Chapter 19 You Are Not Alone #2
I tilt my head to the side, my eyes drifting up and down his body. “If what you told me is true, that you are my…”
“Fated mate?” He smiles, taking a seat on the coffee table right across from me. “It is true.”
I nod. I can’t bring myself to say it or admit it might be true, but if that type of connection exists in the world, Kairos wouldn’t be the worst person to be fated for. I can allow myself to admit that much.
“Why can’t I remember you? A part of me feels like I should remember something. And what if my memories never return? Then you’re just left without a fated mate?” I whisper, searching his face, his eyes, his lips for any miniscule reminder of the past.
Leaning his elbows on his knees, he clasps his hands together and stares only at them.
“Not only me. You, too, Nora.” His eyes meet mine, electricity sparking and flashing within them.
“If you never remember then it isn’t only me who is cheated out of the best love of my life, it will be you, too.
We are finding that amulet. We believe Nyx stole it from your mother, but one way or another, we’re getting it back.
And then, you will remember me and if I have any say in it, she will be dead. ”
I can’t speak or blink or look away as he stands and makes his way to the kitchen. I’m a mess. My heart beats so fast, out of fear or excitement, I’m not sure. It’s dying to remember him. I am, too.
“Let’s eat. You need to gather your strength.” He moves around my kitchen like he owns the place, and I settle into the cushions to quietly observe.
All of this is crazy. There are so many questions spinning endlessly in my head, but all I can focus on is him.
The way he moves so gracefully, his black leather such a contrast to my white kitchen.
How his eyes linger on my face as he delicately places pancakes on plates.
No matter what he does, his eyes always return to me.
This man, this immortal celestial being, has saved me.
He comes to the rescue again and again, as if my death means his own heart might stop beating.
There’s so much light around Kairos, the kind that makes me feel like I have light within me, too. Like we all do.
He sets two plates full of food and coffee that smells divine on the table and sits in the recliner across from me. His lips twitch at the edges as he notices my eyes tracking his every move. “Please, eat,” he says, gesturing to my plate.
“Why do I need to gather my strength?” I take a bite of bacon then wrap my hands around my warm mug and take a sip, still watching him the whole time.
“Because we are leaving.” Cutting into his pancake he doesn’t look up.
“Leaving to go where? What if I don’t want to? Will you force me leave?”
“You’re no longer safe here. I won’t force you to do anything, but I think you should come home.” Pausing with his fork and knife in his hands, he glances up, his wings finally appearing for emphasis. “To my realm. To your realm.”
“What the hell does that mean? My realm. This is my home, Kairos.” I set my cup down, glaring at him as he refuses to meet my gaze.
“I would have no realm if it weren’t for you.
I would have nothing. It is most certainly your realm.
” His wings ruffle behind his back as he glances down at my plate.
“Maybe you’ll be a bit less grumpy after you eat.
It certainly used to do the trick.” His crooked, taunting smile is followed by him shoving another bite of pancakes into his mouth.
I shake my head, forcing bites of food into my mouth and choosing to take the high road by pretending he isn’t here instead of arguing.
It’s not him I’m upset with, it’s the situation at hand, but it’s hard.
I don’t want to leave Olivia or Hekate. Ere isn’t speaking to me yet, but I don’t want to leave him, either.
Maybe he just needs time. I don’t want to be alone in a whole new realm.
Kairos’ fork clangs against his plate, and then I feel a gentle thrum of light and warmth wrapping around me. “I know you’re scared, Nora. It’s okay. But you are not in this alone.” He leans his elbows on his knees as I meet his gaze. “I’m with you and I’m not going anywhere.”
“How do you always know what I’m feeling? It’s creepy,” I groan, crossing my legs and leaning away.
Something like pain flashes within his eyes and then he’s running his hands through his hair nervously.
“As your guardian I could sense what you were feeling, but once a fated bond snaps into place, it’s different.
” He sighs heavily. “I feel your fear now. Your pain. Your grief. You’re no longer alone in any of it.
When you remember what I am to you, you won’t be able to ignore my feelings either.
It does feel a bit like reading each other’s minds. ” His smile is forced.
“When exactly did it snap into place?”
“Last night. When I told you the truth. That was all it took for fate to take the reins. It’s no longer just a possibility, it’s our destiny. It will happen.” There’s a truth in his eyes that I can’t ignore and a hope in his words he can’t hide.
He felt it all then as my boyfriend left and ripped my heart in two.
Every jab of pain, every teardrop, and every gut-wrenching pang of loss as I fell apart in my bedroom.
I keep quiet. I don’t want to crush his building hope, not without knowing the truth myself.
For all I know he’s right and we really are fated to be. At this point, nothing would shock me.
“Kairos, Nyx will find me wherever I go. I won’t be safe anywhere, and neither will you if you keep protecting me.” I push my plate away and lean back into the plushness of the couch.
Shaking his head, there’s a dangerous glint in his eyes that makes my heart lurch.
“The moment she comes anywhere near you, Nora, will be the day she regrets every decision leading up to it. I will be there ready and waiting to end her pathetic life. You have no reason to be afraid. In fact, she should be the one trembling in fear.” His smile is wicked and dark, all light around him drifting away.
Life as I knew it before is over. Everything I know about the world I live in is a lie.
He’s right, I am scared. Terrified actually.
I’m scared about my future and of him and I’m scared that the darkness creeping around in my mind will take over completely.
Her darkness. I’m terrified I’ll lose myself and never find my way back.
Maybe I need an escape. If I run so far away that I can’t hear Nyx’s whispers in my mind, too far for her dark power to reach me, maybe I can feel like myself again.
The girl who smiled and laughed without guilt eating away at her mind for being alive while her parents are gone.
The girl who was free of darkness and pain.
Kairos said I’m meant to bring an end to darkness, to be a savior of the realms, but how can I save anyone when I can’t even save myself?
I just want to be free.
The air is heavy, like I’m submerged under water and can’t take a breath. I fear the moment I’ll have to face Nyx; the moment everyone realizes I can’t fight the darkness that’s entangled with my soul. She’ll win this game like she did before. Deep down in my core I can already feel it.
She will fucking win.
“I can’t do this. I can’t face any of this yet, I just can’t.” I stand and rush toward my bedroom, but his arms slip around my waist and turn me to face him.
I’m frozen in silence as waves of green and blue rise and fall, hypnotizing me in his arms. I can’t look away. I can’t run or hide no matter how badly my mind begs me to escape him. In this moment, I don’t want to. Some hidden piece of my soul doesn’t want to.
“I promise to keep you safe. I won’t let her hurt you. Just please…trust me.”
My heart melts and my thoughts scramble to find the right words. “What if I can’t fight the darkness? What if I disappoint everyone? I’m afraid it’s too late for me.” I swallow back the tears, refusing to let him see how weak and lost I truly am.
No one can see. I have to pretend to be strong until I believe it myself. Until everyone else believes it, too. I’m fine.
Taking my hand in his, he brings my palm to his chest and holds it there.
The steady thumping of his heart calms my own.
“Feel how my heart beats for you. Feel it with everything inside of you, that I’m just as afraid as you are.
It’s okay to be scared. Let’s be scared together.
Let’s fight this together the way we always have.
” His gentle words caress my soul, the sensation like licking a wound I didn’t realize even existed.
He’s afraid? This man, with his multiple swords and daggers — who’s capable of taking down whole ass demons — is afraid?
“What are you afraid of?”
“Everything. Losing you again. Losing my people and my home. I’m scared of you refusing to let me protect you when it’s the only thing I want to do.” His eyes snap closed and he shakes his head.
He’s scared of Nyx taking me away from him again, too.
She killed me before. He lost me. He has had to live with that pain for a century and to live through it again would be torture.
God, no wonder he’s so persistent on taking me away.
I would be, too. Hiding out in his realm might be good for me.
Maybe I’ll remember something, anything, that could connect me to my past…
to him. If we loved each other once and are fated to be, then he deserves for me to at least be open to the possibility.
I want to go. I need to know everything.
“I’d like to see your home. I want to see what it is you’re so afraid of losing.” I smile as he lowers my hand from his chest, his eyes flashing with excitement.
Standing here with Kairos, suddenly I’m not ready to die. Those dark thoughts fade away. I want to live. Not only do I want to live, but I want to thrive, and I want to fight until my lungs burst and my heart gives out.
Death cannot take me — not if I take it first.
“Our home, Nora.” He smiles, wide and untamed, and my breath hitches.
I should protest his words, tell him it’s not my home and never will be, but I can’t.
Seeing his power, his happiness, radiate around us in glimmering white speckles of light makes me happy for him.
Even if I never love this man, there’s something that tells me he has suffered more than he’s willing to show, and for that alone he deserves to be happy.
I smile up at him. “Your magic is beautiful. It soothes my worries. I feel safe with you.”
“Don’t let the celestial light fool you.
” He leans in closer. “My power is a rageful beast.” His lips quirk up as I tip my head back and laugh.
“Thank you for trusting me.” Brushing his fingertips along my cheekbone, he tucks loose locks of hair behind my ears then wraps his hand around mine and leads me to my bedroom.
“There’s something you should probably do before we leave. ”
As he comes to a stop at the foot of my bed, he waves a hand and celestial light glimmers across the covers.
My mouth pops open and my eyes widen in surprise as I take in what’s laid out before me.
Black fighting leathers appear like the ones he’s wearing now.
They have the intricate buttons and zippers and the insane amount of loops for holding weapons, just like his.
But this set has a long lacey skirt that fans out from the back of the pants, giving it a girly flair.
It’s the most beautiful outfit I’ve ever seen.
I run my hands across the butter smooth material and something about it feels right.
Like it was made just for me. I look up at Kairos and joy lights up his face, and something about that also feels right.
“Thank you,” I whisper, unable to take my eyes off him.
“Is this what I used to wear? Is this hers? Mine?” Thinking about who I might have been in a past life, how I dressed and acted and felt, sends a wave of exhilaration spiraling through me, like a connection to my past has been made. It’s not much, but it’s enough for now.
I feel her within me. I feel…me.
“It came straight from your closet and there are many more where that came from.” Perched on the edge of my bed, he trails his fingertips across the material.
He scoops the clothes up into his arms and smiles.
“After you get dressed, we’ll leave if you’re ready.
” Shifting his attention to the bathroom in the corner of the room, he pushes the clothes into my arms.
“I’ll call Hekate and Olivia so they can meet us here, and then I’m ready. I want to see them before we leave. Liv is going to be so jealous.” I laugh, turning and heading toward the dim light filtering in from the light above the bathroom sink.
I feel stronger with Kairos. I feel brave and powerful with him close by. I think it’s the way he believes in me, like he sees a light within my soul that lies dormant and waiting to spark to life.
Stopping as I push the bathroom door open, I glance at him over my shoulder, not meeting his eyes. “Please don’t leave. I don’t trust myself being alone with everything that’s happened.”
I hate admitting that I’m vulnerable or that I’m scared of Nyx’s power taking over my thoughts again, but I am.
Right now, I don’t feel her darkness clinging to me the way it did the night on the bridge or when I went for a swim, for the moment I feel like I’ve escaped its clutches.
But I know it’s here, watching and waiting. It always is.
He shifts on the bed, his wings peeking out from behind him.
He doesn’t even blink. He doesn’t hesitate or look away.
He says what’s in his heart, always. “I’ve waited a century to be by your side again.
I’d stay right here forever if you asked me to.
I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” His white light shimmers my way, and I smile as his power nearly drowns me in a colossal amount of positivity and hope.
“Thank you, Kairos.”
For now, I’ll trust his judgement to leave.
I’ll let my safety be a priority even though I’d rather we fight to get my memories back.
He wants me to remember him. If he thought we stood a chance right now, I’m positive he’d do whatever it would take to make it happen.
I’m grateful he’s willing to do what he believes is best for me, even if I don’t agree.
Having him near is like seeing the world for the first time with my eyes truly open.
With Kairos near, I can’t imagine a battle darkness will win, not when only light exists around him.