Love so raw it’s still bleeding #3
I hum and lift my head slowly to look at Evan over the top of hers. He’s standing beside the bed with one hand braced against the rail, eyes fixed on us.
Tired shadows hollow out his face, and there’s no embarrassment there at all. Only grief. Relief. Love so raw, it’s still bleeding.
Elle pulls back slightly to look at me. “He was really scared.”
“I know,” I whisper, my throat burning. “I was scared, too.”
Her mouth wobbles a little at that, trying so hard to be brave, then her gaze flicks to Evan, and back to me. “When are you coming home?”
Home.
I smooth her hair back carefully. “Soon, bug.”
She studies my face for another long second, like she’s checking whether I mean it, then finally holds the folded paper out toward me.
“I made you something.”
I take it carefully and unfold it against the blanket. It’s a stick figure family, with giant smiles and mismatched-length arms. Me with blue-tipped hair, Evan tall beside me. Elle’s between us, holding both our hands, and even Gus is there, spotted with dots like a little cow instead of a dog.
Something inside me cracks wide open.
“It’s beautiful, Elle. Thank you.”
She points proudly. “Mrs. Patel told us to draw the people we love most, so I drew my family.”
My vision blurs instantly, and beside me, Evan drags a hand over his mouth and looks away for a second, trying to pull himself together.
Gwen’s voice sounds gently from the doorway. “Hey, monkey butt. We should probably let Penny rest for a bit now, eh.”
Elle nods, but she throws her arms around me one more time first. This hug is tighter.
“I love you, Penny.”
The tears spill before I can stop them, and my eyes move to Evan’s over her shoulder.
“Love you too, bug.”
Elle leaves reluctantly, her hand tucked in Gwen’s as they disappear down the hallway. Evan watches until they turn the corner completely, unable to look away before the door swings shut behind them again.
I stare down at the drawing still sitting in my lap, fingertips brushing carefully over the crooked little stick figures holding hands, now dotted with tear splotches.
Evan steps back inside, carrying a plastic tray of food the nurse gave him, but the second the door clicks shut behind him, something in his face changes.
The composure slips, and I see how hard he’s been holding himself together for everyone else.
For Elle, for me. For Colt.
He sets the food down on the tray table with careful movements that aren’t actually careful at all because his hands are shaking so hard.
“Hey,” I whisper.
He exhales a laugh that sounds wrecked around the edges and drags a hand over his face. “Jesus Christ.”
“Evan—”
“I thought she was gonna be scared of you.” His voice breaks halfway through the sentence. “And I hated that. I hated that she even had to walk in here and see you like this.”
“She wasn’t scared.”
“I know.” He nods, eyes glossy. “I know, I just—” His throat works roughly. “Fuck, Pen.”
He turns away from me for a second, bracing both hands against his hips, trying to steady himself, and I realize with sudden clarity that this man hasn’t actually fallen apart yet.
He’s been functioning on pure adrenaline and terror and grief for God knows how long.
“Come here,” I whisper.
He turns back to me, and I shift carefully against the mattress, making space beside me despite the ache pulling through my ribs. “Please.”
His expression folds completely at that, and he crosses the room in three quick steps, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed. But the second my hand touches his arm, it’s over, and he moves in beside me.
One arm slides around my waist, and he presses his face into the side of my neck.
Then he breaks.
The sound that leaves him is a quiet sob, his whole body shaking beneath my hands before he buries it down hard, like he’s ashamed of it.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, fingers sliding into his hair.
His grip tightens around me almost painfully, forehead sliding beneath my chin while his breathing turns rough and uneven against my skin.
“I really thought I’d lost you,” he chokes out. “When I couldn’t find you in there—fuck—I thought—”
His voice splinters completely, and I hold him tighter despite the pain pulling through my chest.
“You found me,” I remind him shakily.
He lifts his head to mine then, and he’s raw—completely stripped bare.
“I can handle a lot of things, Penny,” he says hoarsely. “But there are two girls in this world that I—” He cuts himself off and his eyes close briefly. “That I can’t handle anything happening to. And you’re one of them.”
His hand slides up into my hair, trembling slightly as he looks at me.
“I can’t do this without you now,” he admits. “I don’t even know when that happened, but I fucking can’t.”
Tears spill down my cheeks before I can stop them, and he wipes one away immediately with his thumb. Then he pulls me against him carefully, holding me like I’m glass, while his breathing slowly steadies against my hair.
And for the first time since waking up in this hospital room, I let myself melt into his arms instead of trying to survive inside my own head.