Chapter 21 #2
Vee is in the living room again. Kneeling by the couch with a glass of water. She helps Drake sit up enough to drink, supports his head with one hand while holding the glass with the other.
He mumbles something I can't hear.
She responds just as softly. Gentle.
When he's done drinking she eases him back down and adjusts the blankets with careful hands.
Rhys watches.
His expression is—I study it in the dark—not the tight-jawed containment from earlier. More complicated than that. Anger, yes, but also a kind of wonder, like he didn't know this existed.
Someone taking care of a person who hurt her.
Without condition or performance.
Just because she can.
I think about what Finn said. She's good at people. She just hasn't had people who let her be good at them before.
Rhys watches her tuck the blanket around Drake and I realize he's seeing the same thing I'm seeing. The same woman we've all been watching figure out how to be herself again.
He exhales, slow and quiet.
I look at him.
He looks at me.
We stand there in the hallway together. Two packmates who aren't sleeping, watching an omega take care of someone she has every right to hate.
Then Rhys pushes off the wall and goes back toward his room.
He pauses at his doorway and looks back at me.
His expression is an acknowledgment, like we've agreed on a thing without speaking. Then he goes inside and pulls the door mostly closed.
I stand in the hallway alone for a minute then I go back to my room.
I still don’t sleep.
By morning I can't take it anymore.
I need air. Space. Something other than these walls closing in.
I go outside. The woods are quiet and damp from last night's rain.
I walk to the edge of the clearing and stand there looking at nothing.
My hands are shaking again.
Not from wanting to hit Drake, from fear.
Raw, choking fear that we're going to lose her.
That the registry will rule in Ragon's favor, or that even if they don't, Alex's flag will make it impossible for us to keep her. Or that she'll choose to go back to Drake and his former pack because she's too good and too forgiving and too kind to let them suffer for what they did.
And I'll have to watch her walk away.
Movement at the cabin window catches my eye.
Rhys is standing at the glass.
He sees me out here and clocks me like he clocks everything—immediate, complete. His expression is unreadable through the glass. Then he steps back from the window, giving me space.
Letting it be what it is. My moment, my fear, my morning.
I look back at the woods.
"Malcolm?"
I turn.
Vee stands at the edge of the porch wrapped in a blanket.
"You okay?" she asks.
"Fine."
The lie tastes bitter.
She walks down the steps and crosses the wet grass to where I'm standing.
"You're not fine," she says.
I don't answer.
"Is it Drake?" she asks.
"Yes."
She's quiet. "I know it's hard for you. Seeing him here."
"Hard doesn't cover it."
"I'm sorry."
I look at her. "Why are you apologizing?"
"Because I know watching me take care of him hurts you."
The honesty of it hurts.
"It doesn't mean I'll forgive him," she adds. "Taking care of him. It doesn't mean—"
"I know," I say and the words come out rough. "I know that."
She looks up at me and waits.
The silence stretches.
"It's not just Drake," I admit. "Looking at him reminds me of how badly I failed."
Her head tilts. "What do you mean?"
"We waited too long." The confession spills out. "Alex and I. Finn. We should have moved on you sooner. Or told you the truth at least. We shouldn't have let Ragon's pack hurt you for so long."
"You were in an impossible situation," she says.
"We're still in an impossible situation.
" The words come out harsh and bitter. "We didn't take you sooner because of the threat of Alex going back to prison and Chase asking us not to.
But here we are and that threat still stands and Chase is still building the case.
So we could have done something sooner and it wouldn't have mattered because we still might lose you and they may lock him up again anyway. "
The truth of it burns.
Vee is silent.
Then she speaks. "If you had taken me sooner, I might have responded worse."
I look at her.
"I was so loyal to Ragon's pack," she continues. "Even when they were hurting me. I might have hated you for taking me before I was ready to leave."
The words stay between us.
"Do you hate us now?" I ask.
"No."
The relief is immediate and overwhelming.
But it doesn't last.
Because she still might leave. Still might be taken from us.
And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
"What do you want, Vee?" The question comes out rougher than I mean it to. "From all of this. From us."
She's quiet for a long moment.
"I still don't know," she says finally. "All I know is that I want to be able to choose. When the time comes, I want it to be my choice."
"What if you don't get to choose?" The words are out before I can stop them. "What if the registry rules against us? What if Alex's flag means we can't keep you even if you want to stay?"
Her expression shifts. I can't read it.
"Is that likely?" she asks.
"Chase says it's not looking good."
She goes still.
"So you might not be able to claim me. Ever."
"No. We might not."
The silence that falls is heavy. Choking.
"I want that for you too," I say. And I mean it. "I want you to be able to choose. But I'm terrified you're going to choose what we can't give you."
She looks at me. Really looks at me.
"I'm scared too," she says.
She closes the space between us and tucks herself against my chest.
The purr starts automatically. I can't stop it even if I wanted to. My arms come around her and the sound rumbles through my chest, deep and consuming.
"I'm sorry about Drake," she says into my shirt.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." I tighten my hold on her. "Taking care of him after everything he did just shows what a good person you are. Better than me. Better than any of us."
She presses closer.
We stand there in the damp morning air. My purr steady. Her warmth against my chest.
Behind the window, I see a shape step back into the shadows of the cabin.
Rhys, giving us the room.
The fear doesn't go away.
Drake is still inside. Still a problem I don't know how to solve. Alex's flag is still a wall between us and the future I want. The registry could still take her from us.
But right now Vee is here.
Choosing to be close to me.
And through the window there's a packmate who is glad she has this. Who watched her grieve last night with what looked like wonder. Who stepped back from the window this morning to give me space I needed without being asked.
I'll take what I have.
I'll take whatever she gives me for however long I get to have it.
And for the first time since Drake walked out of the rain last night, the shaking in my hands finally stops.