Chapter 19
“I’m leaving. Please don’t try and stop me.” Stephanie’s words struck fear in his heart, overshadowed by his anger at her distrust and lack of faith in him.
“That would not be advisable.” He told her quietly.
“I really don’t care what you would advise. What? Are you going to keep me here against my will? Because that’s the only way I’m staying. I’d like to think you respect me more than that.”
Ries looked at her, terrified for what might happen to her once she left his circle of protection, but also knowing he couldn’t and wouldn’t keep her prisoner. Because he did respect her. And in a way, he understood her.
Why can’t we both have what we want? Why can’t she be safe and useful, at the same time?
He stared her down, but this time she didn’t back down. He thought about trying to convince her to stay, but the militant look in her eyes, brimming with tears she was trying so valiantly to hold back, kept him silent.
He said nothing and moved back, gesturing toward the open doorway and looking away as she walked through it.
His heart broke as she vanished. He had thought that, maybe, she might be the one.
The urge to follow her, to plead with her, overcame him. Maybe if he showed a little humility, she would stay. Maybe she would understand.
He dressed quickly, but by the time he reached the elevator, she was already on it and headed for the ground floor. Chris appeared moments later, listening to one of the other security guards in his earpiece.
“Did you tell Stephanie she could leave the building by herself? She arrived downstairs moments ago, her shoes in her hands and a sheet on the floor of the elevator,” Chris asked him with an incredulous look on his face.
“She’s welcome to do whatever she likes.” The words wrenched themselves from his lips. “I can’t stop her.” He shook his head. “Let her go.”
“Ries. You said…”
“Let. Her. Go.”
Chris spoke quietly into his earpiece and Ries shook his head forlornly. He walked into the living room where he flopped down on the couch to wait. All of her belongings were still in the bedroom – so she couldn’t really mean to leave forever.
Could she?
After a few hours with no Stephanie, Ries started to get anxious and he began to pace the living room. When Chris suggested going out to look for her, Ries snapped at him. When Chris suggested finding new girls who might want to keep him company, Ries almost fired him.
Ries didn’t want other women. He wanted Stephanie. He missed having her around, even though he’d admittedly treated her horribly the last few days. It was the only way he’d known to keep her safe: he could only say ‘no’ to her if he distanced himself from the strange power she had over him.
Why couldn’t she see that?
“Ries, are you sure you don’t want me to send someone out to look for her?” Chris asked once more.
Ries shook his head, “She didn’t want to be here any longer.”
He headed for his bedroom, his heart breaking for the loss of the easy camaraderie he and Stephanie had shared. He wanted her back in his life. The thought of returning to his solitary existence, only broken by brief bouts of overindulging in meaningless hookups, was too much to bear.
He tried settling down to sleep, but images of Stephanie lying wounded or worse in some alley plagued him. He finally gave up and began pacing the length of his bedroom. When that wasn’t enough, he headed for the living area, hoping beyond hope to hear her arriving on the elevator.
He wandered through the apartment, amazed at how cold and empty it felt without her here. He was shocked at how much joy and light she’d brought to his life.
He found himself sitting on the bed in the room she’d been sleeping in, surrounded by the things she’d left behind, and feeling hopeless.
With Stephanie by his side, he’d felt confident and capable.
He’d felt like his own man for the first time, with a sense of purpose and someone beside himself who was depending on him.
It had been a head rush that he’d not acknowledged until it had been taken away from him. Stephanie had brought purpose to his life. Without her, he was nothing more than Damon’s little screw-up brother who couldn’t be trusted with the simplest tasks.
How can I be trusted to nail this assassin? I should just call Damon and tell him he wins and let him take over. That’s what he wants, and I’ve just proven I’m incapable of holding things together. Again.
He paced until his eyes were blurry. Then he settled down on the couch, staring out the window at the dark town, wondering where Stephanie was and hoping and praying that she was okay.
How could I have let her go? I should have tied her to the bed before letting her rush into danger. But now…I’ve lost her.
I can’t believe I’ve lost her.
Stephanie felt the elevator stop at the ground floor and she finished slipping her shorts on and buttoning them up.
She hadn’t been able to find her thong, but she couldn’t be worried about underwear right now.
She tossed the sheet to the floor of the elevator as the doors opened up and she stepped out, bending over to slip her shoes on.
“Miss Stephanie, you’re not supposed to be down here,” the guard on duty told her.
“Ries knows,” she told him, wrapping her arms around her middle to try and hold in the hurt that was tearing her apart. She’d known leaving him was going to be hard, but she’d not even left the building and felt like she had a gaping hole where her heart was supposed to be.
“I’ll need to call this in,” the guard told her, positioning himself between her and the door.
Stephanie held her breath, not sure if Ries would really let her go, or have his henchmen bring her back upstairs. If he did, she wasn’t sure how she would keep from falling completely apart.
A few moments later, the guard moved aside and quietly opened the door for her. “Please be careful, Miss Stephanie,” he eyed her warily. “It’s dangerous out there.”
She nodded. Then she walked out of the building, and out of Ries’ life.
She didn’t have a destination in mind. She just started walking, up one street and down another. She headed toward the beach at one point, but tears and sand were a bad combination, so she only looked at the beautiful view from a hillside.
She continued to walk, crying so hard at times she was forced to stop and just hold herself until the wave of grief passed and she could continue.
She ended up outside the bar where she’d first met Ries, a fresh wave of sorrow filling her as she watched the lights go out and everyone leave for the night.
She hated the idea of having to go back to work as a waitress in a place like that.
Flirting with rich men for a living was totally abhorrent to her, but what other line of work was there for her to do here?
She was a useless waitress whose skills and knowledge had no value to anyone.
Even Ries had dropped her aside the moment there was something real on the line.
The thought of having to pander to rich men who only saw her as an object again made her feel sick to her stomach. Ries had shown her that men like him couldn’t be trusted, no matter how different they seemed.
He’d made her believe he truly cared for her, and that their feelings were shared and real. But it had been nothing more than a lie, designed to gain her compliance, her acceptance of his control.
She sat down on a small planter and pulled her knees to her chest as she cried for what she’d lost.
Even though she no longer believed it had been real, the idea that what she and Ries had appeared to have truly existed, and that she’d now lost, was heartbreaking. She wanted that dream, but Ries had shown her that her dreams didn’t matter.
For a brief moment, she’d thought that what she and Ries had would last and not just be an illusion. She wanted it to be real. She wanted them to be permanent.
She wasn’t going to get what she wanted. She never had.
It was the story of Stephanie’s life. The things she most yearned for always seemed to be taken away from her, or she discovered they never truly existed to begin with. Either way, she was always left wanting something she couldn’t have because it didn’t exist.
Just like now. Her heart wanted the closeness she’d felt when being held in Ries’ arms, but that wasn’t a reality. She might as well get used to the idea of being alone.
That had to be better than this devastating pain she was feeling right now.