21. Confessions I
Confessions I
Zade
M etal tongs scrape against porcelain. Conversations carry across the room as muted, hushed whispers, no one willing to shatter the somber mood over breakfast by talking too loudly.
Soon, silence lapses, and everyone quietly eats.
The only sounds in the cozy dining room are mouths pushing food around and utensils dragging along plates.
A throat clears, and I shoot a confused look at Siri, sitting to my right.
“I have an announcement,” she says with a small tremble in her voice.
An announcement? My eyes widen, and Aunt Nat tilts her head curiously at our side of the table.
“Okay. What’s on your mind, Rie?” Nat asks. This can’t be good.
“We’re not ready!” I want to shout at Siri but wisely keep my lips pressed into each other.
“Zade and I are in a relationship.”
Someone kill me now.
I bury my head in my hands, refusing to glance up at the expressions of my cousins sitting around the table.
This won’t end well. I know it.
“What?” Natalia asks incredulously, the legs of her chair dragging along the floor as she rises to her feet.
“Is this some kind of joke? What do you mean? He’s your brother?—”
“Adopted brother,” Siri corrects our aunt, fearlessly cutting her off. I spread my fingers to peek at the standoff. I hadn’t expected her to stand up to someone I know she loves and respects.
Why does this feel like it’s all my fault?
“Because it is.”
Oh, fuck off!
Auntie— I begin to sign, but she pays me no head, eyes focused on the woman sitting next to me, back ramrod straight in her chair, refusing to back down.
Damn. Why is that hot?
“He’s still Sarah’s son,” Nat says, jabbing a finger at me without glancing in my direction. “And she raised you both, was there when you were born?—”
“I know,” Siri says, abandoning her seat as well. Zac, Zeke, and the three musketeers—Siri’s nickname for them, not mine—watch the exchange with eyes as wide as my own, food forgotten.
“And I don’t need the reminder because I’m not asking for your permission ,” she continues, face flushed. “I’m simply informing you of something that’s happening between two consenting adults who do not share blood ties,” she finishes in a firm voice.
Nat’s mouth falls open, brown eyes filled with hurt, and—I drop my gaze back to my plate. I don’t need to see the disgust there that will be echoed in my mother’s eyes when she hears the news.
When I risk another look in my aunt’s direction, girding myself for what I’ll see, I notice she lifted her chin, and her eyes blink rapidly to clear away unshed tears.
“Suit yourself. I do not approve, and Sarah won’t either.” Her eyes land on me, finally. “And I don’t think you’ll be welcomed home for long once she hears about this.” Her face just barely suppresses a sneer.
But those words erase any hint of sympathy I’d felt witnessing the feud between two people who care deeply for each other.
If you think that, then you don’t know my mother well. Is that what you would do if it was Zeke and a child of your own?
She flinches, taking a step back like I’d physically hit her. Zac jumps to his feet, and I mimic him. Zeke follows our lead.
“Leave our son out of this, and I think you both have overstayed your welcome. It’s safe for you to return home, so I suggest you do it within the hour,” he tells me in a flat voice before walking toward his wife and gently taking her arm in his hand to guide her from the room.
She follows obediently, eyes unfocused and nose turning a ruddy red.
Siri and I watch them leave in silence.
“Nice going. You’ve pissed my Dad off by upsetting my mom. All in under ten minutes. Way to fucking go,” Zeke snaps, stalking after his parents.
Well, now I officially feel like shit, retaking my seat with a sense of numbness. Siri plops down next to me. Hesitantly, like she fears rejection, her hand slides across my thigh to entwine her fingers with the hand I’ve dangled between my legs. I grip it tight, tethering myself to my lifeline.
This is it. There’s no going back or putting the cat back into the bag. Surely, it can’t get worse than this, right?
Soriah
I feared Zade would hate me after what I did at Zac and Nat’s house. But my fear was unfounded. As soon as we returned home and he searched the house for any signs of a break-in, he carried me to his room, laid me on the bed and fucked me slowly, like he’d yearned to do our first time.
I am falling hard for this man.
Tito, Bella, and Carlos visited briefly on their way out the following day, leaving Zade and me to our own devices while waiting for our parents’ return.
Zephyr didn’t stop by, but he’d texted that he took care of the body and he’ll see us for Christmas.
Zade caved when I asked why our brother had a change of heart by promising to come home for a holiday without insistent pressure from Mom first.
He told me about the woman Zephyr became infatuated with at first glance and assumes his twin is “working on himself” to win over the mystery woman.
He put an internet search out for her after doing a facial analysis and hacked her social media, so we’ll know if she tells anyone about what happened.
Zade doesn’t believe she’ll go to the authorities since she killed a man, but I’d argued she could complain she was coerced.
Needless to say, I won that argument. And convinced him to let me work with him on practicing sounds.
He became a fast study with the right incentives, and I looked forward to each of our lessons while spending every moment with him during the wait for our parents.
It took them three days to return. Three days of falling asleep in Zade’s arms, waking up there or with his mouth on me, tracing letters with his tongue against my folds.
After he’d have me for breakfast, we’d skip downstairs, barely clothed, and eat together.
It felt like a damn honeymoon cut short when we received a text letting us know they were on their way home from the airport.
My knee bounces, and Zade clamps a large, tattooed hand on it, giving me a weak smile. These are our parents . Aunt Nat still hasn’t spoken to me. I don’t know what I’ll do if Mom behaves the same. She’s my mother. She’s supposed to love me no matter what I do or who I’m fucking.
I’ve never gotten into trouble, made good grades, and competed in two sports. Surely, that balances out having an illicit relationship with my adopted brother?
It’s going to be fine. Relax.
I take a breath and let it out slowly. Mom rarely yelled, and it was usually when Zephyr did something, like breaking curfew, coming home drunk, or getting suspended because he’d got into a fight with some guy whose girlfriend he was sleeping with.
Zephyr was not a rule follower like me. And Zade spent more time discerning reality from fiction to intentionally break any rules.
Mom won’t yell .
Did I say that out loud? Oh, I’m a mess.
The doorknob turns, and I jump to my feet, abandoning my anxious perch on the living room sofa. This is it. They’re going to walk through that door, and we—me—are going to tell them about us. We’re adults. We will not spend months or years sneaking around and hiding this from them.
They’ll understand. They have to.
Mom enters first, her smile dropping when she notices my anxiety-ridden face. I could never keep anything from her. She’s my mother and my best friend at times when she’s not fulfilling the same role for Zade.
Dad nearly collides into her back because she paused just in the doorway. Apologizing to him, she steps fully into the house, eyes bouncing from Zade’s seated position and back to me.
“Okay, I know I said no house parties, but you two don’t have to look like someone died if you did throw one. It’s not the end of the world,” she jokes, eyes crinkling at the corners.
For the first time, I allow myself to take in the fine lines in her face, running my eyes from her lined forehead to the small wrinkles in her neck.
Gray peppers her dark hair, and even Dad has grown a few.
It hits me they’re getting old, and here I am, being selfish by throwing this curveball at them.
Who wants to deal with two of their kids fucking while they’re in their forties and sixties? No one, that’s who.
My mouth opens to blithely tell them some lie, but Zade stands up, hands moving before I can bury us in the closet.
I have something I need to tell you. Mom, can we speak privately? Just you and me?
I blink stupidly at him. He’s going to tell them? Tears spring to my eyes, and I turn my back on my parents as I gather myself. Of course, he’s sparing me from whatever fallout will come. He saw how hurt I was over Nat’s treatment.
Could I love him any more than I do at this moment?
I whip back around, putting a false smile on my face. If he’s going to talk with Mom, then I’ll distract Dad.
“Hey, Dad. While they’re talking, can I watch you feed Sheba?
” His smile eats up his entire face, and concern flits into Mom’s eyes.
No, I do not want to see his pet snake swallow a rat whole, but this is a partnership.
Zade nor I will allow the other to do all the work, putting a strain on our budding relationship.
It takes teamwork. After all, I’m staring at two of the best models of the concept. There’s no better duo than Dr. Sarah Bell-Daniels and Zaiden Daniels.