21. Ethan
21
ETHAN
“Dr. Taylor, take a look at this x-ray!” I’m on my way out the door. I can almost feel the frosty air on my face. I’ve been texting with Madison, and I’m going to help her with the dogs as soon as I get home.
“I’m…already on my way home.”
“I know, but the patient in room 351 has a bad break. Look at the way the bone is cutting into the muscle.”
I take a look at the x-ray and wince. It’s definitely not one that’s going to be easy to fix. And while I feel bad for the guy, I’ve learned that I can’t always put my patients before myself. Right now, I’m picking myself first, and that means going to Madison’s house and helping her with the dogs.
“Dr. Stephen will get it. He’s suiting up in the other room.”
The orderly nods and heads back down the hall.
Finally, I have real freedom. I duck my head as I hurry into the biting cold, relishing the sting of it on my skin yet wanting to hurry home so I can see Madison. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a reason to want to be at home.
For the last few years, I’ve used any excuse possible to stay out of my house, whether that meant I was at a bar, strip club, or some other type of entertainment, I just didn’t want to be at home.
Now, I have a lot of reasons to want to be there. The drive to my house on Oak Island takes about twenty minutes. When I pull into my driveway, I strain to see Madison’s house. The lights are on in the living room, giving the whole place a warm, glowing feeling.
Without going inside to change out of my work clothes, I pull on a pair of gloves and head over to her place.
After knocking, I hear Madison yell from inside. “Enter at your own risk!”
Knowing that the monsters are just waiting for me, I push the door open, squeeze through the crack, and close it again.
“Hey!” Madison has two food bowls in her hands. Bigfoot is balanced with his paw on her abdomen, and Bella is barking crazily.
I hear a high-pitched bark in the background that I don’t recognize. I turn toward the kitchen area, and a new pup is cowering while he yips defensively toward the bigger dogs.
“Hey there, little guy.” I head toward him and pick him up, wondering what kind of mix he is. He looks part chihuahua and part yorkie.
“Okay Bigfoot, if you would get in your kennel, then I would give you your food. Geez.” Bigfoot scrambles into his kennel, and Madison sets the bowl of food down before shutting the door on him. Bella continues to whine until Madison gives Bella her own bowl of food.
The puppy in my hands seems to calm down once everyone else does. I scoop him up and cuddle him.
“I wouldn’t hug him too tightly. He’s already had two accidents, and he’s barely been here an hour. ”
I move him away from my chest and set him gently on the floor. “Tough day with the brutes?”
“Samson was great.” Madison smiles lovingly at her own dog. “But tomorrow cannot come soon enough.”
“What’s tomorrow?”
“Bigfoot and Bella are going home.”
“Ah, you might have room to actually move around again.”
Madison scoops another kind of dog food into a bowl, and Samson waits patiently. She makes a face as she’s scooping it. “Why is dog food so smelly? It’s like it gets on my hands too and the odor won’t leave.”
I wrinkle my nose. It does smell like burnt ribs. “Here. I’ll feed Samson and the runt if you want to rest. I’m sure you’ve had your hands full all day.”
“No, it’s okay. I can do it. I should warn you that I’m coming down with a virus. I don’t want you to get sick.”
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“I work at a hospital. I’m exposed to every germ on the face of this planet on the daily. Nothing you expose me to is something I haven’t seen before.”
Madison puts food on the floor in front of Samson then goes to another, very small bag of food. “Georgie, come on, buddy. Get your dinner.”
But the puppy seems more interested in sniffing every part of the house than eating. Samson looks eagerly at Georgie’s untouched bowl.
“No, you know better. Eyes on your own food,” Madison tells Samson. He goes back to crunching his food.
“I need to take these dogs out for a good run. It’s like they have more energy every day. I don’t know how they do it. ”
“I’ll take Bigfoot and Bella if you want to deal with the others.”
Madison looks at Georgie and Samson. “Yeah, I think I can handle the two of them. Are you sure you can handle the two of them ?”
I look at Bigfoot and Bella. Bigfoot has already licked his bowl clean, but Bella is taking her time. “Oh yeah. I’ll just tie them to each other. Because they’ll never agree on which way to go, they won’t be able to get too far.”
Madison considers my idea thoughtfully. “That’s not bad, actually.”
I grab Bigfoot and put him on the leash, holding it tightly as Bella continues to eat. “I feel bad for these dogs sometimes,” Madison says softly.
“Bad for them? Why?”
“They’re just being themselves. They’re big dogs. They’re supposed to have a lot of energy. They’re not meant to be locked up in a small house. But yet, it’s like I can’t help but feel annoyed at them because they jump and bark and do everything.”
“Sometimes, we’re put in a world that isn’t ready to accept us for who we are. We just have to keep at it anyway.” I pat Bigfoot’s head.
When I look up, Madison is watching me closely. “Well, that was deep.”
I shrug. “Sometimes, I have thoughts worth thinking about go through my head.”
“No, it’s just… It’s like you understand me. There are so many things I want to do, but it’s like I can’t just take off and do them. I have to play by the rules of this world.”
“What do you want to do?” I watch Bella’s slow progress with the bowl. Samson has already finished his food, and he continues to eye Georgie’s bowl .
“Why do you feel like the world isn’t ready to accept you?” she counters.
“What? I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Madison makes eye contact with me for a long minute. Then, she looks away. “I mean, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. I just… I thought maybe…”
Madison is being vulnerable with me. She’s being herself, and I can feel some of the walls around my heart starting to crumble.
“Okay, my dad was…harsh on me. Nothing I did was ever good enough. It…hurt a little bit that when I was accepted to one of the best schools in the country, he didn’t care because if I was really good, I would have ‘been offered a scholarship.’ His words, not mine.”
Madison stands up. She reaches for me, but I don’t want her sympathy. Besides, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I know that I make a difference. I think about the patient whose x-ray I was shown as I was ending my shift, though. Could I have made a bigger difference if I had been willing to stay late?
“Sucks when parents don’t appreciate you. Or really, when no one appreciates you. I completely understand. Sometimes, since my parents moved away, it really feels like I’m on my own. It feels like I have so much on my shoulders.”
Now, it’s my turn to feel sorry for her. I start to reach for her. I want to pull her into a hug, but Bigfoot tugs on the leash just then, pulling me deeper into the living room. I smile back at her and laugh at his antics.
“I answered your question. Now, you have to answer mine. ”
“You didn’t finish answering my question.” Madison frowns.
“What else can I say? I’d rather not deal with daddy issues.”
“I just… I wondered if you’ve dated anyone since your wife… Since everything happened with Aurora’s mom.”
I sigh and look down at the ground. It’s been nearly eight years since we separated. It was a mutual decision. I’m sure that Madison knows the basic facts of what happened because she and Aurora are so close. I don’t need to fill her in on those.
“She and I had a lot of fundamental differences. They were easy to overlook at first, but then…”
“Then, they weren’t. And she moved out.”
“She decided that she wanted a cut of my money but nothing to do with me. It was easier to just give her the money than to continue fighting with her.”
“Do you still love her?”
I shift, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation has taken. I look over and see that Georgie’s bowl of food is empty. I don’t know if it was Samson or Georgie who ate it, but I let go of Bigfoot’s leash because he’s eager to investigate.
I reach for Madison. There’s only one reason she is asking these questions. Could it be that she feels something stronger for me than just wanting sex? Because as I look at her, I realize it’s true for me. I like spending time with Madison and having conversations, even the tough conversations.
“No. I think I appreciate the fact that she gave birth to Aurora. I will always be grateful for that. But I don’t love her. I haven’t talked to her in several years. Is there a reason…” Bu t before I can finish probing into Madison’s question, she answers the one I asked several minutes ago.
“What I really want to do is run a surf school. I don’t want to deal with slobbery dogs every day. They are cute, but it’s like they invade every corner of my life. There is still a lot of dog hair in my bedroom even though I keep the door closed all the time.”
I remember when she showed up at my front door and asked to borrow money. I turned her down without even really considering her offer. That wasn’t fair of me. Now, I feel guilty even though it happened weeks ago.
Bella jumps up and pushes against the door of the kennel. “Well, I should take the dogs for a run. I’ll bring them back in a little bit so tired that they will fall asleep and not move until morning.”
“If you figure out how to do that with these dogs, their owner will thank you for any tips you have.”
I lean forward and kiss Madison’s forehead quickly before getting Bella’s leash and settling it on her collar. Then, I head out into the biting wind with the two crazy pups. And I’m right. Tying them together while they run free on the beach is the perfect solution. They don’t get too far before one of them gets distracted by a sea animal or some piece of trash. I’m easily able to grab the combined leash and pull them toward me when it’s time to head in.
I’m still turning over my deeper conversation with Madison.
Madison wants to start a surfing school. I wonder how much she knows about surfing and if it would be the right business move for her.
As soon as I ask the question, I shake my head. That’s the wrong question completely. I need to ask if it’s something I can make come true.