27. CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 27
“ I ’m sorry, Gideon, I truly am, but you’re out of time,” said Catherine Moss, Dean of the College of Psychic Arts, and now the recently elected Mayor of Philadelphia as well. She wore a sympathetic expression, but there was no changing her mind. “All portals are to be closed immediately per global agreement. You know this. No exceptions, I’m afraid, for personal relationships.”
Mayor Moss, along with several City Council and Portal Committee members including Gideon and Vikkras, stood in a quiet cluster at the back of Revolution Hall, where a Council meeting had just wrapped up.
In the two weeks since the Prometheus Group had revealed themselves on the Fourth of July, word of the threat had crisscrossed the globe, culminating in an international summit in London that took place the past weekend. The obvious decision to immediately close all the portals had been made, and a plan formulated to begin the process of investigating the mysterious, threatening entity from World Two.
Since, as far as anyone knew, the Philadelphia portal had thus far been the only location targeted, their local city government was taking the reins with the investigation.
Benjamin’s death left too many questions. Who exactly was behind the Prometheus Group? They’d already learned it was a World Two global conglomerate with a supposed focus on science and technology, though clearly there was a secret, likely illegal, underbelly to their activities. As Matthew had done his best to explain, there were layers upon layers of different companies and interests that made up the monstrous organization. It was going to be a monumental effort to put any individual human face on the people who had specifically been involved in the kidnappings.
Which begged the further question, who had originally been in contact with Benjamin? It had to have been someone with regular access to the Philadelphia portal, but Matthew had been using every resource available to him to find out about Prometheus without much luck. As well connected as he was, he could barely get a foot through the front door of the high-security facility located in the suburbs of Philadelphia. And with use of the portal now so restricted, the investigation would be that much harder.
It also posed a big problem for something equally important to him, and infinitely more personal.
“You do understand, don’t you, that the portals must be used to a certain extent in order to act as a pressure release valve?” Gideon crossed his arms over his chest, not so much a defensive posture as an effort to keep his emotions in check. Because what he was feeling right now seemed an awful lot like a slow-motion ride into panic. “Otherwise, we’ll end up with random thin spots and people disappearing through them again. We must continue a modicum of back and forth activity.”
“And we will,” the Mayor continued. Her black hair was pulled into a tight chignon today, and she wore a large aquamarine brooch at her blouse collar, over her communication chakra. “As we already decided at the London summit. All the portals will have routine crossings to their matching gateways on the other side for exactly that purpose. They’ll be regularly scheduled with authorized people only. You were at the meetings, Gideon. You already convinced everyone.”
Vik cast a concerned side glance at Gideon before taking a step forward. “The Philadelphia portal is going to need a bit more flexibility than that. We’re at the hub of the investigation, and we’ll need to access some of our well-trusted colleagues on the other side.”
The Mayor nodded once. “I understand. And we’ll work out a system to carefully allow for that access. On a very limited basis.” She stepped forward and placed a hand on Gideon’s shoulder, her voice softening. “Believe me, I realize you have a lot more at stake here than just the investigation. I understand the horrible timing of this for you, and I’m truly sorry.” She dropped her hand when Gideon tensed. “As one of our most valued citizens for so very many reasons, I wish we could grant you the favor of taking the time you need with your relationship. But you must realize how it would look to the rest of our citizenry for your woman, or you, to continue going back and forth at your leisure.”
Gideon stood silent a moment, staring down at his feet, before finally looking back up and acknowledging his colleague. “Yes, of course. I appreciate your point of view, and I agree with your assessment of the situation.” He truly did.
And because of that, he was torn in two. Like he was being cleaved asunder by a hatchet.
“Look, we’ll give you a few weeks,” she said. “Enough time for Miss Cross to wrap things up and prepare for her transition should she decide to go forward with that. I’m sorry, Gideon.”
They shook hands as everyone except Vik headed off.
“Can Lexi not decide immediately?” Vik asked, the two of them pausing to let the others head out first, waiting to follow so they could talk with privacy. “My God, it’s asking a lot of her, I know. But she’s a special woman, brother. She’s incredibly brave.”
“That’s just it. With every passing day that she can’t get a vision of her future, the colder her feet get.” The hall now emptied, they stepped out into the warm night. “Right about now, her toes are pretty chilly.”
“Damnit.” Vik said as they turned down Fifth, walking toward Gideon’s home. “If it wasn’t for the hysteria that’s gripping the town, we could probably get Catherine to grant you more time. But now, whenever a husband comes home from work fifteen minutes late, his wife goes into a panic.”
Gideon nodded, understanding well the situation, but resenting it all the same. “She feels that with all eyes on her as the new head of this city, she needs to show the population everything’s under control. It doesn’t matter that no one else has been taken as far as we know, or that our precogs aren’t seeing any sign of imminent danger to the town. I understand her need. And she’s not wrong.”
The pleasant stroll home did nothing to help Gideon’s stress. He was going to have to talk to Lexi immediately. They didn’t have a day to spare.
His chest burned with acid at the thought of that conversation. If he couldn’t convince her to take the leap of faith, then…
“Should I have Alana talk to her?” Vik asked as they stopped in front of Gideon’s home. “A reassuring woman to woman chat might be helpful. Especially with Alana… er… talking.”
“No. I appreciate the thought, my friend, but we can’t voice Lexi into this decision.”
“Of course. You’re absolutely right. I just…” Vikkras stood there, shuffling his feet and fumbling for words. “Alana and I both adore her, G. And we love you. If there’s anything we can do to help her make this decision, we’re here for you.”
With a fullness in his chest and a lack of words in his mouth, Gideon hugged his closest friend. “I know. Thank you.”
He stepped inside, lighting the candles with a wave, and checking the clock on the mantle. Still early enough in the evening. He should change clothes and cross over to her world. This was a conversation that couldn’t wait, and would be best done in person.
As he began to climb the stairs to his room, he felt her knock on his mental door. The soft brush across his mind that always tickled, made him smile, and somehow, strangely, even smelled good. Like she was standing right before him.
He sank into an overstuffed chair in his room. Apparently, the conversation was happening now, telepathically. He might as well jump right into the deep end of the pond.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Her mind embraced his with longing. But there was also a nugget of fear that startled him, having grown larger, like a cancer, even since they’d last spoken.
“Hi, Gideon. I miss you. Between my trip to Phoenix and yours to London, we’ve only seen each other in the flesh twice in the last two weeks.”
Relief washed over him. At least she still wanted him, despite her fear.
“Indeed. I do need to see your flesh very soon.”
She laughed, and the sudden thought that he might not be hearing that laugh for rest of his life turned his muscles rigid. He rose and began to pace.
“Do you want to get together this weekend?” she asked. “If you want, you can come here. I’ll introduce you to all the best food from my Philly. I’m guessing you’ve never had a cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz.”
She was babbling, which he knew by now meant she was nervous. But why now? Had she made her decision and was afraid to tell him? Maybe his own bad news was already a moot point.
He made to lighten the mood. “I’m wondering exactly how something termed ‘Cheese Whiz’ could possibly be a food item. ”
“It’s not really.” He sensed her smile. “But if I’m going to leave all this behind, I’d better load up on it now, even if all the artificial food coloring makes my hair fall out first.”
He coughed, his eyes going wide.
“I’m kidding,” she said, and her laugh soothed him.
As had her comment: If I’m going to leave all this behind.
“Lex, does this mean you’ve had a vision of the transition process?” Maybe he’d misread her babbling after all. Maybe it was pure excitement. He crossed his fingers like a schoolboy.
“Actually…”
Hope bloomed in his chest and he sat up straighter.
“This morning I tried again, and for the first time I did see something, but I don’t think it helps at all.”
“Tell me.”
“First, let me ask… where did you plan on the transition taking place? Where would I be as I went through it?”
“My intention was to talk through the details with Roberto when the time came. But I assume we’d most likely be at my home, probably on the bed where you’d be as comfortable as possible. Why?”
“Hrmm. Yeah, that’s kind of what I thought.”
“Lexi.”
“The only thing my vision showed me was my wrist, without a timer on it. I was lying in your bed, under the sheets. There were beautiful candles everywhere. All I saw was the bed canopy overhead, and both of my wrists were free of the timer. I didn’t see anything else. The problem is, Gideon, that image could be taking place after I’d completed the transition. An image of me living in your world, free of the timer, lounging in your bed.”
He let out a huge breath at the thought. There wasn’t anything he wanted more in the world than that.
“On the other hand,” she continued, “it might simply be an image of moments before the transition, when there’d be no need of the timer, and the painful process had yet to begin. In which case, it tells us nothing of the end result.”
And she was right.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
“Gideon? Don’t worry yet. We have time to wait and see. I’ve been practicing some very deep meditation along with my psychic skills. It might help bring a clearer vision. Or at least help control my fears. In the meantime, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing, right? I mean, it’s not like you’re getting any older.”
She laughed at her joke, but he couldn’t even pretend to join in, and she wouldn’t be laughing soon. There was no way he could postpone telling her. She was asking him now. And he had an answer now.
He told her. Everything that had transpired in his world. The summit in London. His meeting with the Council. Their personal deadline as laid down by Mayor Moss.
Lexi didn’t respond right away. Her face flushed, and he felt it. Her eyes filled, and he felt it. She choked on a sob and…
“Sweetheart. Talk to me.”
“Oh God. Oh God, oh God. Three weeks?” Even via telepathy he noted the rise in her voice’s pitch. “That’s all? We were supposed to have time. Not just for visions, but I have things to take care of. My apartment. I have to tell my parents! What about Dexter?” Her tears fell as her heart rate rose. “We were supposed to keep seeing each other and make sure we even wanted to… to…”
“Alexa.” As he’d hoped, his use of her formal name pulled her out of her mental frenzy and snapped her attention back to him. “As far as wanting to make sure of our feelings, for my part, in case I’ve not made it crystal clear, let me do so now. I love you, and connected mentally as we are, I know all I need to know of your amazing soul. I’m ready to commit to a life with you. ”
Her spirit relaxed, and mentally, they reached out to each other as if in a hug. “I love you too, Gideon. I want to be with you. And in your world.”
He closed his eyes, allowing himself to finally breathe. “That’s music to my ears, sweetheart. We can figure out how to handle your parents and Dexter. We’ll make sure they’re okay. Matthew will help too. I know the timeline has been pushed way up, but if we want to be together, then the rest is just logistics.”
Keeping her in contact with her parents would be tricky given the portal situation, but they’d find a way. And eventually when the panic in his world calmed down, he remained hopeful that use of the portal would become more flexible again. He shared those thoughts with her.
“But none of that changes the other issue,” she said, “which is…”
“The transition.”
“Yeah. I guess at this point it’s coming down to that.”
They were quiet for a long moment. There wasn’t anything he could say to appease her fears in that regard. He shared this particular concern with her, so any words he said to try and ease her worry would be forced and false and she’d know it.
The idea of it going wrong scared him to death. The thought that if, after all of this, she would finally choose to come be with him, attempt the process, only to have it… fail… well, that would be a personal pain and guilt he couldn’t fathom living with for another two hundred years.
“Your thoughts aren’t exactly helping right now, you know,” she said.
Damn telepathy.
“Lexi,” he said softly in her mind. “Honey, I don’t think it’s going to go wrong. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t feel right. You had visions of us together for months before we ever met. And Alana senses that we’re meant to be together, she has from the beginning. If so, then you’ll make it through the transition.”
“But you can’t promise me that, can you?”
“No, of course I can’t. But even Roberto told us it does work most of the time.”
“Yeah, well, tell that to Cassandra.”
Ouch.
Silence.
“So where does that leave us?” He could barely stand to hear her answer. Almost couldn’t hear her with the blood pounding in his temples.
“I don’t know. I’m just so scared. Maybe… too scared.”
Fuck. She was going to do it. She was going to say no. And he couldn’t go through this again.
“Go through what again, Gideon?”
He squeezed his eyes tight, fighting the memories, but he wanted her to be open with him and he had to be willing to ask the same of himself. He opened his mind to her, showing her his past and letting her see the story of his youth.
Though he’d only been a teenager at the time, Gideon had fought side-by-side with his parents in the last uprising nearly eighty years ago. He’d been raised on a powerful belief system focused on the importance of history and the anti-industry choices his world had made. There’d been no question in his household but to take up arms and defend that lifestyle if necessary. And it had been necessary. The biggest battle of their world’s last rebellion had been fought right on the streets of Philadelphia, blood and bodies painting the very roads they walked on today.
Caught off guard by rebels who’d surprised them coming out of a now closed off section of Church Street, he’d been standing right next to his parents as they were both taken down, swords ripping through them. Young though he was, he’d managed to fight back and hold them off before the rebels eventually dismissed him as too young to kill or capture.
Afterward, until his cousin Julian finally found him, he’d lain next to their bodies for hours, knowing that the unborn brother or sister his mother had been carrying had been lost, too. His father had begged her not to fight given her pregnancy, but she’d refused to let her two men go off without her.
It took decades for Gideon to heal enough to get through his days without a constant, raw pain, though eventually he’d been able to get on with his life, finding pleasure and love in his friends, his music, his scientific contributions to their world. But in all the time since, he’d never been willing to let a woman very far into his heart. Never that kind of intimacy. Never someone who could become family, live in his house, grow old with him and eventually… die.
His family home had become a literal brick and mortar fortress against possible future pain. In fact, though no one knew this, whenever he’d bedded a woman since that time it had either been at her home, his club, or some other location. Never his home. Never his bed.
Until Lexi. In such a short time, she’d turned him inside out in the most thrilling way, and he’d been willing to risk it all for her.
“Oh, Gideon,” she gasped. “I had no idea.” He could sense her tears flowing. “Please, nothing’s changed in how I feel for you. I love you. I’d willingly go through all the pain of the process to be with you, without question, if that were the only factor. But the risk… It’s my life we’re talking about here, my possible death. Not yours. Can you not understand?”
“Yes, of course. I do understand, Lex. It’s not fair of me to ask it of you.”
He never should have started down this road with her. Never should have broken his own rules. Good lord, especially with an otherworlder. He’d been incredibly unfair to them both .
“Understand, I’m not mad at you, sweetheart,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m furious with myself! ”
All the bright new colors of his soul began to fade from the world, turning to his familiar black and white once more.
“Gideon, what’s going on over there? I feel you pulling away from me. I don’t understand your thoughts exactly, but whatever is happening, please wait. I haven’t decided anything yet. I’m not abandoning you. I just… I don’t know what to do!”
He stood up, pacing the room, grinding his teeth. He stopped in front of a very old mirror, one his parents had brought from Venice some hundred and fifty years back. Staring at his face for only a moment, he slammed the side of his forearm into it, shattering the glass and knocking the delicate frame across the room.
“What was that?” She was sobbing now. “I’m just so afraid. Afraid of trying and afraid of not trying.”
“As am I. I’m frightened of those same things.”
He stared at the trickle of blood running down his arm from the shattered glass. Bleeding. Like his heart.
“Please, Gideon. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Make the decision for me!”
His eyes flew open wide, his mouth parting on a fast intake of air. She was handing him his future on a silver platter. He simply had to tell her to do it and she would. It could be that easy.
And the absolute wrong thing to do.
“I love you, Alexa Cross, more than you can possibly imagine. Which is exactly why I can’t tell you what to do. You must make this decision for your—”
A white noise filled his ears, a void that spread from a sound in his head to a huge empty space in his gut, like someone had scooped out his insides and left him hollow.
“Lexi? Are you there? ”
She’d cut him off. He didn’t actually see a brick wall, so maybe it was simply their emotions keeping them from connecting, but this was different than the other times they’d been unable to connect. This felt final. Like a limb had been chopped off.
And he’d give anything to have it back.
“Are you there?”
Nothing but a white emptiness.
To say she was stunned would be a ludicrous understatement. His sudden disconnect had come as a fist to her solar plexus, bending her double and forcing a choked, gasping sob from her.
What just happened?
She fell onto her knees in the middle of her bedroom, crying in huge gulps, her hands futilely trying to keep pace with her tears and snot, though the more she wiped, the more they kept coming.
“Gideon, come back! I haven’t said no yet. Let’s talk about it. I’ll come over there. Do you want me to come over there? To talk?”
But there was nothing. Actually, it was worse than nothing. She didn’t see a brick wall, but maybe that had been a figure of speech, because she felt his absence in the most tangible, solid way, like her insides had been scooped out and she was left as a hollow shell. She folded into a fetal position on the floor, gripping the carpet and shaking.
After a few minutes, Dexter came over and sniffed around her, lending his furry support. She scooped him up and snuggled him to her chest, his purring helping only the tiniest bit as she carried him into the kitchen. She set him down and then swallowed a glass of water.
Shocked as she was by Gideon’s sudden disconnect, after what she’d seen of his past, she understood. He was hurting and scared, and she couldn’t help him. Because the truth was, she was unprepared to make this life or death decision right now, and he was right, it wasn’t his job to make it for her. Though this was the last possible way she’d ever want to end her relationship with him, she loved him enough to give him the quick amputation he obviously needed.
She picked up her cell and dialed Margot, but got only voicemail. She didn’t bother to leave a message. Instead she went into her bathroom and splashed water on her face. It wasn’t enough. She got into the shower and let hot water pour over her back while she leaned her forehead to the tiled wall and cried. She stood like that, leaning and crying, until the water ran cold.