Chapter 28 #2
"Do you regret them?" I ask, then realize I'm echoing my question from the butterfly house. We both realize it, so I gather strength and ask one more time, "Like you regretted kissing me?"
His head snaps up, eyes locking with mine. "I never said I regretted kissing you."
"You pulled away," I remind him. "You said it was a mistake."
He's silent for a long moment, and I can almost see the internal struggle playing out behind his eyes. "Not because I didn't want it," he finally says, his voice lower, rougher. "Because I wanted it too much."
The admission hangs between us, charged with all the things left unsaid.
"Why is that a problem?" I press, needing to understand. "Wanting me?"
"Because I'm not right for you," he says, echoing what Ethan had said before he, too, surrendered to what was between us. "I've got secrets, Jade. Ugly ones. Things that would change the way you look at me."
I shake my head, moving down to the next step without even realizing it, in my need to get closer to him. The water now reaches my waist, but my focus is entirely on the man before me.
"I have secrets too," I tell him. "Things that aren't pretty. Things that have shaped me in ways I'm not proud of."
"Not like mine," he insists.
"You don't know that." I move closer, until barely inches separate us. "But I respect that you want to keep them. I just wish it wasn't so."
His hands finally come to rest on my waist, steadying me in the water, but the touch is electric. I can feel the heat of his palms through the thin material of my swimsuit, feel the slight tremor in his fingers that betrays his own struggle for control.
"One more step," he says, his voice tight. "Then we need to go under. Just for five seconds."
When I start to protest, he interrupts me by saying, "I'll go with you."
Fear surges anew at the thought of water closing over my head, but I've come too far to back down now. "Together?" I echo, uncertain.
He nods, his hands sliding down my arms until our fingers intertwine. "Together. I won't let go," he promises. "Not for a second."
I let him guide me to the final step, where the water laps just below my breasts. His hands hold mine firmly, our fingers locked together like we're making some silent pact.
"I'll count," he says. "Five seconds. That's all. And I'll be right there with you, the whole time."
I look into his eyes, drawing courage from the certainty I find there.
"Ready?" he asks.
I take a deep breath and nod.
"One, two, three."
We bend our knees in unison, letting the water rise to our chins, our ears, then over our heads.
The world goes muffled. Blue-green. My lungs seize with instinctive panic, but Declan's hands are wrapped around mine, solid and steady.
One... two...
I want to bolt for the surface, but I see him through the shimmer. His eyes are locked on mine, anchoring me.
Three... four...
My chest burns.
Five!
We burst upward together, breaking the surface with twin gasps. Water streams from my hair, my face, but I barely notice because I've done it! I've faced the fear that's haunted me and survived.
"You did it!" Declan's voice is filled with a joy I've never heard from him before. "Jade, you did it!"
The exhilaration of victory rushes through me, and I laugh, actually laugh, as my feet find the step again. "I did it," I echo, hardly believing it myself.
Without thinking, I throw my arms around his neck, caught up in the moment of triumph. His hands come to my waist automatically, holding me steady in the water. Our bodies press together, wet skin against wet skin, and suddenly the air between us changes, charged with something beyond celebration.
I become acutely aware of every point of contact between us. His broad chest against mine. His powerful thighs brushing my own. His hands, large and warm on my waist, fingers splayed across the small of my back.
"Jade," he says, my name a warning and a plea all at once.
I should pull away. I know I should. But the victory, the adrenaline, the heat of him against me... it all conspires to keep me exactly where I am, caught in his embrace.
Something breaks in his expression, restraint crumbling beneath desire. His hand slides up my back to cup the nape of my neck, fingers tangling in my wet hair. He pulls me closer, hesitating just a breath away from my lips.
"Last chance to stop this," he murmurs, his breath warm against my mouth.
"I don't want to stop," I confess.
The last thread of his control snaps. His mouth claims mine with a hunger that steals my breath. This isn't the tentative kiss we shared in the butterfly house. This is raw, primal need, a dam breaking after holding back for too long.
I respond with equal fervor, my hands gripping his shoulders, feeling the play of muscle beneath wet skin. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and I welcome the invasion, pressing closer until there's not a whisper of space between us.
Water laps around us, no longer a source of fear but a cocoon, isolating us from the world. His hands roam my back, my sides, learning the shape of me through the clinging fabric of my swimsuit. When his fingers brush the underside of my breast, I gasp into his mouth.
He breaks the kiss only to trail his lips along my jaw, my neck, finding a pulse point that makes me shudder. "We should stop," he mumbles against my skin, even as his actions contradict his words.
"Why?" I manage to ask, my head falling back to give him better access.
His teeth graze my collarbone, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through me. "Because once I start," he says, his voice a low growl that vibrates against my throat, "I don't think I'll be able to stop."
I pull back just enough to look at him, to see the raw hunger in his eyes, the struggle for control etched in the tense lines of his face. My heart pounds not with fear now, but with anticipation. With need.
"Then don't stop," I whisper, running my fingers down his chest, feeling him shudder beneath my touch. "Don't stop, Declan."
His eyes darken to midnight, pupils blown wide with desire. His hands tighten on my waist, lifting me slightly in the water, bringing our bodies even closer together.
"Not here," he says, his voice strained with the effort of restraint. "Not like this."
But even as he says it, his mouth finds mine again, devouring, possessing. I can feel him hard against my stomach, feel the tremor that runs through him when I press closer.
In this moment, surrounded by the water I've feared for so long, I've never felt more alive. More free. More certain of what I want.
And what I want is him.