Chapter 29
Twenty-Nine
Aesira
The fire burned and the wind groaned through the trees, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
He reached out, drawing a line down her jaw, tracing her lips with his fingertips. She shuddered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about finding astra,” he said.
She reared back and the curl that was wrapped around his finger sprang free.
“You don’t owe me anything.” The truth doused her heated skin. “We hardly know each other.” There, she said it. The words built a new wall between them, taking the place of the others that had been shattered over the last few weeks.
It was better this way, she reminded herself.
Her time in Vargah would be over the moment they returned.
She would go wherever the Order deemed fit.
Whether that be the temple or a new station.
She would bury the truth about Ravki and Celestria and she would live the remainder of her life stuck in a loop of constant regret.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Stone said, interrupting her thoughts.
He flicked a loose leaf into the fire. “I know that you take your duties seriously.” Aesira snorted.
Anyone who was a knight took their duties seriously, she wanted to say but didn’t have a chance, because Stone kept talking.
“I know that pride and family mean more to you than anything. I know you like your tea ungodly sweet–” She shot him a glare which made him smile.
His hands drifted back to hers. “I know you have many regrets and you never let yourself forget them.”
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers.
“I know the way your lips feel against mine and the noises you make when my hands are on you.” Her stomach dipped.
Skin heated. “I know the way you frown when you sleep and smile when you wake. Like you’re relieved to realize you were only dreaming.
” He leaned back just far enough so he could see her face, using his thumb to tilt her chin up.
“I know you like it when you catch me staring at you. I know you like when I touch you.”
A broken smile slashed across her face when she thought of all the ways she knew him too, then it quickly disappeared when she remembered who she was.
Who he was. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of sweetener in tea.
” Stone’s laugh rumbled deep in his chest and Aesira felt it travel across her skin and down to her toes.
“Perhaps our biggest disagreement, Commander.”
A silence fell between them; just the flames and the wind and the noises Aesira was sure would keep her up the whole night.
There were so many things she could say to Stone.
So many things maybe she should say, but the only words she could think of were, “I do like you.” A blush crept across Stone’s cheeks, a small smile begging to unfurl across his lips. “But that scares me.”
The smile vanished and his shoulders sank and Aesira wondered if she had ever said anything right in her entire life.
“I know.” Stone’s hand was still wrapped in hers, their bodies still pressed tight. “But there aren’t any rules out here, remember?”
“I suppose you would like that.” He laughed again and Aesira committed the sound to memory.
“I like that here I’m not an Odega,” he admitted. “I’m just someone passing through.” Aesira sat up straight and stared at him.
“I like that out here I don’t have to be tame,” she admitted. “I can just be.” Aesira nestled into Stone’s shoulder. It was a nice thought, imagining a world without walls. Without sacrifices. Without punishments.
“I have to ask you something,” Stone said. Aesira peeled herself away from him so she could see his face. “If you had known who I was that night at the tavern…” He watched her and through his glasses, she could see the worry in his eye. “If you knew I was an Odega, would you have let me kiss you?”
Her heart sped up, the guise of who she pretended to be was slipping, slipping. Noble. Fair. Just. But she was none of those things, not really.
“You know what”— he shook his head at her silence—“don’t answer that. It was an unfair question and I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I knew who you were,” she blurted out. “That’s why I…
” She bit her tongue. How could she explain that she pursued him that night because he was just a rebellious itch to be scratched?
A way to lash out from the strict demands of the Order constantly pulling her in whatever direction it pleased.
Stone was a distraction. A way to push back against the rules that defined her.
“I see.” A muscle flexed in his jaw as he focused his attention on the fire.
Did he see? Was he now realizing there wasn’t much good left in her?
That she was something rotten masquerading as something noble?
“I was using you,” she said. “I was upset that the Order sent me a new station. Upset that every moment of my life was–is–dictated by someone else.” Stone sat silent next to her but his eyes softened and he leaned closer.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just wanted to make a choice that was completely my own and I saw you sitting there. With your goggles pushed up in your hair and the grease on your hands and you were laughing at something someone said. Then, you looked right at me and then immediately away and I knew you must be trouble.”
He smiled, the light returning to his eyes.
She didn’t want the new wall between them to grow any stronger. Not when they were just admitting to each other how they felt. Not when she was just admitting to herself how she felt.
She wanted to tear the whole fucking wall down until there was nothing between them at all, but she couldn’t lie to him.
She didn’t want to lie to him. Whatever this was growing between them, she didn’t want to ruin it like she had ruined everything else in her life, even if all they had was this trip. Even if they had to pretend.
He pulled her hand, urging her into his lap.
Her legs straddled either side of him, chills snaking down her spine as his hands worked their way under her shirt, ghosting across the bare skin of her back.
“Commander,” he said, “if there’s anyone I wouldn’t mind being used by, it’s you.
” He kissed one side of her neck. Then the other.
“And for what it's worth, I don’t want you tame," he said. "I want you wild and fierce and terrifying.” He punctuated each word with a kiss and her heart leapt to her throat as his hands slid lower, wrapping around her hips and pushing her tighter to him until their bodies melded together. “I’m at your mercy.” A small scrape of teeth against her throat followed by another kiss.
“So use me. Lie to me. Break my fucking heart. I should be so lucky.” He kissed her lips before pulling back.
Giving her a chance to say no. To walk away.
“Who will we be tonight?” She smiled, lacing her finger around the back of his neck. “A painter, a sculptor, a rogue debutante?”
Anyone but Commander, anyone but Odega.
“I’ll be whoever you want me to be, Aesira.”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “Tonight, I am a runaway and you are my bounty hunter.”
“Oh?” His arms tightened around her. “Does that mean I finally get to use those?” He tapped the restraints on her hip.
“If you can catch me.”
She jumped out of his lap and sprinted away, making sure to head in the opposite direction of the ruins. She could hear him behind her, the fire in the background fading as she wove around a group of trees, finding one to hide behind.
Anticipation curled in her stomach as Stone’s boots crunched through the fallen twigs on the ground. His breathing was heavy and she wondered if it was because of the run or the reward that’d be waiting if he caught her. He took another step, inches away, before she bolted again.
Darting around another tree, Stone’s footsteps faded behind her. She slowed her pace, giving her lungs a break, when a large hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling her to the ground.
Stone fell on top of her, his chest heaving, pushing into hers. “Caught you.” He slid her other arm up, pinning both wrists above her head. “Awfully pretty for a runaway.”
Her lips crashed into his, a new fierceness blooming in her chest. He loosened his grip on her wrists so she could pull her hands free.
She snaked them through his hair, holding him as close to her as she could.
Stone’s lips were demanding. Desperate. His hands grabbed at her, the rough calluses scraping across her skin.
She rolled her hips forward, looking for any kind of friction, any way to be closer to him.
He cupped the back of her neck and kissed her again.
His lips trailed over her neck, her chest, her mouth.
She rocked her hips up again and Stone moaned, like he was in agony.
But she was too. Agony that there were too many barriers between them.
Clothes and layers and weapons. Duties and demands and stations.
Pleasure and need pulsed between her legs as Stone rocked against her and she against him.
“Stone,” she whispered against his ear and she felt his body shake. He climbed off of her so they were side by side. Then, slowly, his fingers trailed down the front of her shirt.
“Do you like when I kiss you here?” He kissed a line down her throat, coaxing a moan out of her. “What about here?” He pulled her shirt down just enough to kiss over her chest.
“What else happened in your dream?” His lips paused against her skin, his hands tensing around her hips.
“How about I make you a promise,” he said, sliding his hand lower, lower, her breath hitched when he stopped right at the edge of her pants. “When we get back to the ship, I’ll show you everything that happened in my dream.”
The need for him to touch her was growing so desperate, she clawed her nails into his arm just to keep from touching herself. He kissed her pulse then his fingers dipped below her pants and she closed her eyes.
More, she heard herself saying. She needed more. More time. More of him. More everything.
He slid his fingers slowly, circling, building her up. It was more than they’d ever touched before, and still it wasn’t enough. “When was the last time someone made you feel good?” His whispered words were warm against her chilled skin.
Right now, she wanted to say because truthfully she couldn’t remember. All other thoughts flew right out of her head, all she could focus on was his hand, right now.
She sucked in a sharp breath as Stone dipped his fingers into her, his lips pressing against her neck. “A long time,” she admitted, then he kissed her again, hard enough that when they broke apart she gasped for air. His lips tipped up, his scar pulling taut.
“I want to touch you,” she said but Stone was busy, his fingers moving and lips kissing, the weight of his body pinning her to the ground. In this game, he was in control.
A distraction, she once thought of Stone. Just a distraction. Then his fingers circled that spot that made her see stars and he whispered all the things he wanted to do to her, all the ways he pictured having her and she knew there was no going back after this.
They had been through so much in so little time and even though she wanted to, she couldn’t deny how she felt.
Couldn’t deny that when he kissed her, it felt right.
She’d show him the broken parts of her, all of her ugly truths, and he desired her anyway.
Even if it would never end well, even if their lives were more opposite than night and day, even if they had to pretend to be other people, at least they had right now.
“Yes,” she gasped, which earned a moan from Stone, his teeth sinking into her neck, the sound vibrating through her.
She moved her hips in time with the thrust of his fingers, and then she was crashing over the edge.
Her breathing came in desperate, heavy pants.
When she came back down, he kissed her shoulder, her throat.
She smiled and Stone kissed her again, softly, slowly.
Like they had all the time in the world.
“Not bad, bounty hunter, but you didn’t even use the restraints. ”
A pained look crossed Stone’s face. “Oh, fuck,” he said through a laugh.
“I was too distracted by the beautiful woman underneath me.” He moved to button her pants then pulled her to her feet, sweeping her hair from her face, smoothing her shirt.
“Don’t think I’ll forget you giving me permission to tie you up. ”
“Don’t think I won’t ask you to.” She nipped at his bottom lip.
He smiled and tucked her under his arm. “Where did you come from, Aesira Zeliath, and how do I keep you?”
Her heart skipped as the implication of his words settled around them.
How do I keep you?
She wished she knew the answer.
Stone kept his hand in hers as they walked back to camp and for whatever reason, that felt more intimate than what they’d just done.
Stone stroked her hair and pecked a kiss to the top of her head as she settled in his lap. She knew by the creaking spine that he’d flipped open his book and when he began to read aloud her shoulders relaxed and her mind drifted to some faraway place.
Her eyes grew heavy but when she was about to close them and let Stone’s voice lull her to sleep, there was a flicker of light in her periphery.
It was bright, luminous. She sat up and rubbed her eyes.
Then she saw it. A ball of glowing light floating out of the ruins.
Then another. And another. “Do you see that?”
“What is it?” He traced where she pointed across the darkness.
“Are those Lunaris moths?” It couldn’t be. They only hatched on the Polaris Ridge, according to Stone. One of the balls of light floated closer, the purple pulsing in the darkness.
“I think it is.” Stone held out his hand, a safe landing for one of the tiny moths.
Aesira’s eyes went wide. “How are they here?” The tiny moth drifted off of Stone’s hand and Aesira followed its path back to the ruins. Her stomach dropped and her breath caught in her throat.
Hundreds.
There were hundreds of them glowing and ascending from the ruins.
They floated in swarms, all moving together like a solid beam of light over the open field.
Aesira trailed their movements, and when there were enough of them to light up what she thought was an empty field, her mouth fell open.
In the distance a deep roar echoed up from the ruins.
She gripped Stone’s arm, eyes transfixed on the field.
It had transformed under the glow of the purple light from the moths and the moon, highlighting rows and rows of glowing, golden flowers. Just like the one in the ruins.
Astra.