Chapter 26 He Is Everything #2
I place my hand on his chest, his heart thudding against my palm just as fast as mine beats now.
He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes.
I lean against him, eyes closed too as we enjoy this moment and give our lungs and hearts time to recover.
I feel the smile on his lips without having to look, the heat from his mouth brushing against me as his lips part so close to mine.
I never want this moment to end. His eyes gleam with happiness, a look of pure peace settling across his features.
It’s a look I’ve never seen him give anyone before.
It’s a look just for me.
Reaching up, I wipe rain away from his eyes and giggle as he shakes his head back and forth, splashing me with the water that clings to his thick hair.
I slap his shoulder playfully and he laughs, wrapping his arms around my waist and laying his head against my chest, squeezing me and holding me against him as if he’s the happiest immortal man in the world.
Then he looks at me, all laughter gone and the playfulness drained from his eyes.
“Tell me you don’t feel what I do. You’d be lying to us both, and you know it.
This is fate.” His whispered words and the gentle, caring way he brushes rain off my cheeks with the back of his thumbs snaps me back to the truth.
The truth of what I have to do. Now more than I ever, I want to keep him safe. I want him to live. I want him to never have to hurt or suffer again. I unclamp my legs from around him and he helps lower me to the ground. Gripping his arms, I force him to let go of me as I back away, shaking my head.
“This isn’t what I want. I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” I swallow, my vision blurring as tears make their way back in.
“Why are you doing this?” His pained voice is barely audible and his shoulders droop as lightning strikes the ground behind him. Even the bolt is weak, no energy left to fight.
I think I’ve broken him. As much as it kills me to see, this is what I wanted. For him to give up, to let me go, to see that we aren’t meant to be or that it isn’t worth it, no matter how much it hurts us both.
The flutter of wings is followed by Mio dropping to the ground in a crouch behind Kairos, glancing first at me and then at him.
He stands upright, tucking his wings in tight behind him.
“I wanted to check on you. Everyone is worried. You guys okay?” He smiles nervously, just a quick curve of his lip before stepping up and standing between us.
“No. I want to go home. Can you take me, please?” I avoid looking at Kairos, though I feel his eyes searing into me.
He’s pissed and I don’t blame him. Our kiss meant something.
It was obvious that I felt it, too, but I made my decision and there’s no going back.
I hate myself for hurting him in the process of trying to save him and his people, but I don’t know what else to do.
He’d never agree with my plan and it’s too risky for him to come with me.
This is something I need to do alone this time.
“Kairos, what’s going on? Talk to me. Are you okay, man?” Mio puts his hand on his shoulder and Kairos immediately shakes it off.
“I’m not okay. Thank you for asking,” he says through clenched teeth, his hands curling into fists at his sides.
“He can’t make me stay. I’m not a prisoner or a hostage. I have free-will.” I cross my arms over my chest, batting my tear-soaked eyelashes up at Mio.
Mio places his palms out in front of his chest, backing away. “Whoa. What the hell did I just walk into? Of course you’re not a prisoner, Nor.” He glares in Kairos’ direction.
Kairos’ eyes widen and his mouth hangs open in shock, but he quickly relaxes his features.
“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do or stay where you don’t want to be.
You’re free to go. Mio will happily take you home, if that’s what you want.
” He nods to his waiting friend and Mio nods back, his eyebrows furrowing deeply as he steps in closer.
“Maybe some time away from each other will be good for us both. I realize you’re going through a lot, but you have thoroughly destroyed what hope I had left for us.
I think I’d rather be alone tonight, anyway. ”
It hurts seeing the light in his normally bright eyes dim and feeling the raging storm suddenly end.
People are wrong about storms. It’s not the calm before or the eye of one that’s most frightening.
The quiet, indifferent silence Kairos’ storm leaves behind is what steals my breath away and terrifies me.
Nothing could ever be worse than this. His gaze lingers on me with words unspoken before he turns and walks away.
He’s giving up. He’s letting me go. His emotions are no longer in turmoil; he’s shutting them off.
He doesn’t want to force me to stay or force me to choose him.
He wants me to make my own decisions so that I’m not angry with him… because he loves me.
He loves me. He fucking loves me. Oh gods, what have I done?
Mio opens a portal and throws his arm over my shoulder as he leads me through. The blinding swirls of blackness and light don’t stop me from turning and looking back, hoping to get one more glimpse of Kairos’ bright green eyes before finding my way to Nyx.
All that remains in his realm is the calm wind, the towering trees surrounded by mountain peaks in the distance, and the heavy emptiness floating in the air.
My heart breaks as I walk away, knowing if things were different that we could be happy.
This isn’t the end. I’ve fought against my feelings for him every single day because of Ere and because I didn’t want myself to fall as hard as I knew I would for him, but it’s too late.
I have officially fallen. One day I’ll have to work my ass off to earn his forgiveness, but I will.
Then again, maybe none of this matters. I’ll be in the Underworld soon and maybe I’ll never find my way out of darkness.
I pray to the gods that I will. Though if it’s true that the gods have abandoned the celestials, then most likely they’ve abandoned me, too.
As the portal snaps closed behind us, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, not wanting to see it all without Kairos here beside me.
The further we get from him the more broken and alone I feel.
I bet he feels it too, the distance I’m forcing between us.
I could be wrong. He could feel nothing at all for me anymore.
I hope if nothing else he remembers how it felt to kiss me. How I felt kissing him, too. He has to know I felt everything.
Even in death, I will cherish that moment until the end.