Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Having Dreams of being single forever he’s getting worried
And I’m scared too…
“Me, I haven’t changed much, you know how I play it, better safe than sorry… say that shit, Aubrey,” Yanna spoke to Drake as she vibed to his verse on Alicia Keys’ “Unthinkable”.
Moment of honesty, someone’s gotta take the lead tonight who’s it gonna be?
Not the hell me, was Yanna’s inner response as she shook her head, pushing her phone away from her. She’d almost dialed Kas’ number. That would ruin everything. He’d given her the perfect out, and if she went back, she’d have no one but herself to blame when it all went to shit… again.
You give me a feeling that I never felt before…
She scoffed at that part. What the hell did Alicia Keys know anyway? Yanna was fighting feelings she didn’t want to have. Feelings she thought she’d trained herself not to feel, yet there she was. Sitting in her room listening to love songs like a regular sucker for love.
If you ask me, I’m ready…
Yanna could’ve cried. She wasn’t ready. Not for the uncertainty that came with being in love.
And surely not for the three objects lined on her dresser, taunting her.
She was going stir crazy… had been that way for a few days.
Ever since her little illicit frolic in the hotel, she’d had this feeling…
like something was incredibly wrong. Like she’d messed up in the most Jaiyanna way possible.
When she’d checked her tracking app and realized her period was three days late, she learned her suspicion was confirmed.
Yanna had gone to Walgreens and purchased at least five pregnancy tests.
Each one yielded the same results… she was pregnant.
She needed someone to talk to but didn’t know who.
Troi had been her first choice, but she didn’t want to bother her.
Not only was her cousin set to get married soon, but going to her with her current problems was embarrassing.
Troi had always been the smarter one, the one who was more mature.
She was always so well put together and decisive.
Yanna, she was the hot mess who made life decisions based on what Troi had already done.
She’d never been very mature, and indeterminacy was her primary personality trait.
Dispelling her latest woes to Troi would make her feel small.
Grabbing her phone, she dialed the one person she should be going to at a time like this.
“Yea?”
“Hey, ma.”
“Heyyyy baby girl… what got you calling your mumma at this time of night?”
“It’s 3:19 in the afternoon.”
“Is it?” Janis questioned, laughing out loud when she realized it was indeed light outside. “Well, shit, I done lost track of time. Anyway, girl what you want?”
A deep sigh escaped Yanna’s lips because she could tell her mother was drunk. “You know what, never mind. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Hanging up the phone, Yanna slid out of her bed and pushed her feet into a pair of slides. She grabbed her things off the dresser, secured her keys and phone and hopped in her Jeep after locking up. Venturing out of her neighborhood, she jumped on the highway heading 95 South.
Tree limbs rustled against the windows of Yanna’s Jeep as she sped down the long driveway leading to the three homes.
Never had she needed to divulge her personal business to someone so badly.
Normally, she valued her privacy, but the burden of realizing how badly she’d screwed up was too large to bear alone.
Finally reaching the winding driveway, she pulled in front of Layla’s house, quickly spilling out of the driver’s seat.
Like the contents of her pocket were on fire, Yanna sprinted to Layla’s door and rang the doorbell five times.
A few seconds later, Layla opened the door.
Seeing her warming smile did something to Yanna’s emotions, and the waterworks started immediately.
“Oh, ladybug, what’s wrong? What happened?” Layla asked, concerned as she stepped onto her porch.
With shaky hands, Yanna pulled a Ziplock bag from the pocket of her sweat shorts. Raising her hand, she held the bag so Layla could see the contents inside. Her eyes traveled from the three positive pregnancy tests to Yanna, then back to the tests again.
“You’re pregnant.”
“I am. I really didn’t want to come to you with this, but I don’t want to talk to anyone else about it right now.”
“Well, damn, just hurt my feelings. Why wouldn’t you want to talk to me about my own grandbaby? Wait… you’re not keeping it? Yanna, you don’t have to feel ashamed about---”
“That’s not it, I’m not aborting my baby.”
“Then what is it?”
Yanna’s tears seemed to multiply, and her cries became audible. “I—I don’t know who… I’m not sure it is your grandbaby!”
“Yanna no.” Layla’s gasp was loud, her hand flying to her mouth at Yanna’s revelation.
“When I thought Kas had been with that girl, and I – I slept with someone else. I was drinking, I was hurt… I wasn’t thinking, and we didn’t use protection. Now I’m pregnant, and I don’t know if Kas is the father or not.”
“So then who the fuck is?”
Yanna and Layla both jumped at the sound of Kas’ voice.
Yanna’s neck nearly snapped from turning it so fast. If looks could kill, she’d be DOA when Dinwiddie police arrived to claim her body.
The look of hurt and hatred taking over Kas’ countenance was more than Yanna could handle.
She wasn’t used to him looking at her like that.
Gazes from Kas used to consist of bitten lips, seductive smiles and stares of adulation.
A stark contrast to the disgust he held now.
“Kas---”
“Fuck nah. Do not say my fucking name. Don’t try to bullshit yo way out of this with weak ass excuses.
Don’t blame the shit on the liquor, don’t blame it on Kalil, and for damn sure don’t blame it on me.
Call the shit what it really the fuck is…
some hoe shit. You just been running ‘round letting niggas nut in you? I was too blinded by the fact that I really fucking love yo ass to see just how fucking big of a pass around, hoe ass, for the streets ass bitch you are.”
“Kasra Hussein, that’s enough nie. She don’t need you standing here crucifying her.”
“Mumma, don’t you dare stand out here and take up for this girl!
Were you listening to the shit she just said out her foul ass mouth?
! Do you hear what she’s doing to me? You gone defend her?
But if it was me out here saying I’d gotten another female pregnant, I would be the worst nigga in Virginia. ”
“All I’m saying is you need to calm down.”
“Calm down?! I need to calm down? Mumma, are you fucking serious? How can I calm down when I can literally feel my heart breaking into little pieces? This shit physically hurts… I can barely breathe, and this bitch got the nerve to stand here crying like she’s the one in pain!”
“You act like I meant for this to happen!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Kas screamed, a vein appearing in the middle of his forehead.
He screamed so loud the neighbors could’ve heard it, and no one lived within miles of them.
“You can’t take accountability for shit, Jaiyanna.
You acted like you were so fucking scared to let me love you when I was the one who should’ve been scared. ”
“Kas, please.”
“Ain’t no fucking please, please what?! Like this shit… this shit is killing me, and it’s crazy because I’m realizing it’s not me, it’s you. I did all I could. I tried to show you that you were worthy of being loved. Tried to show you that I wasn’t like yo pops, but you… you go and do this?”
“I didn’t mean to… I – I thought, you and Zahra—”
“Fuck that bitch! I didn’t want her! I wanted you.
From the day I met you, all I wanted was you.
I wanted you so bad that even when you hurt me, I tried to understand you instead of hating you.
I made excuses for you, talking to myself, making rationalizations of why you reacted how you did…
why you would go do the hoe ass shit you did.
Because my love for you was bigger than yo mistakes.
Contemplating on how long I’d actually be mad at you, because I’d rather fix shit with you 100 times than be without you.
But you… really, Jaiyanna? Can’t even admit you love me, but you’ll let a random nigga fuck you raw. ”
Yanna’s heart felt like it was trying to fight its way out of her chest. Her tears were falling so plentifully, they obscured her vision.
She ascended the stairs so she could retreat to her car but should’ve known Kas wasn’t having that.
He charged to her, causing Yanna to fall back onto the step.
Kas stood over her, his own emotions leaking from his eyes and landing on her arm.
“You know, the crazy shit is I saw yo car and was coming over here to try and work shit out witcho’ dumb ass! How could you do this? Then come crying to my mumma like she supposed to fucking condone the trifling shit you do!”
Kas felt himself being pulled away from Yanna and turned to find Troi glaring at him quizzically.
“Back away from her, Kas. What the hell is your problem?”
“My problem is Jaiyanna let another nigga nut in her and knock her ass up.”
Troi’s horrified gasp was like nails on a chalkboard to Yanna’s ears.
“What? Yanna, you’re pregnant? By who?”
“I don’t fucking know, okay! Yes, I am pregnant and don’t know who my baby daddy is, so you can go ahead and say it too. I’m a hoe, a dirty, dumb bitch, and all that. I get it.”
“You know damn well I wasn’t going to say anything like that. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on.”
“I mean, she basically just summed it up for you, Troi Baby.”
“I don’t even know why the hell I came here. I’m leaving.” Yanna stood from the step, but Layla stepped down to stop her.
“You don’t need to be driving right now. Come inside and talk to me for a minute.”
“I’ll be fine, Mumma Lay.”