Chapter 19
Hank felt his entire body strain with violence. His bear wanted to kill the rival now. His mind strained to hold the animal back. Of course, she had a boyfriend. She’d told him so.
Meanwhile, she brought the phone to her ear. He wanted to snatch it away and roar into the phone. He controlled himself only by clenching his hands into fists and grabbing onto a Zen mantra in his mind.
The greatest worth is self-mastery. The greatest worth is self-mastery.
He would not kill her boyfriend. But he would listen in to her conversation without apology. Fortunately, his ears were good enough to hear it all.
“Hello, Yu. I’m so sorry—”
“You got caught up in your work. So what else is new? Hey, I sent over an email. I’ve got a theory of what the Detroit Flu does to the neural system as it pairs with the endocrine—”
“Yes, I saw.” Her voice was impatient, and she rolled her eyes as she spoke. “It’s an interesting thought, but I haven’t got the resources to investigate it. Listen, Yu—”
“I know, I know,” he said still laughing. “I thought we could work on it when you get back. Before the next outbreak—”
She snorted. “There’s always an outbreak, but Yu—”
“Not if you put in for a transfer. Not if we get a grant, and with my credentials, we could get a big one—”
“Yu, stop!”
He did. A long pause as she took a breath.
“Look, I’m sorry to do this over the phone, but we’re over. Please understand that I think you’re an incredible guy, but we’re just not compatible. I’m so sorry.”
Silence again, and then rustling as the man shifted his grip on the phone. “Cecilia? What are you talking about?”
“Look, I could give you reasons and explanations, but they won’t help. You know there’s never been any real passion between us. You forget me as often as I forget you. I can’t even remember the last time we kissed.”
“What?” He didn’t sound angry, just really confused. “Cecilia, when was the last time you slept?”
“About two seconds ago. I was asleep when you called.”
“So this is a dream? Or because of a dream? You know you don’t think clearly on a case. And this Flu is a nasty one. You’ve been going nonstop—”
“Do you remember our last kiss? Have we ever held hands?” She looked down at where her fingers were entwined with his.
Yu’s answer came out slow. “We’re intellectuals. We don’t need that kind of display.”
“Well,” she said with a smile, “I guess I’m not as intellectual as we thought. I’m sorry Yu, but we’re done. Good-bye.”
She thumbed off her phone and set it down. Then she looked straight into Hank’s eyes, touching his face with a slow caress that he felt in every cell in his body. “I never put it together before now. With Yu, it’s just…thinking. With you, I feel so much. More than I ever thought possible.”
He felt his center warm at that. She was coming around to him. Or maybe he was starting to believe she could love him. But it wasn’t enough. “We need to get to know each other better.”
She squared off with him, her expression shifting into challenge. “Okay. Let’s start with what we do know. What do you know and like about me?”
He couldn’t begin to name them all, but he started rattling off generalities. “You don’t freeze in a crisis, you think and think well. You make me laugh when I feel at my worst. And you have this way of talking doctor that gets me hard.”
“What?”
He tried to mimic her. He lifted his chin and stared down his nose at her. “This is Hank. He’s here to help. If you question me, I’ll cut off your balls.”
She laughed. “I did not say that.”
This time he was the one who touched her. “Of course, you did. With your body and your tone. And I loved it.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “It’s part of being an alpha female.”
She blinked. “I’m not an— I mean, I…” She frowned. “Am I?”
He grinned. “Oh yeah.”
“Huh. Go figure.” Then she wrapped her arms around him and dropped a kiss on his nose. “Want to hear what I like about you?” she asked.
More than he wanted his next breath.
“The guys I know are all really smart, but give them a hangnail and they fall apart. Brilliant in their own field of study, but anything outside of their expertise, and they’re a mess.
They’re so threatened whenever they don’t know the answer, but you just roll with it.
You let others have the answers if you don’t, and you pitch in without ego when you do. It’s wonderful.”
He lowered his forehead to hers. “I have an ego.”
“But it doesn’t get in the way.” She wrinkled her nose. “And by the way, I’m talking about myself, too. If I don’t solve this Flu, I’m going to fall apart. Fair warning.”
He smiled. “I know. Don’t worry. I’ll be there to pick you up.”
She pulled back. “You’re supposed to say that I will figure out it. That you have faith in me, and I’ll get a promotion because of my brilliance. All the normal boyfriend bullshit.”
He shrugged. “This is a shifter poison. Even if you do figure it out, you won’t be able to tell.
At least not the normal people.” He tried to put an apology in his tone, but she had to know the truth.
Even if she got a magic formula that solved all their problems, she wouldn’t be able to share it with anyone but the shifter community.
That would be very hard for her. For anyone in her position.
Her mouth opened in shock and stayed that way for at least three breaths. He could see her mind working the angles, trying for a solution that would satisfy everybody. “But this is important research. It’s a medical problem. People are dying!”
He nodded. He knew. “Tell the shifters. We’ll tell our kind.”
“But it’s not just your kind who are dying. And what about Brittany? She didn’t even know she was part shifter. What about all those hybrids out there?”
“We have people in every part of the world. We’ll get the information out to those who need it.”
She shook her head. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. Brittany’s one in a hundred. That means for every Brittany, there are ninety-nine people who start to become hybrids but don’t make it. Their higher cortex dies, and they turn aggressive and angry.”
He winced. He hadn’t realized stable hybrids were that rare.
“If I find a solution, we can’t keep this secret.”
He didn’t argue with her. They weren’t going to agree. Sure, it would be wonderful if they could spread the information to the World Health Organization or whatever national and international scientific body needed to know, but that’s not how the shifter world worked. It sucked, but it was a fact.
She swallowed and looked away. “See? That’s what I like about you, even when I hate it.”
He frowned. “Come again?”
“You respect me enough to tell me what you see as the truth. And you let me disagree with you.” She leaned forward.
“And for the record, I do disagree. If I figure out a cure, I’m publicizing it.
I’ll try to keep the magic out of it.” She rolled her eyes.
“I’ll have to if I want anyone to read it, but I’m giving it to whomever will take it. ”
He took a deep breath. “We’ll find a compromise. When you figure this out—and for the record, I do think you will solve it—then we’ll work out a solution together.”
She tilted her head. “You believe that? Really?”
He wasn’t sure what she referred to. Did he believe she would solve the medical problem? If anyone could, it would be her. Did he think they’d reach a compromise? He hoped so. He really did.
She snorted. “I also like that you don’t lie to me. You think this is going to be a problem.”
He shrugged. “I think that this is a future fight. Right now, we need all your energy on solving the problem.”
She nodded her head. “Agreed.” She brought her hands up to his shoulders and used her thumb to tease the hair at the base of his neck. “You talked about seeing the Randolphs in the hospital room. About the love they shared.”
He nodded, the memory still having the power to make his gut clench in yearning.
“I remember the moment a little differently. I saw the happy family pulling together…”
“Yes—”
“Because of you.”
He pulled back. “No—”
“Yes. All day, you stood there. You never even sat down. You stood there watching, helping where you could, and most of all…you listened. I never felt threatened in that room. Not even when Abby went all big and bear.”
“You should have been frightened. That situation could have gone bad any number of ways.”
“I know, but that’s the thing. You were there and you’re so solid…
” She slid her hand down his shoulder then across his chest. “You don’t fall apart ever.
You’re not hampered by ego. You don’t falter when we’re attacked by rabid wolves.
You listen with respect to whatever anyone says.
And you care.” She spread her fingers open, her eyes going down to where she pressed against his heart.
“You know who you are, you listen, and you care. That’s what I saw in that room.
That because you were so solid, the rest of us could find our strength.
You gave us space to be as we wanted because none of it threatened you, and that kept everybody calm.
Even in the midst of chaos, you gave us all strength. ”
So many words, such precision in phrasing. God, he loved this woman. What she said may or may not be bullshit. He honestly didn’t know. He felt the resonance in his core, though. And he loved that she saw his strength. But as for quiet…He shook his head.
“I’m terrified all the time now,” he said softly. “Since the moment I met you, I’m terrified you’ll get hurt. That you’ll run from me. That I won’t be able to protect you, help you…” Love you.
She grinned. “Well, I’m not running now, am I? And you’re right here with me.”
Yes, he was. And that meant that right now, he was content. More than content, he was blissfully happy. He was about to kiss her. She was angling her head for just that, and he was leaning in for a taste. Or a lot more than a taste.
But then her stomach rumbled, loud and empty. A sure sound to any shifter that he had neglected his mate. She was hungry. He pulled back and asked a very serious question.
“Will you let me feed you? Cook for you?”
She blinked, obviously startled. Then she burst out in laughter. “That’s like asking me if I want a Nobel prize. Of course, I want that!”
He grinned. “How much food do you have here?”
She blinked. “Um, tap water?”
“Poisoned.”
“Right. So I think I have…um…let me think. Absolutely nothing.”
“Let’s go to the grocery store. There are a few that still have something on the shelves. And then I will make you a feast.”
She laughed. “I don’t care if it’s an expired hot dog. I’m starving.”
He took her to a grocery store. He didn’t let her eat any hot dogs, expired or otherwise.
The place was indeed stripped of all the easy foods, but they had Spam left and soups that had been canned outside of Detroit.
Bottled water, too, mostly because no one outside of the shifter community believed that the water was tainted.
He grabbed a couple jars of spices and some fresh fruit while she snatched up the last granola bars left on the shelf.
They talked the whole time. At the grocery store, while he cooked, and while they ate. He rubbed her feet while she read the data Dennis had sent via email. And then he rubbed her all over, spending extra time on the breasts he had so ignored earlier.
They had intended to watch a movie together, but she was the only thing that interested him. And it turned out that sixty-nine wasn’t the only fun way to experience oral. There were advantages to having a doctor as a lover.
All in all, it was the best night of his life.
She was with him, she saw him, and she listened.
Not just to his funny stories, but to his tales of the army and of his dead brother.
He hadn’t spoken about these things to anyone, but they came out with her.
And it felt so good to share them, even as she spoke of her life in school and of being overshadowed by a brilliant father and a domineering mother.
They would have talked all night, but he knew she needed to rest. She needed to tackle the Detroit Flu with fresh eyes tomorrow.
So well after midnight, he tucked her against his side and held her quiet until she slept.
He drifted off, too, dropping into a deeply relaxed state, one that nourished him far beyond what he was used to.
It was because of her. Because she held him as she rested and that made him content at his core.
Bliss.
Which is why he was caught off guard when the werewolves woke them at dawn.