9. June #2
How is it possible that a man that isn’t even mine knows me better than my own boyfriends?
I guess that’s what happens when you spend day after day with someone.
Simon isn’t just here to hang out, he’s here to watch my every move and anticipate any threat that may come my way.
His job is to pay attention to me, and that is exactly what he does.
“Thanks,” I tell him and hop off the counter. “I’m going to take a nap.” I hold my bandaged hands close to my body.
He follows me down the hall but stops at my door.
“Will you stay?” I ask him.
“You know I can’t do that.” Simon’s jaw tenses.
“Then I’ll sleep on the couch.” I go to leave the room but he raises his hand to stop me.
“No, you’ll sleep in your bed, love.” He points to the floor outside my room. “I’ll stay out here. Okay?”
“That won’t be comfortable.”
“And neither would the couch.” His gaze stares into me. “I’ll be fine.”
I want to protest, to tell him that the rules the guys put in place are stupid, and that if they didn't want Simon in my room, they should be here to prevent it from happening.
Maybe they shouldn't have hired him to watch over me because they're too busy to do it themselves.
But that would involve more energy than I'm capable of expending right now, and all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and drift off to sleep.
I only hope it will be nightmare free and grant me the tiniest bit of rest.
I crawl into bed, bringing the covers up to my neck and smooshing my face against the pillow.
I train my attention on the man outside my doorway, his back pressed along the wall, his one knee brought up toward him and the other out flat.
He fiddles with the ring on his thumb and he’s the last thing I think about when I finally drift into sleep.
At some point, a person moves me, their body coming under mine.
I settle into them without question, assuming it’s probably Magnus coming to have an apology cuddle. He’s the most snuggly of all my men, and definitely the most affectionate. His love is a warm blanket that soothes my aching soul.
I don’t open my heavy eyes, instead, I keep them closed and welcome the comfort my company brings. I wrap my arm around their chest and listen to the steady but boisterous beat of their heart. Thump-thump…thump-thump.
It lulls me into a restful sleep, keeping the nightmare that was plaguing me moments ago away.
It's not until I finally wake up that I realize it wasn't Magnus at all.
I breathe in that familiar and forbidden scent of a man that isn’t mine.
“Simon?” I mutter.
He smooths the hair off my cheek and looks down at me. “I’m here, I’m right here.”
“You aren’t supposed to be in here.” Am I dreaming, or is this real?
“You were shaking, love.” Simon pulls the blanket over my shoulder.
I blink a few times and sit up, my body immediately growing cold at the loss of his touch.
Simon sits there, his back resting against the headboard of my bed, his shirt wrinkled from where I was nestled into him.
This whole time, I thought he was Magnus, I thought one of my men came to me and rid me of the terrifying scenarios that my brain conjures when I try to sleep.
But no, it wasn’t—it was their enemy who brought me comfort when they couldn’t… or wouldn’t.
“Simon?”
“Yes, love?”
I sit back, bringing my knees to my chest and pulling the blanket around my body. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Your taste in men, maybe.” He smirks and tugs the blanket over my exposed foot.
“No, I’m serious. Do you think they had some epiphany, and that’s why they’re so distant and shutting me out? You’re around me more than anyone. You’d notice if I did something wrong, right? If I was defective.”
I shouldn’t be asking him things like this, but who else am I supposed to talk to when I barely get five minutes at a time with my so-called partners.
I can’t even talk to Cora about it, either.
One, because of the complexities of the situation; it would be too difficult for her to understand.
And two, because she’s been out of town the last three weeks at some work education enrichment program.
She won’t be home for another week, and by then, I’ll have gone crazy dealing with this situation myself.
Simon repositions himself closer and places his hand on my cheek. “You, my love, are not defective. There is nothing wrong with you. You have done nothing wrong. I assure you, you are perfect in my eyes. All these doubts, these insecurities, you shouldn’t be having them.”
My phone buzzes on the nightstand and Simon breaks away to hand it to me.
“It’s Magnus,” I tell him. “He said he’s made plans for us tomorrow.”
“That’s good, right?” Simon shifts in his seat, moving closer to the edge of the bed, away from me.
“He’s only doing it because we had a fight.” I sigh and drop my phone onto the bed. “It’s a pity date.”
The thing buzzes again, only this time, it’s a text from Dom.
“And now Dom is saying he’s arranging something for Wednesday.” I bury my face in the blanket and let out a muffled groan. “I shouldn’t have to force them to be around me.” I sit up and look at Simon. “Even you’re here out of obligation.”
Simon frowns. “That isn’t entirely true.”
“But it is partially true, there’s no denying that.”
“That’s not fair, love. You chose them, not me. I would…”
I wait for him to continue but he doesn’t.
"I think it would be better for all of you if I weren't here," I tell him.
"Then none of you would have to be bothered by worrying about me.
You could go back to the life you had before.
Hell, you'd have time to date, or do whatever it is you wanted to do.
This isn't fair to you either, Simon. You didn't ask for this.
You were in the running to take over a criminal enterprise and now you're a glorified babysitter. "
“June…” Simon runs his hand through his hair and settles on the base of his neck.
“You’ve got this all messed up. And you’re comparing me to them again.
I want to be here. More than anything, really.
There isn’t anywhere I’d rather be. Not a single person I’d rather spend my time with.
Coming here, being with you, protecting you, it’s the only reason I wake up every day, and I go to sleep every night counting the minutes until I can be back by your side.
How do you not see that by now? I would have nothing if I didn’t have this, if I didn’t have you. ”
“That’s even worse, Simon.” I yearn to reach out and touch his arm but I don’t. “Because you don’t have me. This will never be what you want it to be, and what kind of person am I to sit here and torture you with the details of my relationships. I’m not being fair to you. None of this is.”
“If you think for a second that it isn’t all worth it, you’re wrong.”
“You’re delusional, you have to be. You can’t possibly be okay with this arrangement.”
“God damn it, June.” Simon stands from the bed so suddenly I accidentally flinch.
His demeanor immediately shifts and he lowers his voice.
“I’m so sorry.” Simon drops to his knees next to the mattress and stares up at me, his hands reaching up toward me but not landing on their target.
“I’d never hurt you; you need to know this. ”
“I…” My heart pounds wildly and I’m not entirely sure which of the many things going on it’s from.
“I believe you.” And I’m telling the truth, because Simon has never given me a reason to doubt him.
Not once has he proven to be a liar. Maybe he was a little deceptive in the very beginning but it was more him being cryptic than him lying.
“They’ll come around eventually, love. And if they don’t…I’ll always be here for you. No matter what. Even if you never feel the same, I’m not going anywhere.” He flits his gaze behind him, at my door. “But I do need to get out of here before one of them appears and decapitates me.”
I softly smile and inch my hand toward him. I rest my fingers just along his, our skin barely touching. “Will you do something for me?” I shouldn’t ask him for anything, but I cannot resist the allure of the adrenaline rush the night out with him gave me.
“Anything.”
“Can we have another night like last night? You and me.”
Simon pulls his left hand back and runs it through his hair, leaving the other one next to mine. “We almost got caught. That could have been bad.”
"But we didn't." I continue to push the boundaries and wrap my index finger around his.
He draws in a breath and sighs. “You’re killing me.”
“Please.”
He studies our interlocked fingers, and I can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind and if it’s the same thing that’s on mine.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
I let out a squeal. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Simon shakes his head and stands. “God damn you’re cute.”
Just moments ago, I got a text from both Magnus and Dom about arranging dates for this week, my excitement for that nowhere near the thrill of Simon possibly taking me somewhere dangerous again.