Chapter 19
CARRIE
Idon’t sleep. I barely even close my eyes.
Every time I do, I’m back in the library—hands on my skin, mouths on my throat, all three of them inside me in some way, making me feel seen and needed and wanted like I never have before.
I try to quiet my mind, but the memories won’t fade. They just get louder.
The room at the motel is stifling. I stare at the water stains on the ceiling, heart pounding, my body still aching with aftershocks from what we did.
But it’s not just the sex, as mind-blowing as it was.
It’s the way they looked at me after, the way JC held my face like I was something fragile and precious, the way Levi stroked my hair, the way Nico kissed my wrist as if it was a promise.
I’m falling for them. Not just one. All three.
My chest aches with the weight of it. I want to tell them everything, but I can’t even bring myself to pick up the phone.
I wish I could tell them I’m pregnant. That it’s real, that there’s something growing inside me—a part of them, whoever the father is.
I don’t care which one. I don’t want to know.
I just want it to be theirs. All of theirs.
The envelope from the clinic sits on the bedside table, the doctor’s report inside.
I read it twice, making sure I’m not crazy.
The dates line up exactly. There’s no way this is Jinn’s kid.
He’d started pulling away weeks before everything exploded.
We hadn’t had sex in almost a month—he was always “tired,” “busy,” or “out.” Now I know the truth.
He was already sleeping with my sister, and I was too stupid to see it.
The test result is clear. I got pregnant the first time I was with the guys—right when everything changed, when I let myself have something good for once, even if it was messy and wild and made no sense.
I took another test tonight just to be sure, watching the two lines show up instantly. No doubt left.
I run my hand over my stomach, flat still but not for long.
I should feel panic, but all I feel is stubborn relief.
I want this baby. I want it to be theirs.
I don’t care who the father is as long as it’s one of them.
I don’t need a DNA test or a spreadsheet.
I just want them to know, somehow, that this is ours, not Jinn’s.
He lost that right when he started sneaking around behind my back.
I wish I had the guts to tell them, to just get it out in the open. But I’m not sure how they’ll take it, if they’ll think it’s another manipulation of mine.
I’m just about to drift off, exhaustion finally starting to win, when there’s a hard, sudden knock at the door. My eyes fly open. For a second, I think I’m dreaming. The knock comes again, sharper this time.
I sit up, heart pounding. It’s nearly midnight. No one decent comes to a motel at this hour. I slip out of bed, pad over to the door, and peek through the cracked blinds.
Rodriguez.
My stomach drops. Panic prickles at the back of my neck. What is he doing here?
I unlock the chain but don’t open the door all the way. “What are you doing here? It’s pretty late.”
He stands there in his usual suit, tie loosened, eyes scanning the parking lot behind me. “Aren’t you going to invite me inside, Carrie?”
Shit. My mind goes blank for a second. The doctor’s report is sitting right on the nightstand, out in plain sight. I need to hide it, but I can’t move without making it obvious.
“I—I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I stammer, blocking the door with my body.
He smiles, cold and patient. “You going to invite me in, or do we have to do this out here in front of your neighbors?”
I force a weak smile and step back. “Fine, come in. But I wasn’t really—uh—dressed for visitors.”
Rodriguez steps inside, eyes sweeping over the messy bed, the pile of clothes on the chair, the nightstand. My heart thuds so loud I’m sure he can hear it. I edge sideways, trying to slide the report under a magazine without being obvious.
He notices. Of course he does. “Everything alright, Carrie? You seem jumpy.”
“I just—was about to go to sleep. Long day. Why are you really here, Rodriguez?”
He shrugs, feigning concern. “I was worried about you. After what happened the other day with the lockdown, the alarm…just thought I’d check in.”
I almost laugh. The look he gives me is all fake softness, the kind he uses on suspects right before he turns the screws. I know it’s bullshit—he doesn’t do anything out of worry. He does it for leverage, for information, for control.
I keep my voice flat. “You’ve never checked in on me before. What do you really want?”
He drops the act, eyes hardening a little. “I need results, Carrie. My bosses are breathing down my neck. You’ve been in there long enough to give me something useful. But so far, you’ve got nothing.”
I try not to flinch. I feel the edge of the envelope against my thigh, still tucked under the magazine, a secret burning in the dark. If he finds it, I’m screwed.
I force myself to look bored. “I told you, these things take time. You can’t just manufacture confessions from thin air.”
He steps closer, invading my space, his voice lowering. “No, but you can find ways to speed it up. Don’t make me regret putting you in there, Carrie. Don’t make me look for someone who will actually get the job done.”
I swallow, pulse racing. “I’m doing what I can.”
Rodriguez watches me for a long moment, then lets out a small, humorless laugh. “You better hope so. I’ll be back soon. Don’t disappoint me.”
He’s almost at the door when he pauses, turning back just enough to pin me with his gaze. The friendliness is gone, and what’s left is pure threat.
“One more thing, Carrie.” His voice drops, quiet and cold. “Don’t forget who’s watching out for you. I made this easy for you—don’t make me regret it. You step out of line, you lose everything. I’ll make sure of it.”
He holds my stare a moment longer, making sure I understand. Then he slips out, the door shutting harder than it needs to.
I stand frozen in the middle of the room, knowing he means every word. Rodriguez’s warning echoes in my head, but I’m done waiting for him—or anyone else—to fix this.
I dig out my phone and scroll to Marcy’s old group chat, the messages stale and untouched since the night she vanished.
My thumbs hover, unsure what to even say.
Last time I checked in with her friends, they were as lost as I was, promising to call if they heard anything.
That was weeks ago. Since then, nothing.
I send a round of messages anyway, quick and to the point: Hey, it’s Carrie. Any word from Marcy? I need to talk to her. Please, if you know anything, let me know.
The replies trickle in over the next hour—mostly the same. No, sorry. Haven’t seen her. If she shows up, I’ll tell her to call.
Sleep doesn’t come easy. When it does, it drags me under like cold water.
In the dream, I’m trapped behind bars—real ones this time, cold steel pressing into my spine.
The fluorescent lights buzz overhead, flickering, making shadows jump across the walls.
I hear Marcy’s voice calling my name, but every time I turn, she’s gone, replaced by Rodriguez’s hand gripping my shoulder, squeezing tighter and tighter until I can’t breathe.
I see Jace, Nico, and Levi, standing on the other side of the bars.
They’re reaching for me, but their hands never touch.
Every time I get close, the ground falls away and I’m alone, the doctor’s report burning in my palm, red letters spelling out LIAR across the page.
The guards laugh, their faces morphing into Jinn’s and Marcy’s, eyes flat and empty.
I wake up choking on a scream, tangled in sweaty sheets, my heart racing. I press a hand to my chest, trying to slow down, but the fear doesn’t fade. It just hangs there, a heavy weight, making everything in the room look foreign.
I drag myself through the morning, grab coffee I can’t taste, then head to the library, telling myself over and over I can keep it together. The fluorescent lights seem too bright here too. Every time a book drops or a cart squeaks, I flinch.
It’s been days since I saw any of them. Since the storm, Jace, Nico, and Levi have been ghosts—avoiding the library, probably trying not to draw attention, keep the guards from asking questions. I try to tell myself that’s smart, but it feels like punishment.
I’m shelving in the back, lost in my own head, when I hear a quiet cough behind me. I nearly jump out of my skin, heart hammering as I turn.
Jace stands there, a book in his hand. He looks tired, rough around the edges, hair mussed like he’s been running his hands through it all morning. For a second, neither of us speaks.
He holds out the book. “Just here to return this,” he says, voice flat. No softness, no smile.
I take it, careful not to let our fingers brush. My mouth is dry. “Thanks. Is there—um—anything else?”
He hesitates, eyes flickering past me to the empty stacks. “No.”
I nod, pulse skittering in my throat. I want to ask him a million things—how he’s doing, if he hates me, if he’s thought about that night even half as much as I have. But the words die in my mouth.
He lingers a second longer, like he might say something, but then seems to decide against it.
I can’t let him just walk away, not with all of this choking me from the inside. My fingers clutch the book, knuckles white. My voice barely works. “Jace—wait.”
He stops, glances back. His jaw is set, eyes hard, but there’s something vulnerable there too, something I recognize from that night.
I swallow, my throat burning. “Can we talk? Just…for a minute?”
He hesitates, then nods. We move to the small reading nook behind the reference desk, away from the cameras. My hands shake so bad I have to sit.
Jace stands, arms crossed, staring down at me. “What’s going on, Carrie?”
The words spill out, faster than I can control them. “I can’t do this anymore. I haven’t slept in days. I’ve been throwing up every morning, and it’s not just nerves, it’s everything—Rodriguez, Marcy, Jinn, you, Levi, Nico—”
He frowns, his guard up, but I keep going, desperate now.
“Rodriguez put me in here. He threatened me, Jace. Said if I didn’t help him get dirt on you, on the club, he’d ruin me. I made a deal. That’s why I’m here. That’s the truth.”
The words hang there, raw and ugly. My chest heaves, tears threatening, but I force myself to meet his eyes. “I tried to keep you all safe. I never gave him anything real. But I’m so alone, and I’m scared all the time.”
Jace’s face goes still. The silence between us is heavy, crackling with everything unsaid. I wipe at my eyes, breath shaky. “I’m sorry. I just—I can’t carry this by myself anymore.”
He stands there, quiet, searching my face, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m telling the whole truth. I’m terrified of what he’ll say, if he’ll hate me, if this is the end.
He doesn’t say anything for a second—just stares at me like he’s trying to make sense of what I’ve just said. Then his voice comes out, louder than I expect, rough with disbelief. “Are you absolutely out of your mind? You’re working with that jerk?”
I flinch, tears stinging my eyes. “I didn’t have a choice, Jace. He threatened me. He said if I didn’t cooperate—”
“Sounds like the asshole I know.”
I nod, tears pricking my eyes. “Wait, you know him too?”
He scoffs, rubbing his jaw. “Yeah. He was at the station when we were brought in. Thought he was just some ATF asshole trying to make a name for himself. Didn’t know he’d crawl this deep into your life too.”
I swallow, guilt making my voice shake. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried to keep you out of it. I never gave him anything, Jace. I swear.”
He glares at the floor, breathing hard, then looks up at me, his eyes dark. “You should have told us. From the start. God, Carrie…”
I press my hand to my mouth, trying to keep it together. “I was scared. I’m still scared. I didn’t know who to trust.”
Jace shakes his head, clenching his jaw. “I can’t help you, Carrie. You made your own bed. Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you started playing both sides.”
His words sting, even though I know I deserve them. He walks away without another look back, leaving me sitting there, hands shaking, heart racing. I watch him disappear down the stacks, the ache in my chest getting heavier with every step he takes.
For a while, I just sit there, the silence swallowing me up. I feel trapped, like the walls are closing in, and the weight of everything I’ve done presses down so hard I can barely breathe.
If Rodriguez turns on me, I’m finished. If the truth comes out, I’m finished. I can’t go to prison. I can’t have this baby in a cell. The thought makes me want to scream, to run, to disappear. But I can’t run. There’s nowhere left to go.
My hand drifts to my belly. I can’t let anything happen to this baby. No matter what it costs. Even if it means betraying the men I’m falling in love with—Jace, Levi, Nico. The thought of it breaks something inside me, but the fear is stronger.
I blink back tears, realizing that for the first time in my life, I’m truly alone. And I have no idea how I’m going to survive this.