Marina
The next morning, we drive back to Stepan's home to collect what we can.
The front door's been replaced by a piece of plywood that one of Roman's men nailed to the frame, and Stepan yanks it off and sets it aside as we step inside.
The living room's a mess, much easier to see now in the daylight than when it was dark two nights ago.
Bullet holes pepper the walls and a lamp is shattered on the floor. The coffee table's overturned, along with a few side tables and the stand by the front door. Glass crunches under our shoes as we move through the room.
Stepan's shoulders sag as he walks through the carnage of his once-beautiful living room.
I want to pull him in for a hug and hold him, but he's a bit distant.
Something has been on his mind and I don't really have the guts to bring it up, but I can tell he's in his head as he walks toward the bedroom.
The past forty-eight hours have been nothing but a nightmare.
I should've trusted him to take care of things with my father and stayed at Roman’s house waiting for him, but I was foolish and ran off thinking I could make my father see the light.
I'm grateful Roman allowed his men to come help Stepan find me and bring me back.
If not, I have no doubt I'd have been ushered into an abortion clinic as soon as this morning.
I grab a cardboard box from the kitchen and fill it with things I think he may need while repairs are being done to this place.
A phone charger peeks out from behind the coffee maker, so I shove it in the box, then his beer bottle opener and a stack of mail.
I'm only here for moral support, but I'm not sure what moral support I can actually be if Stepan won't open up and talk to me.
Part of me fears that the reason he's so in his head is over the baby.
I just don't know how to bring that up. I did keep it from him for so long, and he deserves to let his emotions be expressed.
When he comes out of the bedroom with a large suitcase, I assume it's full of his clothing, similar to the one in the car brought from my father's house which I filled with my own clothing and most valuable things. I’m not welcome at my father's house anymore, or at least for a while.
I hope that changes when the baby is born, but for now it's my father's silent way of punishing me.
"Where do you think we'll be staying?" I ask him cautiously. I notice a frown flash across his face before he calms and sighs at me.
"Ro's got a safehouse on the north side that's untouched after all the attacks.
It's small, but we don't need a big, fancy place right now.
" He pulls a jacket from a hanger in the coat closet, checks the pockets, and tosses it onto the couch, which is riddled with holes.
"We'll be there until this place gets fixed up. Could be a few weeks."
"Yeah, okay... Well, I don’t mind a small place. All I really need is you, anyway."
He glances at me over his shoulder. The corner of his mouth turns up, and it's the first thing close to a smile I've seen from him for a few days. Since he learned about the baby, I guess.
It's hard seeing him like this, so withdrawn and closed off.
I feel like it's all my fault, and I feel restless knowing I can't just force him to be okay with things.
I haven't even adjusted to the idea of being a mother because I’ve been so busy trying to convince myself to marry a man I don't love.
Now that Maksim is out of the picture for good, it's sort of hitting me the same way.
"My father wasn't happy," I say after a while. I'm just trying to find a way into the conversation I need to have without stepping on his toes. I stoop to pick up an empty cartridge from the shooting and let my eyes rise to meet his when he turns toward me.
"No," Stepan says. "He wasn't."
"He'll come around, though. He's angry and humiliated, but underneath all of that, my father's a practical man.
He knows it's a good choice." Kazimir and Stepan didn't leave my father much room to negotiate.
The way they promised to crush every last Belova trade deal left my father with no other options. Align with them or die refusing to.
I hang my head and wrap my hand around the shell casing.
He will make the right choices, I know he will.
I just wish he'd have done it for me, not for his business.
It's why it makes Stepan all the more special to me.
He came for me and fought for me when he didn't have to, and he did it because of love.
Something my father would never have done.
"Well, he didn't deserve it..." Stepan shoves a few framed pictures into a box and glowers at me.
He's told me a few times what he'd have liked to have done to my father, and I shudder to think he might have if I hadn't been there.
It was wrong of them to lock me in that room, but I know he thinks he was protecting me, as misguided as that sentiment is.
"I'm not excusing what he did," I say. "I'm telling you who he is. He makes decisions out of fear for his future. When the fear passes, he'll see that this alliance is the best thing that could've happened to him."
"Yeah, well I don't like how he treats you and you're never going back to him." Stepan's possessive side comes out and he sets the box down next to his duffel bag, which is on the coffee table he turned back over.
If the hostility on this side continues to persist, things between me and my father may never be what they should be or what they could be.
Stepan has to let this go sometime, and I worry he won't be able to.
I have to get through that thick skull of his to what he's really thinking because if I don't, maybe he'll stay locked in that anger forever.
"You don't have to hold it all in..." I set the box in my hands down next to his and join him by the fireplace. He pulls me against his chest and kisses the top of my head, but he's still stiff.
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine, Stepan. You're moody and angry, and I'm worried about you."
His hand moves to the back of my neck and his fingers curl around, forcing me to look up at him. "I'm better now," he says, and then he kisses me tenderly. But I know he's lying, hiding behind some facade he thinks I'm going to buy into. I don't believe him for a minute.
But I wrap my arms around him and breathe him in. We haven't had a spare moment alone since things started happening and I need to know if he's upset about the baby.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, of course, baby. Ask anything." His hands grip the sides of my face firmly and he rests his forehead against mine.
"What do you think about having a baby with me?
" The tiny spikes of tension in his chest and shoulders show me he's uncomfortable, but not angry.
"Because you haven't said," I continue. "You've been so busy with work...
" I sigh and rest my chin on his sternum.
"I need to know, Stepan. I need to know if you're okay with this or if you're doing all of it out of obligation because you feel responsible and you're too decent to walk away. "
His thumbs brush over my cheekbones and when he speaks, it's not what I expect.
"I couldn't be happier about having a baby with you, Marina. When we met, I had no clue what this would become. I knew who you were, but not what I would feel for you, and now that I have you..." He kisses me again, so gently, I whimper for more. "I'm never letting you go. Do you understand?"
I savor the feeling of being accepted and loved, but it doesn’t explain why he's still so tense. I can't let this go. My insecurity will drive me insane. "But you’re so on edge and agitated."
Stepan pulls away, letting his hands slide to my shoulders, then down my arms to my hands. He stands at arm's length and looks me in the eye with a serious expression, but I see him relenting internally.
"Well, I'm not fond of how he treated you, and I have some anger to work out there.
And I'm a little concerned about raising a kid in this world I live in.
Now I know for sure why my cousin is so adamant that we do things the right way all the time.
It's the right way to do it... To raise a kid, I mean. "
Then he smiles and I see the flash of his ornery side popping out. "And how the hell will this world survive a Stepan Junior?" He winks at me, and it makes my heart burst. I know things will be okay if he just keeps smiling.
"Oh, you're funny." I grin. "Because we're having a girl, and her name will be Reign."
I try pulling away, but he grabs me around the waist and pulls me back against his chest so my back is to him and his chin rests over my shoulder.
"Good try... I want a boy, and I want to teach him to fish and bike and shoot a gun." Stepan's lips press to my cheek. "And I want him to know how incredible his mother is, every day of his life."
My heart is full.
I thought that life could never surprise me. Things were so structured and organized around my time and my activities, and especially with the arranged marriage, I thought I would never know what an adventure felt like.
Now I know life will never be normal again. It's full of ups and downs, chaos, and surprises, and the best part is, I get to go through it all with the man I deeply love.
Elira is going to flip out when she hears how all of this turned out.