9. Logan
Logan
I slept. I slept hard—for the first time in a while. Someone is lying next to me, too.
Tess.
Turning over, I see her there in the bed, naked and breathing slowly as the morning light filters into the room. I could watch her for hours.
Jesus, Logan. You…slept with her. You broke your one rule, and she doesn't even know it exists.
I suck in a deep breath. The air smells like both of us. Rolling onto my back, I stare up at the ceiling.
There's a crack up there, just a thin line from where the foundation settled. I had it patched once, but a year or so later, it came back.
It's not a big deal. I don't know why I'm staring at it like it holds answers.
Except I do know. I'm trying to distract myself from what I just did. I don't regret it. That's not it. I'm just... shocked. My chest feels too tight for the room.
If someone had asked me what would happen on this job, sleeping with the client wouldn't have made the list.
"I really had sex with her. Fuck."
This changes everything. It complicates things. It's exactly what I swore would never happen. Sex and emotions cloud judgment. They just do.
Did I ever really stand a chance, though?
The moment I saw Tess, I knew she was different. That cut-the-bullshit personality. That drive.
Reckless, sure, but also fiercely convicted, her moral compass so strong it puts most people's to shame.
She doesn't see the value in keeping herself safe, and we need to talk about that. A conversation I'm not exactly looking forward to.
Then there's the matter of these feelings.
I'm way "up in my feels," as she'd probably say. Tess has gotten through walls I built years ago, chipping through layers of concrete with nothing but her tenacity and that smile.
But the threat of her getting killed hangs over my head like a blade. She's too reckless for my liking, and I know men like Cilento.
He'll stop at nothing to silence her.
"Hi."
Tess's voice pulls me out of my head, and I roll onto my side to find her eyes.
"Good morning." She's sleepy, hair a mess, and it gets to me anyway. I smile. "Sleep alright?"
"I did." She grins back. "That... was incredible."
A laugh breaks out of me before I can stop it. "Thanks. It was pretty damn incredible. Though—ugh, never mind."
Her brows dip low, her expression darkening. "What?"
Dammit. Now I've made her nervous. "No, nothing you did. I just... I wasn't supposed to do that."
Tess snorts, rolling her eyes at herself. "Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure sex wasn't in the services contract I signed."
She's not wrong. But that's not what I meant, and if she's going to understand, I need to actually say it.
Fuck.
"No, I—ugh, sorry, this is weird to say out loud. I don't sleep with people. It's a rule. After some things happened in my past, I promised myself I'd keep every relationship strictly platonic."
Tess's eyes go wide, and my stomach drops. God, she's going to think I'm some kind of freak.
"Wait, what?" She pushes herself up to sit, brows furrowing. "Do you mean you had, like... a vow of celibacy?"
I hate this. I never thought I'd have to have this conversation, and it's already one of my least favorite ones ever.
"Self-imposed, but in a manner of speaking, yes. Sex complicates things. I needed to stay focused on the job."
"But," Tess narrows her eyes, glancing down at the bed and back up at me, "you decided to do it with me?"
If she'd said it any other way, the question might have stung. But her voice is full of genuine shock. Why me?
I lean over onto my elbow, looking up at her—those soft gray eyes, that full mouth—and nod.
"Yeah. I chose you. I've never even been tempted to break that promise before. Not until you."
Her eyes shimmer, and she sniffles, shaking her head. "Dammit, sorry. That's just... wow. But I get it, I think. I've never been interested in sex with anyone else. I actually thought I might be asexual. Guess I was just waiting for you."
Her words light me up like a struck match. I'm practically floating.
I was her first. The first lucky bastard to taste her, touch her, love her.
Because as much as that was fucking, it was more than that, too. I'm feeling something for Tess—something I never thought I'd find.
"Look, Tess, there's something between us. We both see it. But I want you to know I'm not looking to control your life. I know the 'tradwife' vibe of this whole neighborhood isn't you, and that's not what I want either."
"I swear, Logan, I couldn't pretend even if you asked. I've been independent since I was a kid. My parents are great, but they're content with quiet lives, no waves. I've never been that person."
I chuckle, nodding. "Trust me, I can tell. But we do need to talk about your late-night excursion. I want you to do your job. I do. But risks, Tess. You need to take them with your eyes open."
She sags back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling. After a moment, she sighs and nods, something unreadable crossing her face.
"You know," she says, tipping her head toward me, "I don't think about it like that. It's not that I see the risk and choose it anyway. It's more like... I can't imagine a world where anyone cares enough about me to bother. To attack me. To want me."
I want to argue, to shoot that down right away. But I don't. She's opening up, and I can tell it costs her.
"I'm a weird bean, Logan. Always was the loner kid with her nose in a book instead of talking to people.
Easier to study them, track their patterns, catch the bad ones.
I don't really have friends—just coworkers, acquaintances.
I've never understood the rules of 'proper' society.
I just see people hurting other people, breaking the rules that are supposed to protect us, and I have to do something. "
There's a lot to unpack there, and a lot I recognize in myself. "I get it. Won't surprise you that I'm not exactly drowning in friendships either. My job is solitary. Maybe that's what works for us. We stay objective, get the job done. Even with your risk-blindness thrown in."
Tess laughs, rolling onto her side to face me, and something in her expression says more than words could. She's relaxed. Not on edge, not wound tight.
Just lying there. Smiling.
"Fair assessment. I can work on it. I think I'd like to, actually.
If it comes with the chance of seeing where this goes.
" She glances down, shaking her head at herself.
"I'm no dating expert, but... I think there's something here besides the fucking.
God, that sounds bad. But yeah. Want to see what happens after the trial? "
I laugh—really laugh, loud and long overdue. "I agree, and I do. Fair warning, though, I've got baggage too. Military stuff, and since we're doing the heart-to-heart thing... some of this protectiveness comes from—fuck, this is hard."
Tess takes my hand and squeezes. "I'm not in a rush. You don't have to tell me now."
I cup her cheek instead, running my thumb over that impossibly soft skin. "I know. And I don't think I'd be able to say it at all if you weren't so damn easy to talk to."
She grins, and I swear I'll never get tired of that face. Beautiful, sure. But more than that—open. Holding nothing back from me.
"I had a sister." My throat tightens, but I push through it.
"I loved her so much, but I was overseas.
I didn't think she needed me back home. I was wrong.
She was dating some asshole, and I tried to warn her.
I don't think she was blind to it. I think she knew exactly how bad he was.
But it's hard to leave a situation like that. "
"Oh, Logan. That's terrible." She slides closer, wrapping an arm around me.
"Yeah. He killed her, Tess. And I wasn't there to stop it." My chest aches, tight enough to hurt. "For years, I cut myself off from everyone. Because I figured I was cursed to lose the people I loved."
She tips her face up to mine. "I understand why the risk mattered so much to you. You weren't being irrational. Not with what happened to her. And you're right—I need to be better about it. Apparently I've got someone now who'd be wrecked if I weren't around."
"Damn straight you do." I tip her chin up and kiss her.
"So we try this?" She smiles, brow raised.
"We try this, sweetheart." I kiss her again, something in my chest finally settling. "I am your husband, after all."