Chapter 11 Sleepless Nights
Chapter eleven
Sleepless Nights
Cole parked in front of the house and got out.
I unclipped my seatbelt slowly. Every muscle hurt, and I had no energy.
She opened my car door.
“Wait for me in the living room,” she commanded as I stepped out of the car.
I nodded my understanding and made my way towards the house.
In the living room, I didn’t know where to sit or what to do. We had never used the space together. Most of my time within Pack Sandstorm had been spent working or staying out of the way in my room, passing the time.
Passing time.
I thought I only had five weeks before I’d be back in Pack Blizzard, back to Ashford.
Would she hand me back now?
“Why are you standing in the middle of the room?” she asked.
I turned to her.
She was smart, powerful, beautiful, the future Alpha of Pack Sandstorm.
I was an omega. A nobody from a small pack that didn’t even want me.
Cole sighed, and I realised I hadn’t responded, only stared at her.
She put her arm around my shoulder and tried to guide me to a couch, but I shrugged her off.
“Don’t,” I said, walking over to the couch and sitting stiffly. “What now?” I asked.
Cole ran her hand through her messy hair.
“I want to shower, eat, and sleep,” she said.
I looked at her angrily. She was being deliberately obtuse.
“You know what I meant,” I challenged.
She frowned and took a quick step towards me.
I flinched. Her movement was unexpected, and my senses seemed to be on hyperalert.
Cole stilled.
“You’re scared of me now?” she asked.
I laughed humourlessly.
“I’ve been scared of you since we met,” I told her.
She seemed genuinely upset by what I had said, shock and disbelief flashing across her face.
“It can’t be that much of a revelation,” I said.
“If you’ve been so scared of me all this time, why do you keep testing me?” she asked.
Cole was right. I hadn’t been able to stop myself from challenging her.
I’d never pushed Ashford as I had her. It wasn’t that I felt safer with Cole.
I understood the danger. I’d heard the rumours, and I’d watched her rearrange the face of a man for what?
Being rude? Ashford was nothing compared to Cole, and still, I just couldn’t control myself.
“I don’t know,” I answered with a shrug. “Maybe I’m just dumb,” I suggested.
Cole growled and walked towards me, standing over me.
I ducked my head, unable to look at her. My body hummed with the need to submit, to protect myself. My instincts were all over the place.
She gripped my jaw and pushed my head up.
“How you speak about yourself reflects on me. I never want to hear you referring to yourself as dumb again,” she told me.
“Okay,” I answered automatically. She released me frustratedly.
“Don’t do that,” she said, stepping away from me.
“Okay,” I answered again.
“Stop it,” she warned, her voice gruff with a growl that rumbled with her words. “I mean it,” she said, stepping back towards me again.
My heart hammered in my chest. Instinct and fear thrummed through me. She stopped in front of me, her hand on the armrest, her other hand pressed into the couch on my other side as she bent forward, making us face to face.
“I don’t want you weak. I don’t want you submissive. It makes me sick,” she told me.
“What do you want then?” I asked.
“I want to be tested,” she said, her voice low and sultry. She leaned closer, dipping her lips to my ear. “I want to put you in your place, and I want you to want to be there.”
A shiver ran down my spine, and the muscles in my back protested with a dull ache.
The scent of her pheromones drifted around me, like the remnants of perfume left on clothing. Subtle, enjoyable, the type that made you want to press your nose against fabric and take a deeper inhale.
“You want a willing omega,” I said.
That’s what they all wanted. Porn was full of screaming, moaning, begging, so-called omegas. It was the ultimate locker-room boys-talk fantasy.
“That’s what every alpha wants,” I told her.
Cole growled.
Her scent increased, and I leaned back against the couch, trying to preserve the untainted air.
The scent of Cole was heady. I had to create space because I so desperately wanted to lean into her.
“We really need to work on this problem of yours. You don’t know what you’re doing to me,” she warned, following me.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you really unaware?” she asked me, pressing her forehead against mine and closing her eyes. “Hmm?” she hummed, and the melodic sound travelled to the core of my chest. “Your pheromones,” she nearly purred.
It was like a jolt of cold in a sauna, bringing the situation into clarity. I… I was horny. It felt absurd to recognise, but when had the discomfort in my belly turned to desire?
“I can’t—”
“Shh,” Cole interrupted, her nose pressing against mine, her lips brushing mine.
“You make me,” I argued and pushed against her.
When had my hands moved to rest on her waist?
I was drowning, I realised. And it had taken me too long to realise.
“Cole?” I said, clinging to the only life raft I had, desperate enough to beg the water for help.
She made a gruff groan in recognition, and her lips brushed softly, more fully against mine, hesitating just long enough to feel like a kiss, a ghost of one.
“I don’t want to drown,” I told her.
We shared a few heavy breaths, Cole’s lips just a hair's width from mine. I ached with the need to know her lips again.
I pulled her waist closer to me.
Cole groaned, pressing forward and kissing me, hard, slowly, like she was balancing on a knife's edge for control.
I kissed her back, recklessly, my hands moving to claw at her back, pushing my fingers under her top. The warmth of her skin was something addictive.
When she stopped kissing me back, pulling away, I continued to chase her, kissing down her jaw.
She was standing and backing away from me, looking at me with a pained look of hunger and trepidation.
“I can’t,” she said. I was breathing heavily, dizzy from the taste of her.
She growled deliciously low and came quickly back to me, holding my face in her hands and kissing me fiercely, more passionately than before.
She broke the second kiss more quickly.
“I’m sorry,” she said, pained.
I held onto her tighter. I was hot and needed to be hotter. I was drowning and needed to drink her.
“Please,” I begged.
She growled deliciously low and easily pulled herself free from me before she stormed out of the room, and I heard the bathroom door upstairs slam shut.
I sat, trying to catch my breath, the loss of her feeling like being physically hit.
We couldn’t leave it like this.
It took a few minutes, but I gathered my energy and followed Cole upstairs.
At the top of the stairs, I could hear the sound of the shower running from the bathroom.
I knocked on the bathroom door.
“We need to talk,” I called through the door.
Only the sound of the shower answered.
I knocked again. Waited. I knocked again. Waited.
I raised my fist to knock again—the door was pulled open violently.
Cole stood in front of me, in only a towel, her hair wet and dripping, water droplets glistening across her collarbone, and steam from the bathroom behind her drifted forward.
“What?” she asked harshly.
“We need to talk,” I said, sheepishly.
“You’re playing a dangerous game,” she accused.
“I’m not playing a game,” I argued.
“What are you doing chasing me like a lost puppy then?” she asked.
“I… I didn’t mean… we can’t ignore this,” I said.
She stepped forward, and we were toe to toe, though she was taller than me.
“Move,” she commanded.
“Cole,” I begged, standing my ground. I needed to know what had happened, what this meant for me, and somehow manage to keep eye contact. “Do you really plan to just ignore what happened?” I asked.
“What happened, exactly?” she asked.
“You know,” I answered.
“You can’t even say it,” she scoffed and pressed forward. I stepped back without any choice, and she pushed me back further.
I looked away.
“Pathetic,” she hissed and turned, walking down the corridor and into her bedroom.
I stood in the hallway; a drop dripped from my chin, and I lifted my hand curiously to inspect it. I was crying. I hadn’t even noticed. What was wrong with me?
Eventually, I built up the energy to enter the bathroom and shower, washing the dirt from my body and the forest litter that had tangled in my hair before I fell into bed.
Sleep was surprisingly easy to find. My body sank into the mattress and the warmth of the duvet.
I dreamt of blurring trees and of rock and dirt under my nails as I propelled myself forward.
Chasing a deer, I could almost feel what it would be like to bite down; the anticipation burst within me.
When I leapt to take it down, I was intercepted.
Wolves lunged at me from all angles, tearing into my flesh.
I ran and ran, but I wasn’t fast enough; there were too many of them, and there was no escape—
“Wake up,” Cole demanded.
I did, clutching my chest with one hand and checking that my thigh wasn’t ripped open with the other.
Cole held me down against the mattress, stilling me easily.
“Hey, hey,” she said softly. “It’s just a dream.”
I gasped for air.
“You were dreaming. Shh, deep breaths,” she encouraged, showing what she wanted from me, inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling slowly through her mouth. I copied her. “Just like that, good girl,” she praised.
When I was breathing normally, she released my arms and stood to leave.
I reached out for her wrist. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to go back there.
She looked at me expectantly.
“Don’t leave,” I said, my voice feeling small, easily lost in the darkness.
Even in the darkness of the room, I could see her hesitation.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she said.
“Please,” I begged.
She looked away from me but nodded.
“You can lie beside me,” I offered when she sat on the edge of the bed.
I saw her jaw tense, and she moved, lying down on her side and facing me.
I lay on my back.