CHAPTER 4
The closer they came to Raiden, the more worried Lena became. One more day, that’s all she had left to figure out how she could escape another Raiden claim.
“Try not to worry, Lena,” Aaliyah said, reaching out to touch her arm.
Hating to be touched, it was all Lena could do not to jerk back, but she knew Rafa’s mate only meant to help.
“I’m not going to let anyone claim you, not unless you want to be claimed.”
“I don’t,” Lena snapped. “I’m sorry,” she added quickly when Aaliyah removed her hand from her arm. “This is not your fault. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. You and Rafa both.”
“I wish we could have continued to Liore. The healers helped me overcome my abuse, and I didn’t think it would be possible. I know Gauge tried to help you by blocking the event in your mind, but I think that might’ve been a mistake.”
Lena frowned, glancing over at the dark-skinned beauty sitting next to her. “Why?” She would have preferred to never remember.
Aaliyah rubbed thoughtfully above her upper lip, then leaned forward. “Let me ask you something. Is that okay?”
“Of course.” Lena waved her hand in the air, irritated by the question, though she wasn’t sure why. People could ask her anything. It didn’t mean she had to answer.
“Do you remember how you felt before Ngozi tried to claim you? You were happy then, right?”
Pain exploded in Lena’s chest, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the counter, afraid she might vomit.
“Take big, deep breaths. I think you’re having a panic attack.
” Aaliyah reached out to touch her shoulder.
“I’m not trying to intentionally hurt you, Lena.
It’s just . . . I don’t think it’s possible for you to completely block out what happened.
Gauge may have blocked the actual memory, but the emotional toll it took on you remained.
I’m willing to bet, even before the memory block failed, you weren’t really happy, not like you were before.
You’ve just been surviving the best you could these past few years. ”
Lena sucked in a quick breath, surprised by the female’s insight. “How did you know?”
“Because I’ve been where you are now. “I’m not sure what the Lian healers did to help me, but I know they didn’t erase the memories of my abuse.
They’re still there, but the pain, the fear, the shame, they’re all tolerable now.
I can look back on it and know there was nothing I could do to stop what happened to me, and I also know none of it was my fault.
Just like what Ngozi did to you wasn’t your fault. ”
Lena jumped up, putting distance between her and Aaliyah. “But you don’t know! You don’t know everything! Nobody does!” Because it was her fault. Because of her ignorance, her stupidity, she’d gotten her personal guard killed. She’d put herself in a position to be claimed by the crazy prince.
Aaliyah frowned. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
“No.” She would never admit what she’d done to anyone.
“That’s okay. Just know I’m here if you change your mind. But I want you to think about something, Lena.”
“What?” she whispered, wishing she could stop thinking, period. Wishing Liyah would just go away and stop pressuring her.
“It’s taken me a long time to try to come to terms with this.
It’s in our nature to want to understand why things turn out the way they do.
Why somebody would even want to hurt someone else.
Lena, sometimes there’s just not a rational explanation, and even if there were, I’m not sure it would help.
People like Ngozi, like my uncle, they don’t think the same way we do.
There’s something missing inside them. I think the only way they can feel anything is by hurting someone weaker than them.
I think deep down, they want us to be as broken as they are. ”
If that were true, then Ngozi had succeeded. Lena didn’t know if she could be any more broken.
“I’ll leave you alone now. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where I am. Try not to worry about going back to Raiden. I won’t let anyone hurt you. If they try, we’ll leave again. They can work out their own problems without us.”
Lena frowned as she watched the small female turn and walk away, the beads in her braided hair clacking softly. She might want to help, but what could this one tiny female possibly do against the might of Raiden warriors? Her case was hopeless, and she had no one else to blame but herself.
Overwhelmed, Lena slumped into a seat and began to cry.
*
Gauge stopped abruptly on his way to the council chambers, overwhelmed with sadness, self-loathing, and hopelessness.
“What is it?” Teo asked.
Gauge ignored him, turning his focus to Lena. “What is wrong, child? Are you hurt?”
“Go away, Gauge. You can’t help me. Don’t you understand?
It’s the Raiden way. Their males don’t care what a female wants.
They only care about themselves. The royals are especially bad.
If the Sabula prince wants to try to claim me, then I think it’s best for everyone if I just let him.
Hopefully, we both die because I’ve already been claimed by Ngozi. ”
“Ah, I see.”
“You see what?” she snapped back, and he could feel her irritation. “You’re male! You can’t possibly see anything!”
“I see you would rather give up than fight for your life.” He needed to tread carefully here or he could push her the wrong way.
“I have lived for a very long time, child. I’ve witnessed just about every despicable act one being can do to another.
It doesn’t matter if they are vampire, shifter, Raiden or Leviathan, there will always be some living among us who are broken beyond repair.
On a subconscious level, they know this.
They are jealous of those who can feel love, happiness, peace, and so they think to break them.
This is what Ngozi did to you. I was inside his head, Lena.
I know what he was thinking. He hated that you had a loving family.
He hated that you had a happy childhood, one denied him.
He wanted to take this from you. He wants to make everyone as miserable as he is. ”
“Well, he succeeded with me!” she snarled. Why is Gauge saying almost the exact same thing as Liyah? Are those two talking behind my back?
He knew she hadn’t meant for him to hear the last part. “I’ve never spoken to Aaliyah, but she sounds like someone I would like to know. You are not as broken as you believe, Lena. If this were true, I would not waste my time trying to help you.”
She sucked in a noisy breath, shocked by his callous words. “Stay out of my thoughts, Gauge.”
“I only speak the truth, child. As I said before, I’ve seen broken, and you are not it. We’ve all done things we wish we could change. You trusted Ngozi when he approached you. There was no way for you to know he would betray that trust.”
“If I had listened to my father’s warnings, the serpent guard with me would not have been killed. I would not have been abducted. None of it would have happened. It’s all my fault.”
“You want to change the past, but this isn’t possible. We make mistakes, and we learn from them and go on. Giving up is the coward’s way out, and you are no coward, Lena.”
“How old are you, Gauge? How many terrible mistakes have you made?” She sucked in a shaky breath. “What keeps you going?”
“Older than you can probably comprehend. I admit there are times when giving up on people, giving up on life, sounds very appealing, even for me. Do you really want to know what keeps me going during these darker moments?”
“Yes!” she said, sounding almost desperate in his mind.
“Walk over to the door and look out at Rafa and Aaliyah. Tell me what you see.” He could feel her confusion. “Go, please, child. There will always be reasons for what I ask you to do.”
Gauge almost smiled as he looked through Lena’s eyes at the mated couple.
He knew through his bond with Abby how much Rafa had given up in order to help his mate.
Though Gauge disliked the way Raiden warriors claimed unwilling females, he still respected this particular male.
Aaliyah had suffered much abuse at the hands of her family.
An uncle who molested her for years, a father who beat her mercilessly, a mother who had lost the will to care for herself or her children.
The female had been as broken as Lena felt at one time, but she’d fought to get her life back.
The cost to Rafa had been great. The Lian healers forced him to experience the abuse Aaliyah suffered firsthand.
They’d set upon his strong shoulders the emotional baggage it left behind.
Gauge knew it almost destroyed the male, which only proved how strong Aaliyah had been to survive it at all.
Lena would survive her abuse too. He refused to let her give up.
Gauge let Lena watch them a moment, the soft whispers of love between the couple, the affectionate touches.
“This is what Ngozi wanted to take from you, because he knew this could never be his. He’s not capable of accepting or giving love.
What you need to ask yourself is what you are willing to do for a chance to find this same love for yourself? ”
“I don’t want to be claimed by another Raiden warrior. I don’t want to be claimed by anyone. Ever!”