Chapter 22 Let It Burn #2
“What if their wings were hurt during battle? Or worse, what if they lost them completely?” My mouth hangs open as I watch the rows and rows of celestials practice the move, barreling toward the enemy as one to force them back or knocking them on the ground.
Kairos’ wings shift and flap and then we drop down lower, giving him a better view while he floats on air and watches his Dark Legion in action.
“Our wings typically heal as quickly as our bodies.” He takes a deep breath.
“Celestial daggers will kill us no matter where we’re harmed, but holy fire on our wings mutilates us.
It keeps a celestial alive to suffer an eternity of feeling the loss.
It’s like losing a limb in a traumatic way.
I’m not sure mentally one could ever truly heal.
” Noticing the horrified look on my face and my loss for words, he gives me a small, reassuring smile.
“As far as any of us know, there was only one who possessed that kind of power. A god or goddess. Like all the others, we don’t remember what they look like or even their name, only that they existed.
They could be dead for all we know. Holy fire isn’t a power anyone else has ever wielded. ”
“It has happened before…” I murmur more to myself than him, but he nods his head anyway.
“Only once. To Nyx,” he replies, and as my boots hit the ground a wave of nausea crashes into me at the mention of her name.
My body feels weightless, like a shell of a person stands here as my mind drifts somewhere far away.
The saying ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ seems fitting for what the gods did to Nyx.
She isn’t going to just give up on me. She’s going to do whatever it takes to get me under her spell, to use my power against the ones she feels wronged her.
The ones who stood by as the gods took her wings.
Her coming after me can’t only be about some crazed thirst for power, it must be about much more.
It’s about vengeance and destroying the realms like they destroyed her.
Being here makes me a danger to this entire realm.
She’ll find a way in. She’ll find a way to hurt the ones I care about until I have no one left. Until there is nothing left.
Celestial warriors shake my hand and greet me one after the other.
They all say ‘darkness guide me,’ so I reply with ‘gods save me,’ the way I’ve learned I should.
One after another after another. As soon as one of them step away, I forget their name.
There’s so many of them. I repeat the few names that stood out in my mind, hoping to at least remember a couple.
Josephine. Bailey. Ananthe. Fuck, I’ll forget those too as soon as the next wave steps forward to greet me.
The emblem on their chests, the wings with the sword down the center, glistens and mocks me as they stoop to bow at my feet and welcome the Divine One home.
The Divine One who will one day undoubtedly be their undoing once Nyx gets ahold of me.
I want to go home. To my real home. This is all suddenly too much. I have no energy left and my head is throbbing by the time we finally head back to Kairos’s home.
“Why are we not flying? It would be so much faster,” I groan as we make our way up the grey brick path leading to his house at the top of the hill.
His pace is slow and steady, unrushed and unworried, as he loops my arm through his and places his warm hand on top of mine.
“It would be faster, yes. I thought you might like the fresh air and the silence after so much stimulation. I know it was a lot meeting each of your soldiers. I felt your anxiety and fear, but you held it together so well.”
I freeze, forcing us to a standstill as I process his words. “Kairos, what if I can never be her again,” I breathe out, unlooping my arm from his. “We don’t know if I’ll ever have my memories back. I might never remember these soldiers or this realm or even myself.”
He takes my hand, caressing the top of it with his thumb.
“I know you’re struggling to believe any of this without your memories.
I can’t even begin to imagine being in your shoes, but as soon as you stepped into the Realm of Darkness, we all felt the rush of divine light entering and your soul coming home.
You are Hemera.” He brushes the back of his fingertips across my temple and then down my cheek and smiles.
“Nora and Mera are not two separate people or beings. You are one and the same. All you’re missing are your memories, and they will be returned to you one day. We just need to have a little faith.”
He’s right. I am struggling. I don’t feel like some magical divine being like everyone believes I am.
I just feel like me. Nora. No one else. I’m not only missing my memories, I’m missing the power I had before that makes everyone so sure I’m something special.
Right now, I’m just a mortal. Until I die, apparently, which means for now and while I’m here I’m useless to Nyx.
That, at least, brings me a little comfort.
I push back my shoulders, willing hope and happiness into my heart, knowing now isn’t the time for doubt or fear.
I’ll be strong and brave for him. For Kairos, I’ll do many things, because I know he’ll do anything for me. The man is a saint.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day. A long week.” I sigh. “I’ll be okay,” I nod, remembering what he told me that first day here about fear.
I will not let fear of failure or fear of the future rule my mind.
“It’s just a lot of pressure and I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” I whisper, facing forward and putting one foot in front of the other as he follows my lead.
My whispered words carry so much more meaning than he realizes.
It’s not just the soldiers I worry about disappointing, I fear disappointing this entire realm and everyone in it.
I worry that I’ve already disappointed Ere by being who I am, and it won’t be long before I disappoint Hekate and Olivia, too.
If someday I have to permanently leave them to live out my life here, I’m not sure how they’d feel.
And then there’s Kairos, looking at me with hope in his eyes and trust in his heart, even knowing Nyx can use me as a weapon against them all if she one day chooses to.
How the hell do I not let everyone down?
Kairos offers a tight-lipped smile. “You have never disappointed us, Nora. You never could. Trust me.” His wings shift behind his back and the feathers glisten as the blue stars made of my divine light peek out from behind dark clouds.
The torches imbued with celestial light that line the pathway here and surround each house flash to life as the last of the sunlight fades away. Darkness was not allowed to exist here even for a second. It sensed it. It felt it. It immediately chased it away.
“I trust you, Kairos. It’s myself I don’t trust,” I admit, pinning my eyes on the marble steps coming into view.
“You’ll learn to trust yourself.” Clasping his hand around mine, he pulls me to a stop in front of the steep steps leading up to the front door.
“I was created with darkness and it’s not going anywhere. I’m fated to carry it with me until I no longer exist. How could anyone trust me? Why would anyone even create me? Nyx was born with the same darkness within her and look what became of her.”
He pauses, turning to look at me with furrowed brows.
“Sometimes being so close to something gives you an advantage—a way to learn it’s weaknesses and eventually control it.
I believe you’re better equipped to take it down than any of us since it runs in your blood.
” His eyes drift away to the celestial orbs of light that have taken over completely now that the day has come and gone.
“Darkness believes you belong to it, but I believe your fate is dependent on what you choose. Whether ultimately you let it win or choose to let it burn.”
Making our way up the steps, a tight knot of fear coils in my gut, because as soon as he says those words, I feel the darkness within trying to push its way back up to the surface.
I had convinced myself it couldn’t reach me here, that I was safe, but I’m not.
Maybe none of us are. I take a deep breath and hide the shock and terror with a smile.
I don’t want him to know that I feel it returning.
Or that it suddenly feels like the light here is only a temporary shield that will soon be useless against it.
The shield is cracking. It’ll soon splinter to pieces, letting darkness completely consume me.
Even with Kairos next to me in this realm so far away from Nyx or The Underworld, I feel darkness calling my soul back home.
Although, it is much easier to ignore with Kairos’ endless positivity and his shield of light that he keeps around me.
But darkness hasn’t given up on me yet, and I don’t believe it will.
“I choose to let it burn,” I tell him as he opens the door, and we step through together.
Something deep within smiles wickedly at the lie I tell him and at the lie I tell myself. I feel her dark power creeping closer, hissing and unfurling as it pulls back to strike. I will never escape her. I shake my head, trying to clear the thoughts that I’m not sure are even my own.
This is not your home. You do not belong here. You should be where darkness reigns and shadows chase the light.
I shouldn’t be here. I led the celestials straight to darkness once and their black wings are proof of that.
The reality, whether Kairos wants to admit it or not, is that I could very well become just like the Queen of Darkness.
Just an evil, vile creature who haunts and tortures for fun.
If Nyx takes full control of my mind and my power, then there’s no hope for me left.
Maybe one day my wings too shall burn with holy fire.