Chapter 18 Midnight Calls
Chapter eighteen
Midnight Calls
Cole
Ihad to leave the house.
If I didn’t, I was going to tear open her bedroom door and…
What would I have done?
Marked her against her will?
Fucked her?
It was the hardest night of my life.
I’d never fought with my control like that before. I didn’t even know it was possible to be so, so… wolf outside of the full moon.
I ran my hands over my hair.
I felt sick with myself.
Who was I?
What was wrong with me?
She goaded me so easily. I could see it then, in the cold darkness, looking up at the light in her window.
I was fucking psychotic, unable to truly leave, because what if she was gone when I came back? What if she packed her bag, left, and went back to him?
I shook the thought from my mind and produced an audible growl.
Did she want to go back to him?
Did she care for him?
Were they together?
Did she call him her alpha?
I’d never even considered it before.
Darren said the Blizzard boy treated her like a pet, like something to show off, putting her in dresses that were smaller and smaller. He said sometimes she’d be at the games, and he could see she was bruised. Bruises in the shape of fingers and hands.
Was it abuse or…
No.
But I’d never asked about her relationship with the Blizzard boy.
I wanted to smoke. The chill of the air was not enough to cool my chest; maybe I could smother the heat with smoke. It was a shame I quit.
Hannah had begged. Said she couldn’t stand the smell. After I stopped, I kind of agreed. But sometimes I missed the smell.
I missed the smell of Harriet.
The smell of her arousal.
I had smelled her arousal before. I know I had. It wasn’t all in my head. It wasn’t all unwelcome.
How could I have grabbed her like that, thrown her around like that? She was too small.
I pulled out my phone and rang Sara.
“Cole, are you at the bonfire?” she asked, her voice groggy; clearly, she had been asleep.
“No, I didn’t attend,” I told her.
“Why are you calling?” she asked. I heard her sitting up in bed. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just. I’m feeling kind of wolfish,” I said, unable to find the words to tell my older sister that I was somehow struggling with my instincts worse than I had ever known anyone to experience.
“Wolfish?” she asked.
“Is something wrong?” I heard Branden ask.
“Everything’s fine. I don’t know why I’m calling. I didn’t mean to wake you two up,” I told her dismissively, regretting calling her.
“Hey, hold on. You’re not injured?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
“You’ve not injured someone else and need help?” she continued.
Usually, I’d have rolled my eyes at such a question.
“No, but I could have,” I admitted. “And it felt like I had no control, like it was my wolf,” I explained. “I don’t know. I’m fine now. Just needed air,” I told her.
“I’m worried about you. We need to talk tomorrow.” I heard her shuffle around. “Or more accurately, later this morning.” Her voice was all business, meaning I had done or not done something and she was going to micromanage.
“I regret calling you,” I told her.
She laughed and hung up.
I pocketed my phone.
I felt better after hearing her voice.
Sara was good at distracting me with a new problem I didn’t previously know I had.
Wondering what it was that Sara was apparently worried over grounded me in my responsibilities and made it easier to ignore the need to go inside and find Harriet and…
I shook my head again.
No.
Sepher Logistics had paid up. Blizzard would be brought into step soon enough. It was slow, work-wise, for me. What was Sara concerned with?
The light in Harriet’s window eventually went out, and the cold of the night cooled my instincts enough to feel safe entering my own home.
I didn’t know Harriet, not really. My wolf recognised her as mine under the full moon, and maybe a part of me had recognised her as such since I first laid eyes on her.
Everything was fucked.
Sara was in her late forties; she wasn’t going to have any more children, and even if she did, we didn’t have the time to wait a couple of decades to discover their presentation. The Pack needed a clear line of succession that didn’t end with me.
I didn’t even want children. That’s something Hannah and I agreed on. We were going to be the fun aunts or great-aunts, more accurately, whenever Darren met someone and started a family.
He knew I hated it when he called me Auntie. We were more like siblings than Sara and I were, given our age difference.
Andrew was a headache; one I’d never get rid of.
I hadn’t yet managed to accept that I would eventually have to sleep with him.
Sara and the Council had thankfully agreed to a summer wedding next year, and we were to start trying to conceive immediately. I had just under eight months of freedom left. Or rather, I used to.
Since the last full moon, all I could think about was Harriet. She was perfect. The sex last week only confirmed it. I’d never been so turned on, so in that headspace of utter dominance. And she was there with me. My equal opposite.
I had been doing my best to avoid her since she told me to leave her alone. Since I realised that it was impossible to reconcile Harriet with my responsibility to the Pack.
It was impossible.
She crowded my mind and snuck into every thought.
I made my way upstairs, hovering in the space between our respective room doors, listening for her.
I thought about knocking, apologising. I didn’t.
Partly because part of me was still riled, angry that she would ever claim someone other than me, and I wouldn’t apologise for something so wrong.
And partly because I didn’t trust myself when it came to Harriet.
I went to bed instead.
***
Chloe was knocking on the door before I had even had time to pour myself coffee.
I had barely slept; dreams of the last argument I had with Hannah had morphed into Harriet and tormented me all night.
“Alpha Sara called me late last night; you have a meeting this morning scheduled for 7.30,” she said as I opened the door.
I looked down at the cardboard coffee cup in her hand.
“Is that for me?” I asked.
She looked at me, and I registered that it was the first time she ever seemed taken aback. Was there something noticeably off with me?
“Yes, of course,” she answered.
I turned and put on my shoes and jacket, ready to leave.
Harriet hadn’t left her room yet. I wondered if she was waiting for me to leave the house first. Usually, she was out of her room and in the shower by now. Was she willing to be late and face an upset Alan more than she was willing to face me?
“Alpha Sara did not give any objectives for this meeting,” Chloe said as she handed me the coffee cup and we began to walk.
I enjoyed Lucian Hill, the community feel, and the ability to walk to the Pack House.
“Sara asked that you meet her at home,” Chloe said when I turned towards the Pack House.
“At home?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said and paused before continuing. “Unusual,” she commented.
I took a drink of my coffee and chose not to respond to her obvious curiosity.
Chloe was Sara’s doing, handpicked as my personal assistant.
I changed direction for Sara’s.
She said Chloe was necessary, that James, my real assistant, was a general admin assistant, more business-oriented, and that I needed a personal assistant to help with day-to-day scheduling.
It was an excuse to keep an eye on me. Make sure I was playing my part after Hannah left.
What did she expect: that I’d run?
I’d thought about it.
I certainly had enough hidden away that even Sara didn’t know about.
But Sandstorm was my Pack, my home, my family. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, abandon everyone that relied on me.
In the end, I wasn’t even brave enough to face the reality of the situation. Hannah did that for both of us.
“An unscheduled meeting…” Chloe continued as we walked, letting the statement hang in the air, fishing for the reason as to why Sara had summoned me unexpectedly this morning.
I ignored her and took another drink of the coffee as we reached the driveway of my sister’s home.
“You’ve made sure I got here, as I’m sure Sara requested; now go do something useful. Pick up breakfast for Harriet. Get her something she can eat as she walks to the Pack House. A savoury croissant,” I instructed.
“I might be required as a result of the outcome of your meeting—” she began.
“Go. Now,” I demanded.
I couldn’t stand the woman. I was sure Sara was amused by her choice in Chloe.
“Of course,” she answered and walked away.
I pressed the camera doorbell next to the driveway entrance to announce my presence.
“Come on in,” Sara’s voice crackled over the speaker.
The gate wasn’t locked.
Inside, Darren was sitting at the dining table, a bowl of sugary cereal in front of him and the carton of milk beside it.
“Cole!” he said, surprised to see me. “About last night,” he began sheepishly, his spoon hanging in the air between the bowl and his mouth.
He should be sheepish. He had taken Harriet to the bonfire without informing me, and I had thought I had made it clear the morning of the full moon that I wouldn’t allow him to recklessly endanger her.
“In future, nephew, inform me of your intentions before you take my omega,” I told him.
“Yeah, of course, sure,” he said.
“Cole,” Sara called, interrupting us.
“We’ll continue this conversation later,” I told him and continued to the kitchen to throw away what was left of the coffee before heading upstairs to Sara’s home office.
Sara’s home office was more cosy than professional, smaller than her office within the Pack House.
A large window faced the door. On one side of the room was a metal standing desk with her desktop computer and a walking treadmill under the desk.
On the other side was a leather sofa in front of a low coffee table, where Sara sat waiting for me.
“Cole,” she greeted and smiled.