49. Liv
Liv
Itold my grandmother everything. All our speculations, strange experiences, and theories.
The lawsuit, and my arguments with my parents and Theo.
I did not mention that there had been more to my relationship with him than friendship; I just said we’d gone to New York to try to figure things out.
But she was smart, and I was sure she’d read between the lines.
“We know the girl at Divine Grace could’ve been Lily or Ella,” I finished.
“We know James took Ella, even why he asked for a ransom and didn’t collect it.
But there’s so much we don’t know…like how he died.
Who you really are, and what happened to whoever you aren’t, if that makes sense.
And if you’re really Lily, then your sister Susi is still alive.
She’s been walking around with so much guilt for all of these years. Wouldn’t you want to meet her?”
Grandma Ella stared at me. Her dark eyes were wide, and her hands trembled where she’d knotted them on the table. I was glad Ruth had retreated to her room, because otherwise she’d surely bustle in here, demanding to know what I’d done to make my grandma look this way.
Anxiety bubbled inside me. Had I made a terrible mistake? “Grandma,” I said, “please say something. I know this must be an awful shock, and I promise I didn’t do any of it to hurt you. Please don’t be angry with me.”
She reached out a shaking hand and laid it on my own. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m not angry, except maybe with your parents. What a horrible thing to do, threatening to disinherit you that way. But my father…he wasn’t a murderer. He couldn’t be.”
“I hope he wasn’t, too.” My voice was tremulous.
“And maybe this journal will tell us, once and for all. But even if not, you could still be Lily, Grandma. Won’t you please take a DNA test?
Not because of this stupid lawsuit, but so you don’t miss out on the chance to meet your sister before it’s too late? ”
“Olivia—” she began, but I rushed onward, desperate to get the words out.
“I never found out why my birth mother gave me up. I never had a chance to see her face or ask her anything, and now, I never will. But I want more than that for you, Grandma. If you have a sister, I want you to know her.”
Her smile somehow managed to combine resignation and hope.
“I know I told you no, when you asked about this before. But given all the trouble you’ve gone to and everything you’ve learned, not to mention the odd experiences you’ve had, I’m willing to be open-minded. It seems as if this was meant to be.”
“Oh, Grandma!”
“But before we talk about this anymore, I want you to know something. Whatever I decide,” she said, “whatever’s in that journal…
Olivia, you were brave enough to go looking for the truth, no matter the consequences.
That’s a rare quality, and I’m sorry your parents can’t appreciate it.
” Her eyes welled up. “I’m proud of you. ”
I launched myself out of my chair, wrapping my arms around her. She was small and fragile under my hands, but she smelled like she always had—Arpege and floral shampoo—and for a moment, I allowed myself to feel small and safe in her arms.
Then she sat back and lifted my chin. “Now, I’m ready to read that journal. But I don’t believe we should do it without Theo.”
I stared at her, horrified. “Grandma, didn’t you hear me when I told you what he did? How he wasn’t honest with me about his mother and the lawsuit?”
“I heard,” she said, hands on her hips. “But I also know there’s a lot you’re not telling me about what happened between the two of you. And from what I understand, you haven’t given him the chance to share the whole story.”
“He didn’t want to be with me,” I argued. “He was the one who walked away. Practically ran away, if you want to know the truth. I don’t owe him a thing.”
“You care for him,” my grandmother said. “I can tell.”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” I said, willing that to be true. “This is your father’s journal. It has nothing to do with his family, not yet.”
My grandmother shook her head. “If that book is what we both think it is, he’s earned the right to know what’s inside it as much as you and I have.
It’s the right thing to do, and I’m tired of secrets.
” She drew herself up, her spine ramrod-straight.
“The two of you started this journey together, and you should finish it the same way.”
“But—”
“Let me finish, Olivia.” Her voice was steel.
“It’s no good to keep perpetuating misunderstandings and mistrust down the generations.
Perhaps Theo didn’t know what his mother was up to.
Or perhaps he did, and was trying to put a stop to it.
Perhaps he was just trying to look out for you, to protect you, the same way you’ve been trying to protect me. ”
Much as I hated to admit it, that struck a chord. I thought of the tone of Theo’s voice when he’d thought Diane Hayes had upset me. The way he’d taken a cab to the apartment in the middle of the night, just because I’d told him I was scared.
“That dream I’ve been having,” my grandmother said, knitting her fingers together, “about my mother playing the piano. Do you remember me mentioning it?”
Wordlessly, I nodded.
“Well,” my grandmother said, “I’ve lived too long to believe in coincidences.
First, my dreams about my mother. Then, the woman you saw at the bar that night…
She brought the two of you together, and, just maybe, that’s brought me the truth.
” She sank back into her chair and met my eyes.
“So call him, Olivia dear, and ask him to come over. Whatever’s in that journal, we’ll deal with it together. ”