28. Madison
28
MADISON
Hey, can you come over today? I just got home from my shift, and I’d like to talk.
His text has a serious tone to it. I immediately don’t like it. Why is he texting me at eight in the morning that he wants to talk?
I rub a hand to my stomach. Whatever virus I have is persistent. I haven’t thrown up, but I just keep feeling like I want to. I almost want to throw up, just so I can get it over with.
I text back. Maybe tomorrow? I feel sick today.
Samson comes over and nudges my hand with his nose. He doesn’t care how sick I am. He still wants his pets. I pat his head gently. “I still love you, buddy. We’re just taking it slower today.”
Do you need help with the dogs? I can take them out if you don’t feel good.
Ethan’s offer is so sweet that it’s difficult to turn down. I just don’t want him to get sick. Plus, if I see him, I might blurt out what Mia and Zoe said. And I’d rather not talk about that with him, not yet. I don’t want to ruin the beautiful thing we had going, even though I have a feeling it might already be ruined.
Thanks, but I’ve taken them out this morning already. They’re having fun with a few new chew toys.
Okay, I’m here if you need me. And I really do need to talk to you. It’s pretty important. I can go over there if that’s easier for you.
My stomach turns over. Does Ethan know that Aurora is spreading rumors about us dating? I thought she would have just told our friend group, but maybe she’s taking the rumors outside of our group. I imagine Aurora going to the hospital and dropping a few hints here and there.
What if her rumors get Ethan fired?
Could they?
Finally, I agree. I’ll come over. Give me thirty minutes.
I know that if I had worked an all-night shift, I would be heading to bed directly afterward. The fact that Ethan wants to talk to me and right now…it can’t mean anything good.
I think that’s why I drag my feet going over there. I know that something is up, but I’m not ready to face whatever it is.
But the wind is biting the small bits of my skin that are exposed, and I feel like it’s literally cutting into me. I hurry the last few steps and take shelter on Ethan’s porch. I’ve barely rung the doorbell before he swings the door open with a somber expression on his face.
If there are any fleeting thoughts that I might have misread the situation, those disappear when I see the expression on his face. His eyebrows are drawn together, and his lips are turned downward.
“Come in. Are you okay?”
“Fine, just…fine.” It’s easier just to say I feel fine than to try to explain how this thing is lingering. Besides, today I ha ven’t really felt so bad after all. There’s just a lingering tiredness from whatever virus I’ve had.
“Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?”
“No, I just want to know why you wanted me to come over here.”
Ethan sighs and motions for me to head into the living room. I sink onto the couch, and Ethan joins me a moment later with a half-finished mug of coffee.
“Are the dogs behaving for you?”
I shrug. “As well as they can. What’s going on?” If I have to ask him to get to the point one more time, I’m going to explode.
“Just… Aurora came over and talked to me.”
My heart sinks. As soon as he says that, I have a feeling I know where he’s heading. “She knows. How does she know? What did she say?”
Ethan shakes his head. He takes a moment to respond. I almost want to leap across the living room, grab the collar of his shirt, and shake him. But I manage to exhibit some self-control.
“She…it seems as though…she heard some rumors, and it was enough for her to put the pieces together.”
It seems like Ethan isn’t telling me the whole story, but the truth is that I don’t care so much how she found out as what she did about it. I remember how the group get-together felt. She was practically freezing me out. Is that what’s going to happen from now on? She’s going to spread rumors, well, they’re true so maybe they aren’t all rumors, behind my back. And…I’m going to just have to deal with it?
“She came over pretty upset, asking me how I could do that to you like I…dragged you into something.”
“What did you say? ”
“The truth is that she didn’t give me the chance to say much of anything.”
“So basically, she did her Aurora thing? Throw a bunch of accusations then march out?”
Ethan smirks for a second before the seriousness of the situation settles on him again. “Yeah, that’s basically what happened.”
“Okay, I thought that was the case, but I was hoping she didn’t really know, that she was just making something up.”
“Well, if she thought she was making something up, I confirmed it in our conversation. At this point, it was better for me to be upfront and admit that we’ve been sleeping together than try to pretend it’s all in her head.”
I nod, understanding his logic. Still, I wince at the thought that Aurora knows. And if Aurora knows, all our friends know. Our chat group has had another unusually quiet day, and the feeling that I’m being cut out of the real conversation returns.
“Okay, thank you for letting me know the situation. What… I mean, something has to be done. She was mad, right?”
Ethan laughs at that, but he doesn’t sound very amused by it. His laugh cuts off abruptly. “Oh, yeah. She was mad. She was furious. She was having one of her adult tantrums where she won’t let the other person talk.”
I wince. I’ve seen those before. Aurora has a strong personality. Then, I turn my gaze to the floor and try to think about how to deal with this. Aurora has been my best friend for a long time, and despite her flaws, we share a lot of the same interests and usually have a good time together.
But now, since I’ve been sleeping with her father, I’ve been sneaking around and avoiding her as much as possible. It’s my guilty conscience. There’s really only one right way to deal with this situation.
“Well, I think the answer is easy. We need to stop seeing each other.”
Ethan’s eyebrows rise, but he doesn’t say anything.
I explain further. “That’s what’s causing the issue, right? I’ll explain to Aurora that it was a mistake and…I’ll fix things with her. You can fix things with her, too. Besides, it was just sex, so…” I don’t add, “We can get that somewhere else,” because that sounds so cold-hearted.
But that’s the truth. Ethan has stressed this whole time that it’s just sex. It’s nothing more. We don’t have a “real” relationship. Well, if that’s the case, then breaking this off should be easy, right?
I wait for Ethan’s answer. I think a tiny part of me wants him to reach across the space between us, grab my knee, and beg me to reconsider. I want to hear him confess that he actually has feelings for me. He can’t imagine not seeing me more than in passing.
But he doesn’t do any of those things. Instead, he takes a long sip of coffee, then another. The silence, other than his slurping, is completely unbearable. I can’t continue to sit here after breaking up with him. That’s what’s just happened, right?
“Well, I guess that’s settled then. We’re just ending this thing and moving on with our lives.”
I push myself to my feet and wait one more beat for Ethan to say something. I’m really giving him a lot of chances here, but he doesn’t seem to want to take any of them.
Ethan takes another sip of his coffee, and that’s indication enough to me that I can show myself out. I head out, and when the wind bites into my skin this time, it’s not welcome.
I hurry across the yards between our houses, surprised to feel tears on my cheeks.
Why the hell am I crying for him? He clearly doesn’t care about me if he let me go like that. He didn’t even say anything or try to convince me that maybe we should think of another solution.
But that’s probably because I’m the only one who enjoys our time together so much. To him, I’m just another woman to sleep with.
That realization stings more than Aurora’s cold treatment of me. I guess what we had was nothing to him. It really was nothing.