Chapter Five
Ellie
The sun hasn’t come up when my alarm rings annoyingly loud, but having Silas next to me makes everything irritating seem brighter.
He groans low in his throat, the sound rumbling through his chest as he reaches for me on instinct, pulling me back into him like I’m the only thing he wants to hold on to.
His arm tightens around my waist, heavy and warm, and his bearded face nuzzles into the back of my shoulder.
I love that he chooses me even when he’s not fully coherent yet. I love that his first reaction of the day is to hold me close.
My hand stretches outward toward the nightstand, searching for my phone, desperate to quiet the awful high-pitched sound. It’s amazing what a girl can do when she’s determined, because even in the pale dawn light, I find that thing and manage to silence it.
What was I thinking? A degree in accounting is the last thing I ever wanted.
And though I’m really excited to have access to all you can eat bear claws, I’m not looking forward to spending the day stuffed into the back corner of a bakery with no office while I try to make sense of what sells best from a cost efficiency standpoint.
What I’d really like is to lie right here in the comfort of Silas’ arms until the sun burns out, or until we’ve made a houseful of babies that demand we take care of them.
Something tells me that despite the fun night we had, babies aren’t in the books.
“You get enough sleep, angel?” His voice is still thick, like he isn’t fully awake yet.
“Not really, you?”
“Never.” He kisses my shoulder as he rolls to his side and stares at me. “Do you have time for coffee? Strong, dark, borderline illegal coffee?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to leave the bed yet.”
A slow, steady smile spreads across his face. “You’re so fucking precious.”
My pulse jumps and warmth washes over me as I sink into his massive frame. “Now it’s official. We’re definitely not getting out of this bed.”
He hums low. “Okay. The house is paid off, I have the utilities on autopay, so I guess food will be the only real challenge.”
My face lights as I say, “We’ll get delivery to the bedroom window.” I glance toward a walking stick leaned in the corner by the bed. “We can use that as our little helper.” I snuggle deeper into his arms, satisfied with my idea, until the urge to pee strains my bladder. “Shoot.”
“Shoot, what?” he sighs contently. “We just got everything all figured out.”
“Almost,” I groan, sitting up slowly, “except for using the bathroom.”
“You gotta go?”
I nod. “Pretty bad. Snuck up on me.”
He rolls toward his bedside table and grabs an empty glass. “You could use this.”
I grin. “Umm… no. I think I’m going to have to venture from the bed.”
“Never!” His arms squeeze around me tightly. “You sold me on this stay in bed forever thing. Now I can’t unsee it.”
“Oh my God,” I laugh and squirm against his touch. “You have to let me go or I’m going to piss myself.”
“Maybe that’s my new kink. Let’s try it.”
“Get out of here.” I fight my way out of his flexing, inked-up arms, squirming and poking playfully. I know he could hold me here if he wanted to, but thankfully, he takes it easy on me.
Heart full, I push off the bed and race toward the bathroom. Why does life feel so perfect since I rode away with him? Maybe it’s because we both know this could never really work. Like perfection only lasts when it’s borrowed.
I’m washing my hands when I hear Silas in the kitchen, confirming that our little game of ‘never leave the bed’ is officially over. I shouldn’t feel sad, but I do. I do because reality isn’t ours. It belongs to consequences we can’t outrun.
God, I sound like a crazy person. I knew what I was getting myself into. One night of fun with an older guy I’ve been lusting after. That’s all. Now, I have to refocus on getting ready for this new job and possibly fighting off a crazy ex who’s apparently been tracking me for months.
What has my life become?
The sun is peeking up over the horizon as I tug on Silas’ T-shirt from yesterday and step into the kitchen.
He’s shirtless and standing before the sink, rinsing out a mug, bacon popping behind him on the stove, the coffee maker dripping into the carafe.
The whole scene is like something from a very wholesome porno or a very racy cooking show.
“Teasing me again this morning,” he says, staring toward me a beat too long.
I glance down at my disheveled self. “You’re a very lonely man if you think this is a tease.”
He narrows his heavy brows. “You’re wearing my T-shirt, you’ve still got my come in your hair, your cheeks are pink, and there’s a smile on your face. Looks like a tease to me.”
I try to hide the smile that’s lifting my cheeks, but it’s impossible.
I’m happy. So happy that I let myself picture a life where Silas and I are a family.
Where this little cabin is ours, and we decorate the halls with pictures of family vacations and paintings we stumble upon while thrifting on a slow Saturday morning.
Where we cut down a Christmas tree to surround with our children’s presents, one boy and one girl.
God, I want that! I want it so badly that I’d give just about anything to have it!
That’s when my brain short-circuits and Adam’s face comes flashing in like a flood I should’ve seen coming.
Adam.
My ex-boyfriend.
Silas’ son.
The reason none of this would ever work.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I recenter my thoughts and head to the little round table to the left of the kitchen where Silas is settling breakfast.
Eggs, bacon, pancakes, and coffee. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten this well. I also don’t remember the kitchen looking this great. The cabin has always been nice, but I don’t remember those dark wood beams, the natural stone counters, or the built-in bookshelves.
“Did you remodel the kitchen?”
“Late last year. It gave me something to do while I was—” He stops and takes a sip of coffee as though he’s redirecting his thoughts.
“While you were what?”
“While I was… getting things started at the distillery. It’s still such a pain in the ass over there.
We’ve got these rednecks causing trouble from the bar down the way, and we’re not making as much money as we’d hoped.
I’ve got my dad’s old whiskey recipes I’m hoping will do the trick, but,” he shakes his head, “I don’t know. Gotta get my brothers to buy into it.”
“You have other very successful distilleries.” I narrow my brows as I try and reassure him. “You must be doing something right. I’m sure things will pick up.”
I don’t get the feeling he agrees, though he nods as the steam from his coffee mug rises. God, the man is gorgeous. I have no idea how he’s still single. Most women are shopping for exactly what he’s offering.
Wide shoulders.
Thick biceps.
A head full of salt and pepper hair.
The cabin in the woods.
The field of purple lavender blowing in the breeze.
The field of lavender?
The field of lavender!
I widen my gaze and lean into the window, wondering if maybe my eyes are playing tricks. Why is there a field of lavender?
I glance up at Silas, then back at the field again, wondering if maybe I’m still dreaming. If I am, that explains a lot.
“It’s an experiment.” He takes a bite of bacon and nods toward my plate. “You better eat. It’s getting cold.”
“An experiment?”
He nods, and his eyes drop, like suddenly he’s aware of himself. “When we had our little moment on the porch and you left, I… I missed you.”
“So, you planted lavender?”
He glances back up, his gaze warmer now. “I know you weren’t mine, but it felt like you belonged to me, so I planted the flowers you wanted. It was stupid, and it’s no big deal.”
My jaw drops open as I stare at Silas, the only man that’s ever really understood me.
He drags his hand over his face. “It’s nothing. Eat your food.”
“It’s not nothing.” I smile, bubbling over with a fullness I can’t explain as I stand from the table and step toward him, sliding onto his lap. “It’s everything, actually. Will you take me out there tonight? Can we have a picnic in the field?”
The ghost of a grin pulls at the corner of his mouth before he shuts it down with a hard swallow. “We’ll see.”
I shake my head and straddle his lap, my hands on either side of his face. “You came all over my tits last night, and now you’re really going to pretend you’re in control again this morning?”
His big hands wrap around my waist as he pulls me in and growls. “You’re trouble.”
“Yup,” I nod slowly and lean into his lips as I grind against his lap, “and you love it!”
“That’s the problem,” he groans, his lips touching mine as his cock grows hard against his thigh. “You give me an inch and I’m probably going to go a mile.”
“I want you to go a mile,” I whine playfully as I grind my bare pussy against the hard, denim lump in his jeans. “I want you to go as far as you can.”
“And then what?” he groans as he glances out toward the field. “You leave and I’m left here planting flowers like a lonely fuck? We can’t go back to that place we were in. It was hell for me. You’re all I thought about.”
My body is tingling, and my intuition tells me that he never stopped thinking about me, not for a single day.
I know I didn’t stop thinking about him.
Then again, maybe he’s tempted by me because I’m off-limits, but his real-life type is a woman his own age with a steady job and conversations about politics, world injustices, or whatever else mature people talk about.
I mean, I did strip down and tease the hell out of him. Then again, he planted an entire field of flowers, so he did think of me at one point. That means something, even if it’s scary to admit.
“You should eat your breakfast,” he presses, his hand casually wandering back to my hip as he stares up at me. “It’s getting cold.”
“Yeah,” I say, voice dropping as I lift my weight off his lap, “I guess I should.”