”
Maddie blinked at me. “Why?”
“Maddie, sit down. There’s something I want to tell you.
” I waited until she sat, and I took a deep breath.
“Women in this life are kept in the dark. I was never included in the family business, and because that was how I was raised, I did the same to you. But not for the same reason,” I quickly added.
“I didn’t want you to be part of this life.
It was why I fought so hard for you to go to college.
When you moved to Nevada, I prayed you never came home. ”
Maddie’s eyes dropped to her lap, and a piece of my heart broke.
“Not because I didn’t want you, Maddie.”
“I know. It’s why I had to let Henry go.
It’s why Salvatore didn’t tell his family until he had to.
We didn’t want Henry in this life. He was the first grandchild.
Salvatore told me that Henry would be expected to take over his family when he grew up.
And because we didn’t know about King, I thought the same.
I wanted Henry to make his own choices. To live his own life. ”
I nodded.
“I think that’s why Darcy ran.” She knew what would be expected of her son. King was ten years older than Maddie. The Irish would never put a woman in charge. Maddie would have been passed over for Henry.
“When we learned Justin had died—” I paused, remembering my nephew.
His name was Micah now, and he was in the same club King ran.
Somehow fate had brought the cousins together.
“When we thought Justin had died, he was the only heir we’d known about other than you.
But you never would have been expected to take over.
I think that’s why Sal kept him a secret.
He knew Justin was alive and living in Arkansas, but he never told anyone. ”
“Why are you researching Henry’s grandfather?”
I blew out a sigh and explained, “While I was redoing the house, I opened up Eamon’s office. Sal closed it up when your grandfather died, and no one had been in there since. Looking back, I should have left it alone.”
“Hindsight is always 20/20,” my daughter said sadly.
I studied her face. “Would you change it?” I asked.
“Change what?”
“If you’d known how things would turn out? That your husband would have died and your son would be raised by someone else—would you have made a different decision? Would you still have gotten involved with him?”
Maddie turned toward the window and leaned back in her chair.
“I want to say yes.” She looked me in the eye.
“But no, I wouldn’t. The love Salvatore and I had was like a fairytale.
And the nine months I carried Henry inside me, watching him grow, feeling him move…
I could never wish that away. I may not have my son, but I know he’s safe.
And that means more to me than having him with me. ”
I nodded as a tear slipped down my cheek.
“What about you, Mom?”
“What about me?”
“Would you change it? If you knew everything you knew now, would you still go to that bar that night?”
Her question caught me off guard, though I wasn’t sure why. Maddie was smart. She had a way of always knowing when I was stuck in my thoughts.
“There are many things about my life I wish I could change. But spending that night with your father isn’t one of them.”
“And if that hadn’t resulted in me?” she asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “I still wouldn’t change it.” Because there was one thing in my life that I had never questioned. Never doubted. And that was how much I loved Cian. I might not be completely happy yet, but finally being with him wasn’t what held me back.
I just wish I knew what it was.