3. Chapter Three #2
I play the part as best as I can but it’s my first and last time.
My family is in the audience tonight. I can feel Elena’s kind eyes, Adriana’s bored ones, my mother’s critical ones, and my father’s angry ones.
I know he’s upset I just made a mistake.
The last thing I’m supposed to do is make an embarrassment out of our family.
There’s another pair of eyes I feel.
Intense ones. Powerful ones. Dangerous ones.
Nikolai.
He’s in the front row. No beautiful woman beside him this time. That makes me feel relieved, though I’m not sure why.
I spin faster and faster and faster and each time, my eyes fall back onto Nikolai. He has me under a spell. Directing my dance moves. Helping me get into character.
I pour as much passion into my performance as I can.
The story ends with Giselle finding peace and returning to her grave. And then the curtain closes.
I don’t hear any applause. “Why is no one clapping?” I whisper to Marcus, the male lead.
“It’s in honor of Claudia’s death. Didn’t you get the memo? Camille told us this was going to happen.”
I force my face to remain still. All that effort I put into my dance and no one claps? I know my father must be shaking his head in shame. This is not what he wanted for his oldest daughter.
Despite the show I put on, it all comes back to Claudia. The bitch is dead and she’s still haunting me from the grave.
I walk off stage without showing any emotion. The other ballerinas all snicker. They love seeing my downfall.
Instead of going to the main dressing room, I make a point of going into the private one. Nothing can scare me tonight.
I calmly begin to remove my makeup when a knock at the door startles me. “Come in.”
The door opens and there stands Nikolai.
I stare at him through the mirror and he stares back. Neither one of us moves or makes a sound for a long moment.
He then takes a step into the room, changing the air into something more tense. “I thought you were beautiful tonight.”
A flush forms on my cheeks and I’m not normally someone who blushes. “Thank you. But no one clapped. I don’t know how I did.”
“Does it matter what others think? I thought you were wonderful. I could see how you were straining to put emotion into your dance. You were trying.”
I huff. “Trying isn’t succeeding, is it?”
“You have time to grow and learn and get better. You’ve been sheltered all your life. It’s causing your performance to suffer. But once you gain more experience, you’ll become the best dancer you can imagine. I believe it.”
“Once I gain more experience? In what?”
“Life.” He stalks closer to me and places his hands on my shoulders.
His strong, large hands. They could do damage to me.
Or they could pleasure me. I swallow hard.
“Sex. A woman who knows her body, knows how to dance better. You’ll get there in time.
” With my help, is the hidden implication.
We both know it and yet neither one says it.
“So you’re saying I wasn’t actually very good?”
“You were good. But you can become great. I believe it. And now with that pesky girl out of the way, you have less competition to worry about.”
My eyes snap up to his in the mirror. “You said you had no part in her death.”
“I said I didn’t kill her. Doesn’t mean I’m not happy she’s gone. She was a menace to you. You don’t need that in your life.”
“I feel like you’re a menace to me,” I breathe out.
He smirks. His hands remain like blocks of stones on my shoulders. “I know you were listening to me and your father the other day. You know, don’t you, Lana? You’ll be my wife.”
“So you are a mafia man. Aren’t you?”
“Yes. What gave me away?” he asks with a cheeky smile.
“You don’t work for my father. You work against him.”
“Which is why I want to make a deal. He wants to make a deal too. He’s just a prideful man who likes to take his time on things.”
“The deal is for me to marry you. Why are you against my father?”
“Opposite sides of a war, I’m afraid. Typical mafia business. Nothing personal. But I saw an opportunity to gain even more. After I saw you dance the first time a few months ago. I knew I had to have you, Lana. So I suggested the deal with your father.”
“To have me?” I whisper.
He wraps his hand around my throat. Not squeezing. Just places it there. I hold still like I’m made of stone. But stone can easily crack.
“I knew the moment I saw you,” he says into my ear, “that I had to have you. Your father has made it hard. He didn’t agree to the deal right away like I thought he would. I haven’t been allowed to come close to you. I’ll respect his wishes. But you will become mine in time.”
I tilt my head to the side so we’re eye to eye. Nose to nose. Our lips are so close to touching. “What kind of man are you?”
“The kind who gets what he wants.”
I inhale sharply. The spell he has me under is going to kill me and then I’ll become a ghost just like Giselle. Just like Claudia.
Nikolai lets me go and takes a step away from me. My head feels like I’m coming out of water. “You can become the dancer you dream of one day, Lana. With my help, I know you can achieve perfection.”
“I’m already a technically good dancer.”
“But you don’t have the passion like that other girl did. But you can have it one day.” With his promise, he leaves the dressing room. Turning around, I see a few of the other girls in the hallway. Maria and Ana. Trying to listen in to my conversation with Nikolai.
Their eyes follow him as he walks down the hallway and then they turn to me. Jealousy and rage in their expressions.
“What the hell does he even see in you?” Ana asks. She storms into the dressing room and picks a nail file. “I should stab this into your eye. You wouldn’t be so pretty then, would you?”
I look at Ana, keeping my expression calm. I can tell it only makes her more angry. “If you tried to hurt me, that man would hurt you.” I’m not sure if what I said is a lie or not. Did Nikolai play a part in Claudia’s death? I can’t prove it. And once again, he said he didn’t kill her.
But mafia men have other men do their dirty work all the time.
Ana clenches her fist around the nail file. “You’re not getting Swan Lake. I am. In honor of Claudia. I will win that role.”
I stand up, towering over her. She’s forced to look up at me. “Or I will win it. You never know.” I grab my makeup bag and walk out of the room before Ana can try and hurt me. The anger in her eyes tells me she’ll be willing to try anything.
Maria stops me in the hallway. “Honest question: what does he see in you exactly? We’re all pretty. And frankly, some of us are better dancers than you are.”
“You don’t know what kind of man Nikolai is, Maria. If you did, I don’t think you’d be saying this right now.” I brush past her. I can feel Maria’s eyes on me until I turn the corner.
My family is waiting for me by the back door.
“You were great tonight,” Elena says with a kind smile. She goes to give me a hug but it’s too awkward and she drops her arms.
Adriana yawns. “It almost put me to sleep but you were good, I guess.” That’s the best I’m going to get from my baby sister.
“It was great seeing you in the lead role tonight,” Mother says. “Though, it’s a shame we weren’t allowed to clap. We had to honor that one girl.”
“Claudia did die,” I comment. “It wasn’t a terrible idea.” I still hated it though.
“Let’s go,” Father mutters, ushering us outside into the cold night.
As we walk to our car, other people leave the theater. I can hear them talking… about me.
“The other dancer was better,” one woman says to the man beside her. “Shame she died. This new girl lacks passion. She seemed more like a robot as she danced. I’m sorry the show had to end like this.”
I face forward, my cheeks on fire. Another reminder of how I’m not good enough. Even Nikolai, who’s obsessed with me, doesn’t think I’m the best dancer. Shame fills my chest. A glance at my father shows the anger on his face. He’s embarrassed and I failed him.
“I tried, Father,” I say to him.
“I don’t want to hear it,” he growls. “Just get in the car.”
Ivan is waiting for us and opens the back door. We all get inside. My parents in one row and me and my sisters in the very back.
Adriana is wedged between us and elbows me in the side. “Why do I always have to be in the middle?”
I elbow her back. “Because you’re the youngest. You have to pay your dues. Deal with it.”
“What made you so crabby? You got to play the lead role. Something you’ve always wanted.”
“Just stop talking, Adriana,” I snap.
Elena looks at me over Adriana’s head but I don’t have an answer for her. There’s no answer for the shame coursing through me.
Ivan stops the car at a stoplight. The red from the light enters the car, making everything look like blood.
Blood from the man Nikolai punched. Blood from the cut on my neck and the stains on my dress.
It all happens so fast.
A car drives through the intersection and skids on the ice and slams right into our car. Adriana screams as our car is pushed to the side. I grip her hand, even though I’m not sure it’s much comfort.
Our car ends up hitting another car beside us and that tips us over. The world is sideways before I realize what happened.
Elena is on the side that’s on the ground. The same side Ivan is on. The same side my mother is on.
“Oh my god,” Mother screams. “Someone help us!” That tells me she’s alive at least.
“Elena?” I ask. Adriana is screaming her head off so I know she’s fine. But Elena hasn’t made a sound. “Elena?”
Father calls for help. Ivan is quiet as a mouse… just like my sister.
“Elena?” I ask. I try to look around Adriana but it’s impossible with the car tipped over. I can only wait.
An ambulance and firetruck arrive soon. The firefighters help get me and my father and Adriana out first.
“My sister?” I ask, stumbling on my legs. Miraculously, I feel fine. No injuries anywhere. “My sister?”
One of the paramedics looks me over but I wave him away. “Just get my sister out. Please.”