39. Audrey
AUDREY
I spent Wednesday and Thursday night in Ridge’s bed. I felt like a college kid on my first holiday with a boyfriend, and except for a couple of calls from Ella, it was like being in someone else’s life.
Ridge cooked for me, and we walked through the fields around the house with Blue. We shared stories from our childhoods, which weren’t actually that different. We ate ice cream in bed and danced naked to our favorite music and fucked so much that I was sore.
I didn’t even think about the fact that I was still in Ridge’s bed until Holden flung open the door Thursday night.
“You lucky fucking bastard,” Holden said, his voice light-hearted in spite of the recrimination. “I’m going to set your bed on fire.”
Ridge threw a pillow at him from across the room. “Get out.”
“Sorry!” I called out as Holden shut the door.
Ridge and I dissolved into laughter and I wondered how I’d come to feel so at home on the ranch in such a short time.
I also wondered about Graham: what he thought about the fact that I was in Ridge’s bed, if he cared.
Then I wondered why I cared if he cared.
By the time I woke up early for work Friday morning, I was sore between my thighs and wondering if I’d actually done damage to myself with so much fucking.
I took a quick shower while Ridge slept, threw on my scrubs, and went downstairs for coffee.
And there was Graham, already up in spite of the fact that he and Holden had gotten in late and it was so early the sun was just starting to stream through the house.
“Morning.” Blue was lying on the floor, clearly waiting for Graham to give his next order, and I dropped my hand to pet his head. “Morning, boy.”
Graham sipped from the steaming mug in his hand. “Morning.”
And I had to say, he made the early hour look good. His weathered face made me think of early mornings outside, before anyone else was awake. Of hidden moments and secrets between the sheets.
He was wearing another henley — his shirt of choice it seemed — this time in dark blue over his trademark faded jeans, his boots already on, like he was itching to hop on Cash and head out.
To where, I didn’t know, but it seemed Graham was always riding out.
Alone, of course, except for Blue.
I headed for the coffee machine, embarrassed to meet Graham’s eyes. I had zero doubt Holden had told him that I’d been in Ridge’s bed the night before.
“How was the auction?” I asked.
“Good enough,” Graham said. “Picked up a young bull. He’ll be good for breeding.”
I put a travel mug under the machine. “Do you do that to have more cows on the ranch? Or to sell the offspring?”
“Depends on the offspring,” he said. “Sometimes we keep them, sometimes we sell them. Most often we loan the bulls out for stud for a fee.”
“What happens to the cows here?” I asked while I waited for my coffee. “Eventually, I mean.”
“Most of them are breeding stock,” he said. “We sell a few when the time is right to local restaurants. Grass-fed beef is all the rage apparently.” His voice was dry. “Didn’t know it was special until recently. Our cattle have always been grass fed.”
“And that’s enough?” I asked, removing my mug from under the coffee machine. “To keep the place running?”
He shifted, and a guarded shadow dropped over his features.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s none of my business. I just never knew anyone who owned a real farm — or ranch — before. It’s all new to me.”
“It’s mostly enough,” he said. “We sell hay too.”
I nodded and put the lid on my cup. “Well, I hope you have a nice day. Ella will be here tonight, so I’ll see you Sunday night, I guess.”
He nodded. “That you will.”
Don’t sound so excited, I thought as I headed for the door.
It was dumb. It didn’t matter whether Graham liked me. And it definitely didn’t matter whether Graham wanted me.
I was only here because I had to be. Because I’d lost the Hunt.
Was I actually looking to fuck more than just Ridge and Holden?
Go to work, slut.
The hospital was busy, which wasn’t unusual for a Friday.
Lots of people liked to kick off their weekend early, and I spent the day rushing between two trauma patients from early morning car accidents, several burn patients from a fertilizer explosion at a local orchid operation, and three infants, one with pneumonia who had to be admitted and two with RSV.
I was beat by the time I left the hospital, excited to pick up Ella from school, get her back to the cottage on the farm. It had been fun having a two-night sleepover with Ridge, but I needed a little space to process my feelings, and I missed my girl.
We stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up the few things we needed to make Ella’s favorite pasta, fettuccini Alfredo with chicken and peas.
We were also going to make chocolate chip peanut butter cookies, but we already had the stuff for those thanks to the stuff the Bulls (Graham?) had stocked in our kitchen last weekend.
I pulled through the gate at the ranch with a familiar feeling of relief I still didn’t understand, and we drove past Graham in the corral, Blue standing by the fence at the ready, Ridge making his way to the main house from the workshop.
He lifted a hand in greeting as we passed and I did the same.
The tractor wasn’t in the tractor barn. Holden must have had it out in one of the fields.
“Can we stop and see Blue, Mommy?” Ella said from the back seat.
“Not right now, honey. He’s working with Graham.”
“But he likes me!”
“Of course he does, but we don’t want to disturb his work.”
“Tomorrow?” Ella asked.
“We’ll see.”
I didn’t want to make promises to Ella about the Bulls, and I was wary of letting her get too comfortable with them. We wouldn’t be here long, and Ella had already had enough loss in her life.
I pulled up to the house and unloaded Ella and the groceries.
I turned on the lamps inside the cottage and told Ella she could play outside while I cooked dinner.
I was surprised to find I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.
My life was still a mess — Dean wouldn’t take my calls which meant he was almost surely up to something, and I had no idea what we’d find at the old Bluebird Machine warehouse in Harrison — but something about the ranch, with its wide open spaces and all the animals, and the little cottage with the windows open to the warm spring air — lowered my blood pressure.
The rest of it didn’t hurt either: the three men who were close enough to step in if there was a problem, something I hadn’t realized I’d been missing living alone with Ella in the apartment in Carlton.
We ate at the kitchen table and Ella told me about her school day. First grade was winding down for summer, and her days were filled with fun activities as the learning slowed to make room for fun.
She didn’t say much about her nights with Dean. I asked if she’d gone to work with Daddy — now that I knew about the warehouse I didn’t want her there — but she’d said no, that they’d stayed home and had pizza, that she’d colored and watched her shows while Dean worked in his home office.
I wondered if there would ever be a time when I would relax knowing Ella was with Dean. Then I thought about Ridge’s offer — about Graham’s offer — and wondered again if that was the only way.
I pushed it aside while I helped Ella with her bath, then snuggled in bed with her to read A Wrinkle in Time.
This time Ridge didn’t visit, and I poured a glass of wine and sat on the porch alone, looking out over the fields, a crescent moon hanging over the long grass, wondering why I missed him already.