Chapter 32 Sweet Numbness #3
“It killed me, Nora, to walk out your door that night and pretend I wanted nothing to do with you. If I told the celestials the truth then, they would not have trusted me. Hell, they probably would have killed me. Kairos taking you away was the only thing that made sense. If I lost you, if Nyx got her hands on you, I might as well be dead myself. I’d have no reason to go on living.
” He stands, making his way back to his original seat and picking up his fork and knife, no longer focused on me.
I can’t pull my eyes away as I take in everything he’s just told me.
He has been stuck here for a century with her?
A century of forcing only numbness into his heart to avoid any pain she might like to cause.
That’s torture. It’s cruel on so many levels I can’t even begin to understand.
I hate her. More than anything, more than the lies I’ve been fed and the pain she has already caused me, making Ere suffer and holding him captive here for an entire fucking century might be the worst thing she has done of all. I want her dead.
“Why you, Ere? What was her interest in you in particular? She could have forced this on anyone if she really wanted to hurt me or get me here. Kairos who is my fated mate or Hekate who was my best friend even in the past. What is it about you—or was choosing you a random, thoughtless decision by her?”
“It was not random,” he says, his eyebrows furrowing as he thinks for a moment.
“She loved Hekate and I believe deep down a part of her still does. And Kairos,” he growls his name like it’s the worst sound to ever pass over his lips.
“Torturing Kairos, she believed, would have done little to hurt you. If only she knew how you’d fall for him this time around.
You see, you never loved him before.” He scoffs, his head shaking slightly as he averts his gaze back to his plate of strange, blackened food.
He sits his utensils down, sighing loudly and placing his head in his hands.
“What do you mean? Kairos believes we’re fated mates and Mio told me we spent fifty years together. The entire realm believes we’re meant to be. That we were once together.”
Slowly, he raises his head, pushing his shoulders back and tucking his wings in tight behind his shoulders.
He takes a deep breath. “Kairos is not your fated mate, Nor. A few heartless, bitter gods have fooled everyone into believing what they want them to believe, but I remember the truth. Nothing happening within the realms is how it should be. It is all a lie. Once we get your memories back, you will remember, too. That is why helping you was so important to me. I need you to remember. I am tired of being king in a realm ruled by her and tired of being a pawn in the gods games. I am sorry for what has happened to you and what led you here to me, but what I am not sorry for is having you by my side now. With me is where you have always belonged.”
My light, my flame, open your eyes.
His whispered words within my mind wrap around me like a dark, sweet embrace, and I remember the night of my parents’ deaths and how those same words echoed in my mind then.
Those words are familiar in a way that my heart can’t comprehend, but deep in my subconscious I know they once meant something special to me.
This is all too much. I want to run. I want to scream.
I feel tears brimming at the edges of my vision, but I force them away.
I know I must be strong. Everything will make sense once I retrieve my memories and remember the truth myself.
“So, you can speak into my mind. That’s fun.
” I smile, picking up my fork and cutting into the fluffy, black pancake on my plate.
“So what you’re saying is that the celestials don’t realize they’re lying by telling me Kairos and I are fated mates because they don’t know the truth themselves.
Because the gods are playing some cruel game with us all?
I don’t know whether or not to believe you,” I tell him, taking a tiny nibble of the food on my fork and being thankful when it tastes exactly like the special recipe he used to make for me back home.
It's delicious and not at all as poisonous or sickening as it looks.
“You said we belong together. Did you mean something to me in the past, then?” I swallow and then poke at another triangular piece of pancake.
I shovel it into my mouth, realizing that dying and coming back to life has made me ravenous and empty.
I wipe my lips with the back of my hand, looking up at him as he leans his chin on top of his clasped hands, his elbows firmly placed on the table. “Were we together before? I’m assuming so with how intense and raw your words come out.”
My cheeks redden when his eyes sear into me in silent confirmation.
I don’t know what to believe anymore. For him to tell me everything I’ve learned about my past is a lie is hard to take in, but would it really surprise me?
I’ve been gone for a century. A lot could have gone wrong.
There are gods and royalty and witches and separate realms and magic and no one seems to be who they say they are.
I don’t know who to trust anymore or what the hell to believe.
He still hasn’t told me why he would be forced to stay here with Nyx. Who was Ere to me?
“Nyx forcing me to rule by her side as king was another layer of pain she hoped to cause you. She knows what we are to each other. She knew it would hurt when you found out what she had done to me. Knew it would kill me having a front row seat to her destroying you and breaking you until you become nothing but a shell of magic for her to use as she pleases.” Shaking his head, his eyes meet mine, and the fear and heartbreak within them hint at all the pain he has already been through.
You and I are fated mates, my love. Your memories are just as important to me as they are to you. They are our memories.
I freeze midway through taking another bite of the dark, delicious food.
I didn’t ask why Nyx forced him to rule, I only thought it.
Not only can he speak within my mind, but he can read my thoughts, too.
A part of me is utterly terrified by this, but another part tingles and blazes with excitement. His power is amazing.
I nod, setting my fork down and gazing across the table at him, really looking at him for the first time.
I’m not sure if I’m hoping to see a hint of a lie there, or suspecting that I might, but there’s nothing but confident truth as he watches me.
It scares me to think Kairos could be wrong, that any feelings we had for each other were a lie, but a part of me knows anything is possible in a world where magic exists.
What if what we all know or think we know are lies?
I can’t look away from Ere and his glowing eyes as they burn through my heart and soul.
Here in this moment, a part of me truly believes him.
If Ere is my fated mate, then it makes sense that Nyx would use him as a way to hurt me while my soul waited for reincarnation.
If she could no longer torture me, then my fated mate would be the next best option to make me suffer.
The pieces feel like they’re clicking in place, and more than ever I want to know the truth.
With everyone else so far away, with no one here to stop me from going after Nyx or my mother’s amulet, for the first time I feel like my future and my fate are within reach.
I will find my memories, and if what Ere tells me turns out to be the truth, then Nyx will fucking pay for what she has done to him.
On the other hand, if he is lying and deceiving me to get me closer to her… I will burn us and this entire realm to ash.