7. Chapter 7 #2
Liza blinked, her eyes filling with tears too.
Then she pulled me in for another hug, and we sat there, in a tender embrace until the tea kettle whistled in the background.
As she held me, she softly sang the lullaby I’d hummed to her when she’d watched her mother go through the portal.
The same lullaby that had been instilled in me by my ancestors.
Eventually, we both pulled back, dabbing at our eyes.
Liza set to work putting tea bags in china mugs.
I poured water. She stirred in honey and added milk.
We moved in unison like a team, and when I carried the tea over to a small eat-in nook in the kitchen, Liza settled in right next to me, so close our legs were touching as we sipped our tea.
“I’m sorry for asking you about such a grave task,” I said. “I didn’t mean to worry you so much.”
“Of course I worry about you.” Liza picked at her dress.
It seemed she didn’t have a ton of experience expressing emotions either, and this was her way of saying she cared for me.
“I don’t want you to get hurt. The spirits are evil and dangerous.
But I’ll help you, if that’s what you think is right. ”
“I am still asking for your help,” I said.
“I wish I could say that I’ve thought of another way, but I haven’t.
The truth is this, and I owe you the truth if you’re going to be involved: I had an idea to free some of the spirits in the underworld.
If only I can get down there and communicate with them. ”
“Free the spirits?” Liza frowned. “You mean, release them onto a different plane, kind of how you did with the Procession of Spirits?”
“That’s exactly what I mean. Seeing how eager and grateful those spirits were, the ones trapped on our island...”
“My mom.”
I nodded. “They were all so eager to be set free, like it was joy and contentment, like they would be finally at peace, it made me wonder if the spirits in the underworld felt trapped in a similar way.”
“Probably worse,” Liza admitted. “At least here, it was a more neutral environment. The underworld isn’t so pleasant, I imagine.”
“That’s exactly my thought. My hope even. If I can speak to the spirits and convince them to go through a similar portal, to release the spirits into a plane where they can finally rest and be at peace, it could be a huge detriment to the Darkest Lord’s spirit army.”
“That makes sense.”
I was surprised by Liza’s simple agreement. I knew she didn’t want me to go, and yet, I felt somewhat validated after running my plan by her, hearing her quick and fast agreement.
“But in order to do that...”
Liza glanced up at me. “You’ll need to access the underworld.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been thinking of the best way to do that,” Liza said. “And I think we just need one other person on board to make this work.”
“Silas absolutely won’t agree,” I said. “I hate to keep this quiet from him, but he would lock me in a cell before he let me visit the underworld, and I can’t let that happen. If I don’t go, I’m equally convinced we’ll all be dead anyway.”
“You’re right. I won’t tell.” Liza took a sip of her tea. “But that’s not who I’m talking about. I’m talking about Seer Goddard.”
“Seer Goddard?” I felt myself stutter over the words. “But—how?”
“He’s a dreamwalker. I think that’s the safest way to do this,” Liza said.
“It will allow you to visit the underworld without physically going there. Between the two of us—me and the Seer—we should be able to allow your spirit passage to the underworld while keeping your body here. It’s still very dangerous, but it’s a lot less dangerous than sending you there as a whole person. ”
“I had no idea.”
“I don’t assume he tells anyone,” Liza said. “I don’t know him well, but I saw him once, and I knew. Those of us who have been in touch with the spirits in a close way can recognize one another. Just like how I recognized you.”
“Okay. Well, I’m happy to speak with him, but I don’t know where he is. He said goodbye and left the island.”
“No he didn’t. He might have said goodbye, but he didn’t go anywhere.”
I didn’t need to ask Liza how she knew. If she knew, she had a good reason for it.
“Okay,” I said. “As soon as it’s light, we’ll go speak to him.”
“What will you tell Silas?”
I gave a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. But let me figure that out. I’ve asked you to do enough for me, I don’t want to make you lie for me too. You should say I forced you to help me and also to keep quiet. None of this is your fault.”
Liza frowned but she didn’t argue. As we finished the last of our tea, I heard footsteps in the kitchen. Silas pushed open the door. He was followed closely by Lily and Ranger X.
“Good morning,” Silas said in a low voice, his gaze curious as he took in my position squeezed up against Liza. “Everything okay?”
“Great,” I said with a tight smile. “We just couldn’t sleep. There’s hot water on the stove if anyone wants to join us in a cup of tea. Millie’s blend, it’s very relaxing.”
Lily set about preparing three more cups of tea while Silas and Ranger X took seats around the small kitchen.
“What do you think about continuing your work with Dr. Lewis today?” Ranger X looked at me. “He says he has three more prototypes ready.”
I hesitated, and when I spoke, it was so quiet Ranger X had to lean forward to hear me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“No?” He frowned. “But the wards...”
“It’s not enough.” I cupped my hands around my tea.
“I am sure that Dr. Lewis is a genius and could reach a solution eventually that would work to protect this island from spirits. But there’s not enough time to do it now.
We’re in a time crunch, and testing three prototypes a day.
..” I shrugged. “I won’t say it’s a waste of time.
Of course we could have a breakthrough. But I think while he works on the prototypes, my time is better spent elsewhere. ”
“Like where?” Ranger X asked. “Have you another idea that we could help with? Just ask, Alessia, we’ll do anything we can to assist you.”
“I need to return to speak with Seer Goddard.” I figured I’d stay as close to the truth as possible. After all, my visit to the underworld was nothing but a wish. A hypothetical. He could deny me outright, or we could try and find there was actually no way to get there as many people had theorized.
“I thought he left,” Silas said. “He said goodbye.”
“I thought so too, but it turns out he’s still on the island,” I said. “I think he might be able to help me unlock more of my powers now that I’ve officially been crowned. Maybe another visit to The Glade or something similar.”
“I think that’s a solid idea.” Silas nodded. “I agree with Alessia that a mortal fix for Fae wards is not the solution we need.”
“I believe you,” Ranger X said directly to me. “We’ll go with that. I’ll let Dr. Lewis know to keep up the good work but until further notice, you’re indisposed to test.”
I licked my lips and nodded. Ranger X’s implicit trust in my decision was something I’d never had before.
I’d never been allowed to make decisions—to make bad choices and good choices and in-between choices.
Most people ironed out that sort of thing as they tested boundaries in childhood and stretched their wings in college.
I’d marched to the beat of my parents’ rigid drumline and had hardly veered from the path.
But that had led to a lack of confidence in my own ability to make decisions, and the idea that I could just choose something, and that people might actually be interested in my perspective, was novel and, quite frankly, alarming.
But also validating. It gave me a sense of significance that I’d never felt before, like I meant more to this world than a doll dressed up in expensive clothes, floating along and trying to make a difference while being chained to my parents’ rigid ideals.
“Thank you all for your trust in me,” I said. “I’m just trying to help.”
I hoped Silas heard my words and that when, or if, I was able to make it to the underworld, he would replay this moment and see it as an apology. That he could forgive me for keeping my true plan a secret.
That as queen, this was a decision I needed to make in honor of all those who had trusted in me last night.
I had to do what I thought was best for my court.
I had to trust my own gut, my own decision making, my own ability to lead.
If I made a mistake, if I made a grave error, at least I would know I had tried everything in my ability to do right by my people.
My experience in making decisions for myself and having confidence in my own choice was new and flimsy, but if I didn’t trust my intuition now, it might be too late.
“I should be going now,” I said. “It’s almost dawn, and Seer Goddard will be up. Probably waiting for me. He seems to know what I need before I do.”
“I’ll walk you there,” Silas said. “X, I’ll meet you at Ranger HQ after.”
“I’ll be there too.” Lily pushed her mug of tea forward. “Dr. Lewis asked me to revise some of the potions I supplied him for the wards, so I’ll need to get those to him. That way if you do decide to test the new prototypes, Alessia, they’ll be ready for you.”
“Great, thank you,” I said. “I will find time to test the new ones. It will be more efficient if I can test them all in one big batch.”
Not to mention, I might not need to test them if I could find another way to keep the spirits off our island. I was counting on that to be the case, that the manufactured wards wouldn’t need to be used because there would be a different, more permanent solution.
With that, we parted ways. Liza agreed to stick around the castle where Millie and the stationed Rangers would be holding down the fort.
I imagined Millie would maintain a constant flow of food and comforting beverages to all who floated in and out of the castle, providing us with a sense of stability and hominess in a time of upset and uncertainty.
We were halfway to Seer Goddard’s now-familiar hut at the top of the rolling hills on the northeast side of The Isle when Silas spoke.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked softly. “More nightmares?”
“Yes. Liza had them too.”
Silas absorbed this information. “Are they dangerous, your dreams?”
“I don’t think so. I think you’re partially right, that they are just nightmares. I’m not sure if they’re trying to tell us something, or if it’s just a general warning and sense of foreboding, but I’m trying to pay attention to them in case.”
“Smart. I’m sorry if I doubted you.”
“You didn’t doubt me.” I slipped my hand in his. “We’re all trying to figure this out, myself included. I was really hoping they were just plain nightmares. Maybe they are. But I need to be cautious, just in case, especially since Liza is getting them too.”
“She looks up to you. She really cares about you.”
“I care about her too.” I smiled up at Silas. “I invited her to stay at the castle as long as she needs to with us.”
“Good idea.” He squeezed my hand. “She’s a great kid.”
We strode in silence for a few more moments. I wanted to speak more freely to him, but I felt tense and unprepared for small talk. My brain was already rolling ten steps ahead as I worried about what I’d say to Seer Goddard upon our arrival.
“I want you to know that I trust you.” Silas’s voice was a silent rumble, the sound of tectonic plates shifting beneath the earth’s surface. “Whatever you’re keeping from me, it’s okay.”
My head swiveled to look up at him. “How do you—what?”
Silas gave a wry smile. “You’re my mate, Alessia. I can feel you through our bond. Not to mention, I love you, and I can tell when you’re bothered and distracted by old-fashioned techniques.”
When I remained quiet, my face obviously confused, he gave a dry laugh.
“You’re quiet, you’re distracted. I know you and Liza were likely discussing spirit things that I won’t pretend to comprehend.” Silas shrugged. “I understand that as queen, there may be things you can’t tell me. I want you to know I understand that, and I trust you.”
“I hate not telling you things,” I said. “I would only keep quiet if it was of grave importance. If it was a matter of life or death for many people. I trust you, Silas, and I love you. If I’m holding something back, it’s not for any reason other than out of necessity in my role as queen.”
I expected Silas to have some sort of comeback, even a kind one, about how I could trust him implicitly. And if I did trust him implicitly, as I’d just said, then why couldn’t I share everything with him?
But he didn’t come back with any of those arguments. He didn’t come back with anything at all except to say: “I love you too, Alessia.”
“You’re not upset with me?” I turned to face Silas, taking both of his hands in mine. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not upset with you.” Silas gave me a crooked smile.
“I might be upset with you when I find out the details, because I’ve no doubt I won’t be happy about them.
But I’m allowed to feel how I want, and you’re allowed to let me feel that way.
And through it all, I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”
I raised onto my tiptoes. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve everything.” Silas met me with a kiss. “I’m lucky to have found you. I won’t ever forget what it felt like to not have you in my life, and I would rather die than go back to that place of emptiness.”
I threw my arms around Silas’s neck, and when he stepped away, the guilt tugged more at my gut than ever before. Last night, with the coronation, I’d taken the feelings of the whole island into my chest and absorbed them as my own.
I hadn’t even realized it’d clouded the line between me and Silas, the bond we’d been establishing as mates.
Obviously he’d been able to tell something was off with me, and it was ridiculous of me to think he wouldn’t have noticed.
But the way he’d responded, as if giving me permission to follow my intuition—that had surprised me in the best way possible.
I hated keeping this a secret, but until I knew more, I was confident it was the only solution for now.
Silas hung back as I approached the hut. When I knocked this time, the now familiar voice invited me inside for the first time. I turned, waved to Silas, and then entered to find Seer Goddard waiting for me.