Chapter 21
Twenty-One
Aesira
Aesira cupped the boy's cold cheek and brushed the stiff hair from his face. “Celestria be with you,” she whispered, then gently laid his head on the ground.
There was nothing but the quiet drum of rain against rock as Stone and Birdie worked together to get the torches relit.
It seemed overly cautious since the Strix was dead, but she also understood the need to be busy at a time like this.
She wished she could keep busy too. She glanced down at the boy again and her stomach lurched.
For a sick moment, she thought it was Eldrin in the Strix’s clutches. But it couldn’t be. That nightmare had already happened. Eldrin was dead. The pain of that memory overtook her like a storm, swelling in her chest until her lungs were too full to work.
“Hey.” Bee crouched next to her. “Are you okay?” She tugged Aesira close, her arm tight around her shoulders. “You were brave,” she said.
“I was careless.” Aesira stood, brushing Bee off.
“We all were.” She cut a glance at Stone, who was already watching her over the flickering of the freshly lit torches.
She’d let herself get distracted. Let her guard fall and if she hadn’t been so quick, it could have been any one of them lying dead on the ground.
“We should sleep,” Aesira said, trudging back into the cave. “It’s almost dawn and we have a long trek tomorrow.” She dressed in everything but her armor and found a spot away from the group to settle.
The ground was cold but she pressed her body tighter into it, letting the rocks tear into her skin.
She’d do this. Find punishments where she could.
Sometimes small. Other times, more devastating.
She deserved it, she thought. To be uncomfortable and in pain.
To be sick with guilt and shame for being so distracted.
For ignoring her duties even for a moment.
Sleep did not come easy, just as it hadn’t the last few nights, but this time when she dreamt of the Strix, it wasn’t her it was after. It was after Eldrin again.
The sun exposed the extent of last night's storm as they packed and ate a ration of dried meat and fruit each. The few bare trees that lined the mountains had lost limbs, branches broken and scattered. But none of the carnage was as bad as what lay before the cave.
The Strix, with its awful stench and razor teeth.
And the boy, with his sunken face and pale cheeks.
Stone helped Aesira wrap him the best they could with her blanket.
Aesira withdrew a small piece of charred wood from her pocket, one that had broken off from one of the torches last night and with it, drew a small ‘C’ on the center of the boy’s forehead.
C, for Celestria.
She pressed her fingers to her lips, then touched his forehead before joining the others. It wasn’t a proper burial, but it would be enough to get him through Celestria’s gates.
“We’ll walk all day,” Stone said. “The incline is steep but if we keep a consistent pace we should make good headway.”
She let the others lead the way, lingering behind for a few extra moments to create some space between them.
She needed the silence. Needed to breathe the fresh air of the open mountains.
Needed to clear her head before the weight of her mistakes came crashing down again.
Not just last night, but all the others that festered inside of her like a plague.
Her brother, being the worst of them.
The sun reached mid-sky before they stopped for a break. They each had their own canteens which they refilled during last night's rain storm.
Aesira made herself comfortable under a mature olive tree, finding relief beneath its thick branches. She sipped her water in silence, counting the seconds until it was time to move again.
Move.
That was the key.
She needed to keep her body moving. Keep her mind going, otherwise–
A tall figure eclipsed the sun. “Can I sit with you?” Stone crouched next to Aesira and pulled out a piece of dried fruit. “Here,” he said. “In case you’re still–”
“I’m not hungry,” she lied.
Stone kept the fruit hung between them and her face burned where his eyes met her skin. “Aesira,” he said softly. She whipped her face toward him. “It wasn’t your fault, what happened.” He tucked the fruit back into his bag. “We couldn’t have known the Strix was that far in the mountains.”
“You said the Strix left.” Her throat burned. “You said it was likely full and off to find a mate.”
Stone pushed his glasses up and it was such a small, insignificant movement, something she’d seen him do over and over again, but it enraged her. A movement so normal and routine as if they didn’t almost die hours ago. As if that boy didn’t die hours ago.
It wasn’t Eldrin.
She wanted to rip them off his face and toss them in the dirt.
“I did say that because I thought it was true,” Stone said.
“I was wrong.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry.
But it wasn’t your fault. That boy was dead long before the Strix found us.
” He pulled out one of the Ravki maps, unrolling it between them.
“We need to keep moving.” He pointed to a spot on the map, a tiny insignificant set of hills that could also be easily an ink blot from one of Desmond’s quills.
“We’re here,” he said, “but we need to at least crest this ridge by nightfall.”
Aesira took her time studying the map. The locations were in a language she couldn’t read. All but the one word she’d come to know well over the last two weeks.
Ravki.
The ridge Stone pointed to looked roughly a half mile past a perfectly flat base.
“What difference does it make if we crest the ridge tonight?” She handed back the map. “We should save the incline for when we’re fresh in the morning. Sleep somewhere flat and protected by the base of the ridge.”
He shook his head. “Tonight,” he said. She was too tired to argue.
“Fine.” She pointed to the map in his hand. “Is this something you learned in one of your books? To read maps and this–language–whatever it is?”
Stone rolled the map and placed it back in his pack. “Yes,” he said. “Though it’s easier to learn than it looks.” He stood and offered his hand, which Aesira took.
Lightning buzzed in her fingertips and for a brief moment, she forgot her promise to herself. That she was here to find Desmond and that was it. For a moment, she was back at the tavern or on the ship or in the rain but when Stone squeezed her hand, everything came crashing back.
“Commander…” She pulled her hand away and brushed it off on her pants.
“Easier than it looks?” She drew the conversation back to safety. Not of Stone or her and how often they found themselves entwined.
The map. The mission. Desmond.
Stone cleared his throat. “Our language is a direct derivative of Ravkian, it seems. Or vice-versa, I’m not sure which language came first. The patterns are all there and once you recognize one, it’s easy to decipher the rest.”
Aesira didn’t believe that anything about learning a dead language was easy, but for Stone it might be.
She envied his mind. She had the ability to make calculations on the fly.
To anticipate her enemy’s move. To avoid a strike.
But it was never a skill that came easy to her.
She had to make a conscious effort in training and even now, years after her schooling was complete, it was active resolve, not instinct.
Every so often she felt herself slipping, making decisions with her heart instead of her head. Like last night.
It was precisely what her father would scorn her for when she was younger.
The same reckless behavior that got her thrown into the Order in the first place.
That got Eldrin killed. But Stone, he was smart.
Brilliant maybe, and she could see the gears in his mind turning when he spoke.
Could see how easily he made a decision. How self assured he was.
Her life would be so much easier if she could turn her conscience off. Turn her heart off. It was exactly what the Order wanted from its knights. Cold, calculated. But she failed, even to do that.
The sun faded and the sky turned a cool shade of violet as they reached the ridge. The steep incline of the trek only progressed throughout the day and despite the years of sweat and endurance, Aesira’s legs were burning when they stopped to make camp.
Other than a run in with a few too large scorpions, the day had mostly been uneventful and Aesira counted that as a blessing. Perhaps Celestria was watching after all. “You need a hand with that?” Birdie asked between mouthfuls of canned soup.
Aesira shook out her bed-roll. “No, I’ve got it.”
“You haven’t eaten.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Bee sighed then knelt beside her. “You need to eat. You’re a soldier, you know best how important it is to preserve your strength and energy.
” Shame burned through Aesira, hot and nauseating.
“Here.” Bee handed her a small square wrapped in a white cloth.
“They’re lemon squares,” she said. “Birdie paid a shitload of money for them from Soo, so don’t waste them.
They’re packed with nutrients and don’t taste like shit," she said, gesturing to Birdie's canned soup.
“I can’t take these from you—" Bee and Birdie were already walking away, leaving Aesira with the food she didn’t deserve.
The stars from the mountain peak were brighter than in Vargah, no astra lights to dilute their beauty and even though she complained about making the extra half mile of steep terrain, the view was worth it.
The moon crested over the mountain top, thin and sharp. She stared at it and wondered if Kamari was looking at it too. She missed her so much and yet a part of her dreaded going back. Dreaded what they’d find in Ravki. Dreaded what they wouldn’t.
“You weren’t lying when you said you don’t sleep.” Stone slid onto the ground next to her, perching his back against the same tree trunk.