22. Things Get Weirder
Chapter twenty-two
Things Get Weirder
Two weeks after the midnight stairs, I called Tara.
"I think I might be a disaster," I said when she picked up.
"I've been waiting for this call." I could hear her settling in: the creak of her couch, the clink of a wine glass. "Tell me everything."
"There's... a situation."
"How many situations?"
Silence.
"Serena."
"I don't know what's happening," I said. The words came out in a rush; I'd been holding them back for weeks. "Jasper and I have something. It's real, it's good, better than good. He's kind and funny and he looks at me like I'm—" I stopped, tried again. "Like I matter. Like I've always mattered."
"That sounds healthy. That sounds like the opposite of a disaster."
"But."
"There's a but."
"There's a but." I pressed my free hand against my eyes.
"Callum has been doing this thing where he's just...
always around. Protective. Intense. He barely talks to me, but he's there, and when he does talk, it's—" I didn't know how to describe it.
The way Callum's rare words landed like stones in still water.
The way his presence made me feel simultaneously watched and safe. "It's something."
"Something romantic?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Probably." I groaned. "He brought me coffee this morning. Black, one sugar. He remembered from weeks ago. And he just set it down and walked away without saying anything, but the way he looked at me—"
"Okay, so you've got a broody protector type bringing you coffee. That's... a lot. But also kind of hot?"
"Tara."
"I'm just saying."
"And then there's Eli," I said.
The silence on her end was pointed.
"The third brother," I continued before she could say anything. "The one I told you about; the archivist."
"The one with the glasses and the old books."
"Yes."
"The one you said was 'intellectually compelling.'"
I winced. "Did I say that?"
"You said that. You also said he had 'interesting hands,' which I noted at the time was a weird thing to say about someone you weren't attracted to."
"My late nights with Eli are their own thing.
" I pulled my knees up to my chest, making myself small on the bed.
"I don't have a word for it. We talk for hours.
About everything. Books, art, the town's history, my work, his research.
And sometimes he looks at me like he's trying to memorize me, and I—"
"And you what?"
"I kissed him," I admitted. "In the archive. Weeks ago. Before Jasper and I, well not before Jasper and I— but, you know, before we were anything official."
"Uh huh… Okay."
"And I haven't stopped thinking about it."
"Oh my God."
"That's not helpful."
"It's the only appropriate response." A pause, and I could picture her expression, half-amused, half-concerned, entirely Tara. "So let me get this straight. You're in a relationship with Jasper. You have some kind of tension thing with Callum. And you can't stop thinking about kissing Eli."
"When you say it like that, I sound insane."
"You sound fucking lucky, like one of those chicks in a high spice series."
"That's worse."
"Is it though? Why are you yuckin’ your own yum?" I heard her take a sip of wine. "Serena, you've never let yourself want things. You're always so damn cautious. You're treating this like a crisis instead of asking yourself why."
"Because it is a crisis. I'm not—I don't do this. I'm not the kind of person who—"
"Who what? Feels things? Has desires? God forbid."
I didn't say anything. Couldn't.
"Are they pressuring you?" Tara asked, her voice shifting to something more serious. "Any of them? Because if this is some weird throuple recruitment situation—"
"No. God, no. They're not—" I struggled to explain.
"They haven't even acknowledged it. That's the strangest part. Jasper knows I spent time with Eli. He has to know, but he hasn’t said a word. There’s been zero freaking signs of jealousy.
Eli totally saw me in Jasper's sweatshirt and just...
smiled at me. Like nothing had changed."
"That is strange."
"I know."
"Either they're incredibly evolved, or there's something you're not seeing."
"Or I'm losing my mind."
"Also possible." Another sip of wine. "But unlikely. You've always been annoyingly sane."
I laughed despite myself, a short, broken sound. "I don't feel sane. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Like I fell asleep in my car somewhere outside Atlanta and I'm having the world's most elaborate dream."
"If this is a dream, it's a pretty good one. Small town, handsome brothers, secret archive. Very gothic romance. Go all in, girl. Seriously. What’s stopping you?"
"You're not taking this seriously."
"I'm taking it exactly as seriously as it deserves." Her voice softened. "Are you happy?"
I thought about it. Actually thought, instead of deflecting.
Happy. Such a simple word for such a complicated thing. I thought about waking up to the magnolia tree outside my window. About the way Jasper laughed. About Callum's silent vigilance. About Eli's careful questions.
About feeling, for the first time in years, like I might actually be running toward something instead of away.
"Yes," I said. "That's the confusing part. I'm happier than I've been in years."
"Then let it be a problem later."
"That's your advice?"
"My advice is to stop trying to figure everything out and just feel what you feel.
" Her voice held that blatant savvy that came from years of friendship, from knowing each other's worst and best. "You've spent years not trusting yourself because Marcus made you doubt everything.
Every instinct, every desire, every choice.
Maybe it's time to start trusting yourself again. "
I didn't say anything. My throat felt tight.
"You're allowed to want things," Tara said. "You're allowed to not have it all figured out. You're allowed to be messy, complicated, and human."
"What if I hurt someone? What if I'm already hurting them?"
"Then you deal with it when it happens. But you don't preemptively destroy your own happiness just because it might get complicated." A pause. "That's what Marcus would want, you know. For you to be so afraid of doing wrong that you never let yourself do anything at all."
The words hit somewhere deep, somewhere I'd been trying to protect.
"When did you get so wise?" I asked, aiming for lightness and missing.
"I've always been this wise. You just never listen."
"I'm listening now."
"Good," I heard her set down her wineglass.
"So here's what you're going to do. You're going to stay in that weird little town with those weird hot brothers.
You're going to let yourself feel whatever you feel without judging it.
And you're going to call me immediately when something interesting happens, because I'm emotionally invested now. "
"Something interesting?"
"Like when you find out why none of them seem to care about sharing you. Because that's not typical, babe. There's something going on there."
She wasn't wrong. I'd been trying not to think about it, the strangeness of their acceptance, the way they orbited around me without ever colliding with each other. It made little sense. Jasper interrupting Callum getting chummy at the festival, that had made sense. I hadn’t encountered anything else like that with them, but then… I hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with Jasper about my “moment” with Eli.
But Eli knew. Eli had to know Jasper and I were a thing, didn’t he?
Unless I had missed something? Was there something else I was missing?
"I love you," Tara said. "Call me when things get weirder. Because they're going to get weirder."
"You sound very certain about that."
"I'm always certain. That's my brand."
I laughed again, and this time it felt more real. "Goodnight, Tara."
"Goodnight, disaster. Try not to fall for any more brothers before our next call."
She hung up before I could respond.
I sat there for a long moment, phone in my hand, staring at the ceiling. Outside, the moon was bright through the window. Somewhere in the distance, I heard it again, that sound that had become almost familiar. The howling from the preserve, rising and falling like a song.
I should have found it eerie. Instead, I felt accompanied. Like whatever was out there in the darkness knew I was listening.
She was right. She was always right.
Things were about to get much, much weirder.