13. June
June
I’m so fucking mad I can’t think straight.
I thought I would sleep it off, but no, what little rest I did get was taunted by nightmares I couldn't wake up from. Luckily, my obsessive bodyguard shook me to reality and cupped my face in his hands.
He isn’t supposed to be in my bedroom, but that hasn’t stopped him from crossing that line and coming in here when I’ve needed him.
After a long shower where I stood under the water until my skin turned red from the temperature, I towel dry my hair and moisturize the fuck out of my scalded body. I dress quickly, throwing on the first thing I find in the expansive closet, and step into the hall.
I run smack dab into Simon’s strong chest. “Shit, I didn’t see you there.”
He steadies my shoulders. "Sorry, I should have stepped out of your way. Didn't realize you were still on a warpath."
I roll my eyes. “I’m not one to get over things easily.”
“I’ve noticed.” Simon motions for me to go ahead and walks beside me as we descend the stairs. “How are your palms?”
I show him the right one. “They’re fine.” The marks have scabbed over and started to fade. And I’m sure within a week or so, the cuts will be gone completely.
“And your knuckles?” He turns the same hand over. “Looking better, too.”
“I told you I was fine.” I march over to the coffee maker and grab a mug. “Do you want one?”
“Sure, yeah, thanks.”
“Before you badger me about breakfast, can you give it a rest today? I have a gnarly headache and the thought of eating literally nauseates me.”
Simon clenches his jaw and hesitates before responding. “Fine, but can you at least drink some water?”
I turn, stand tall, and reach for a glass from the shelf. I put it under the faucet and fill it, downing the entire contents in one go. I drop the thing into the sink. “Happy?”
“Something like that.” He points to the fridge. “You know there’s filtered water over there, right?”
I shrug and go back to the coffee machine. “Did you forget I was a broke college kid before I came to live here?”
“Never.”
I go still and listen to the sounds of the house. “Is anyone else here?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
I laugh dryly. “Did I scare them all off?”
“Pretty much.” Simon pulls the creamer out of the fridge and brings it over to me. “Bryant came in and kissed you before he left, but Dom and Hayes were already gone when I got here.”
Even his name is enough to send my blood boiling again.
All I asked for was one fucking date. He was the one that insisted it be last night.
Made plans and promises and fucking broke them.
Didn’t even bother to call and tell me he wouldn’t be here.
Not even so much as a text or a carrier fucking pigeon.
He didn’t trouble himself with telling Simon, either.
Instead, I had to wait around like a fucking idiot while my heart shriveled up in my chest. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt; I was going to attempt to hear him out and see if he would finally tell me the truth.
But no, he didn’t show up, which only made me that much more confident that he doesn’t actually care as much as he pretends to.
Whatever he was doing was clearly more important than the obligation he made to me.
I refuse to continue to beg someone to want to be around. From here on out, I’ll do the bare fucking minimum, too.
My phone buzzes and I almost ignore it, but when I glance down and see the photo of a beautiful blonde pop across my screen, I nearly jump out of my skin.
“Holy shit, is everything okay?” Simon stares at me like I have a horn growing out of my forehead.
"Yes, sorry, it's Cora. I haven't talked to her in fucking forever."
Cora: Dude, to say I missed you is the understatement of the year. I just finally got into the service area and had like 47 notifications from you. ARE YOU OKAY?!
Cora: Also, the second I get back into town, we are going out. Non-negotiable.
I quickly thumb back a response.
Me: I’m great now that I have proof of life. Do not ever go out of town ever again. K thanks.
I smile at my screen when the dots appear and impatiently wait for her response.
Cora: I’m taking you with me next time, how about that?
Me: Deal. Srsly. I miss you so much you stupid asshole.
Cora: Ditto, you dirty slut lol
Cora: Reception is still spotty. I’ll get ahold of you soonish.
She adds a handful of sad and crying emojis at the end, and I match the amount and double them, sending them right back.
Simon pushes a coffee I didn’t realize he had made me across the counter and finishes stirring his.
“Hey, I was supposed to make those,” I tell him.
“You were busy with something more important.”
I bring my mug to my lips and blow on the scorching liquid. I take a cautious sip and look up at the guy watching me intently.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Simon turns away and walks over to the island, leaning against it.
His biceps bulge his black tee and hug his shoulders tightly. I force myself to look anywhere other than him.
“So…” I walk over and nudge him in the side. “After work, how about you and me get into some trouble?”
Simon tilts his head toward me. “You are trouble.”
“Ah, come on. You promised.” I hop onto the counter and dangle my legs off the edge. “And if I don’t fuck something up soon, I’m going to lose my mind. Especially after last night.”
“I don’t know what it was, but I’m sure he has a good reason.”
I shake my head. “Don’t want to talk about it. Don’t want to think about it. I just want to do something reckless, and unless you want me to run off and do it alone, here’s your chance to be involved.”
Simon’s whole body goes tense and he stares directly at me, his body towering over mine even though I’m on the counter. “You will not go anywhere without me.”
I tilt my head. “Don’t make me.”
Simon inches toward me, his body pressing between my legs. He reaches up and puts his palm under the base of my chin. “You wouldn’t.”
I stare up at him, my heart racing in my chest. “I would and you know it.”
He licks his lips, and I don’t mean to, but I flit my gaze down at them.
Plump, full, right there for the taking.
Time seems to slow down and gravity threatens to move me closer to this man.
I push against the pull and fight the urge to do what my body begs me to do.
But I know better, and crossing that line with him would be wrong.
Just because my men are pissing me off doesn’t mean I’m allowed to do the unforgivable.
I might be a spiteful bitch but there are some lines I won’t cross—and kissing their enemy is one of them. Even though I really fucking want to.
I won’t dare ever admit that out loud though.
My phone buzzes, snapping both Simon and me out of our trance.
He drops my face and takes a step back, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I hop off the counter. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I reassure him. We didn’t do anything wrong.
I check my notifications.
Cora: We have so much to catch up on. Talk soon, babe. Love you.
Me: Yes, we do. I can’t wait to hear it all. Love you!!
Simon doesn’t try to hide his stare my entire shift at Bram’s.
I feel it pierce through me every second of the six hours and even though we’re forbidden from being anything more than what we already are, I welcome his hungry eyes anyway.
He might just want what he can’t have, but still, it’s nice to be wanted for a change.
And if we never cross that line, what’s the harm in letting him distract me from the gaping hole in my chest.
Because if I think about it too long, tears well in my eyes and an emptiness consumes me.
I have shit to do, I can’t be falling apart because the men who are supposed to be my partners want little to nothing to do with me.
I thought getting a chance to spend some time with them would somehow make things better but all it did was remind me that what we have is great, just impossibly out of reach.
Maybe the timing is all wrong. Or maybe some things aren’t meant to last. People come and go in your life to teach you a lesson.
To help you learn about yourself. What if that’s all this was?
The universe reassuring me that love is out there, but that it’s fleeting and difficult to hold onto.
Maybe I haven’t found the person who is willing to fight for my heart the way that I deserve to be fought for.
I had hoped it would be Dom and Co and Magnus, but with each passing day, I continue to grow unsure of what any of this means to them.
Coen and I have history—a past that was stripped from us.
But what if it was never meant to be? What if our forever was exactly what it was—powerful and temporary?
Magnus is the only one who shows genuine remorse for his part in things.
He’s distant and allusive but he’s put forth the most effort.
I believe that he wants to tell me the truth, but something stronger than his love for me stops him from following through.
“I have a proposition,” Simon tells me as he approaches.
I raise my brow and smirk. “Yeah?”
“Perv.” He shakes his head and blushes.
“Hey, you thought it, not me.” I finish wiping off the table and toss the rag into the bin behind the counter.
He follows me every step of the way. “If you eat, we can go do something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, pizza or burgers or…”
“No.” I chuckle. “What would we do?”
“Oh.” Simon rubs his neck and glances around the room before settling his sights back on me. “Something stupid, probably.”
I hold out my hand. “Deal.”
He slides his palm around mine, his warmth enveloping me. “Deal.”
“Let me clock out and we’ll get going. How about tacos from that food truck?”