Chapter 11
Unknown
Waking wasn’t gentle tonight.
There was no slow float upward, no drowsy warmth of stone giving way to skin. I surged into awareness with a sharp inhale, like breaching through the surface of cold water. My heart was already racing.
I sat up, fully formed. Solid. Breathing.
I was real—and I knew it.
And that terrified me.
The war room was empty, save for the flickering torches and the ancient tome Thavros and I had been poring over for nights now.
I pulled it closer, hands already moving before I had the chance to think.
I needed to find something. A reason. An answer.
Anything that could explain why my body thrummed with nerves and magic and something dangerously close to hope.
The crystal on the table hummed faintly, pulsing in rhythm with my breath.
I didn’t know why, but I was certain. If I didn’t figure this out tonight, everything would change.
Where was he? I didn’t know whether I longed for him because he was all I knew or because he was all I wanted. I just know I felt his absence in my bones. I needed his steady presence here, calming me.
I sat down at the table, flipping through some of the dusty pages we’d been reading. Transmutation magic was rare. In the research we’d made so far, it was only wielded by Gods and Fae. And while we knew I was a Godling, we hadn’t been able to pin down anything else.
I took a slow breath to try to calm myself. I needed Thavros here. Something was different tonight. I was sure of that.
I didn't know where this certainty came from. Nothing had changed. I still had no clue how I'd come to be here, why I was trapped in stone, or even my name. I just knew that it was all going to change.
I sat and tried to focus on the page, but I couldn't. There was something in my body that would not be still. Where was Thavros?
. I knew he was planning the Yule feast. The feast would happen tomorrow night. And I would be stuck here. Alone. Yet I tried to remind myself that I know he had other things he needed to be doing. And I knew that he had not been taking care of himself. Orcs require sleep, no matter what he says.
Even knowing that, I still yearned for him. I needed him in this moment more than I had any right to. I craved his rough but gentle hands. His eyes that saw everything. His mind craved knowledge. His mouth that… well, maybe I shouldn’t think too hard on what his mouth could do.
As I stood to pace, the door below me opened. I moved to go to him. Only then did I hear a second voice. A more feminine voice.
What was he doing with another woman?
There was nothing left for me to do but pretend to be a statue. I got back into my pose and stood as still as I could, the nervous energy coursing . As much as I hated to admit it, jealousy accompanied the nervous energy.
As I stood still and listened, I heard their conversation.
"Thavros, what is the matter with you? I can tell something is off. Even Khuldruk asked what happened in his absence."
"Frema, it is nothing. Please leave me."
"No. I just returned, and something is clearly wrong with you. While Khuldruk is content to let you figure it out on your own, that’s never been my way. Out with it."
I heard his footsteps move up the stairs. The nearness of him felt dizzying. Even like this, I could feel him. But as he moved up the stairs, the woman did too.
My heart thudded in my chest. I had never felt this real, yet I was forced to pretend to be made of stone.
As he climbed the stairs, he seemed to be able to feel the shift as well. His eyes flew to me, and I tried my hardest to remain stone still, but my body was screaming to go to him.
His eyebrows instantly drew together as he appeared to sniff the air.
Quickly, he turned on his heel as the woman behind him climbed the stairs.
"Frema. I mean it," he said, low and menacing. It was a voice I'd never heard from him before. "Right now, my only desire is to be left alone in peace from your infernal nagging."
"Brother," she said in almost a whisper. "What is wrong? Please. We only want to help."
"Leave. Me. Be," he growled out.
The woman stopped, her mouth dropped open as if she'd been slapped.
"Fine. I will leave you. And tomorrow you will apologize for speaking to me this way."
She turned on her heel and marched back down the stairs.
Thavros and I both stood there, stone still until we heard the door open and close again.
She was gone.
"My darling," he said, moving to me as I nearly burst out of my pose, running to him.
"What is it?" he said.
But I was in no mood to talk. I needed to feel his arms around me. I had no answer for what was causing these feelings inside of me. I just knew something was coming. I could feel it. I looked up at him, tears pooling in my eyes. Tears. I didn't even know I was capable of tears.
The moment my watery eyes registered, I saw the panicked look on his face. "What is wrong? Are you hurt?" he asked, instantly sweeping me up in his arms and taking me to the table.
My heart warmed, and my racing thoughts stilled at his touch. Being held in his arms was the only thing that had provided any sense of calm.
He sat me on the table and cupped my face and wiped away one of the tears that had settled on my cheek. "Please, this is breaking my heart. What is wrong? How can I help?"
Without a thought, I threw my arms around his massive shoulders. His arms instinctively wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. Pressed to his big, strong form, I finally drew a deep breath. I felt safe and steady for the first time since being pulled awake.
After another shaky breath, I said, "Something feels different tonight. I don't know how to describe it. I feel alive, but like magic is pulsing through me."
He attempted to pull back to look at me, but I clung to him. His arms wrapped around me were the only things holding me together.
"Shhhh," he soothed as he gently stroked my hair. "You’re safe. I am here. We will figure this out. Together."
I clung to him for a few more moments, drinking in his calmness until I was finally able to breathe. Finally, I pulled back, and when I saw the concern in his deep brown eyes, I wanted to bury myself right back in his chest.
"Talk to me?" he asked as he gently cupped my face.
"I don't know. I just feel so unsettled. Then I heard you with another woman, and I was filled with a deep rage I had never known. The magic feels like it is crackling inside of me."
A small smile tried to curl his mouth before he flattened it back into a straight line.
"That woman was my sister, my little flame.
You have nothing to worry about," he said in a warm, rich voice as his thumb stroked my cheek.
The small movement was calming me. I was beginning to crave this gentle orc.
And there was a part of me hoping that there might be a time when he wouldn't be so gentle.
“Little flame?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.
“The way the candlelight makes your skin glow. It’s like you are the light itself. You are captivating.”
“Oh,” I bit my lip and looked away. The feelings this orc was stirring in me were undeniable.
"Now,” he said as he lightly gripped my knee. “Can you tell me how I can help you?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know," I said with a crease forming between my brows. "But having you near helps."
"Good," he said before pressing a kiss to my forehead. This strong, massive man just kissed me like I was something precious, and it filled me with the feeling of safety. My shoulders loosened a bit more.
While his nearness and tenderness had always been something I craved, tonight it was different. Tonight, I felt a warmth in my belly. I remembered this feeling. This feeling was desire. And I felt it stronger than ever before.
His eyebrows creased as his nostrils flared.
"Really, I'm feeling much better. Should we get to work?" I said, trying to disguise the desire I still felt, but I could tell he was not fooled.
"Yes, let's get to work."
He pulled the big book out and opened it to where we'd left off. We had managed to translate about a quarter of the Godling in the book, and with the sheer size of it, that was no small feat, yet I feared we weren't any closer than we were when we began.
We passed the time as I read him the Godling text, and he wrote it down.
Then he would look into the other books.
On our other nights together, I would have joined him, but tonight I just couldn't. While the panic was gone, I was still restless.
I walked over to the window overlooking the town outside the mountain.
Usually, it was all quiet by now, but not tonight.
No, tonight it was still a buzz with the final preparations for tomorrow's feast.
“I wish we knew where I came from. This book is teaching us nothing.”
“We have learned something. We have learned that transmutation magic can trap a soul in an object until a later date,” Thavros said with an encouraging smile.
“Yes, and we also learned that only a pure Fae or God would have the power to do that. I don’t know of any still in the realm.”
Thavros took his glasses off and rubbed his hand over his face. “Yes, that is what we have learned. Perhaps we need a new angle.”
I badly wanted to be a part of it, yet I was stuck here in this war room, living half a life.
Thavros joined me by the window and slipped in behind me, and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned back into him. My head barely hit his chest, but the thump of his heart was comforting.
"I don’t like seeing you like this. You seem to be a million miles away," he said before he lowered his head and sniffed my hair.
I'm not sure why my heart squeezed at this giant orc sniffing me, but it did. I melted into him, wanting the world to fall away and for it only to be me and him and nothing else.
“What do I smell like?” I asked.
He took another sniff, and I couldn’t help the grin that tugged at my lips. “Old books and wildflowers.”